This weekend, as families across the country are celebrating Father’s Day with gifts and various celebrations, be sure to take a moment to reflect on the real purpose behind this holiday: appreciating the dads in our lives for all that they do.
Dads are sometimes the unsung heroes of the family unit, and while many of them can be tough to buy gifts for (or even tough to open up to), great dads deserve some recognition!
Whether it’s your own father, your grandfather, your brother, a friend, or even someone who has made an impact as a father figure, just taking a moment to thank him for his actions will both warm his heart, and let him know that he’s doing something right!
When you show your appreciation, be specific! Let that special dad know exactly why he means so much to you, tell him the things he does that have a positive impact on your life, and share the memories of your relationship that you hold dearest.
Because dads can have a lot of different roles, from disciplinarian to playmate and everything in between, a “father” can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Whatever the unique relationship your have with the dads in your life, make sure you take the time this weekend to let them know how much you care.
Happy Father's Day!
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
In a study published last year the Journal of Leisure Research, results showed that online gaming can have a negative impact on marriages. This comes as no surprise to most people, but the specifics are a little more interesting. This is especially prevalent in today’s age with smart phones streaming an endless source of distracting information, whether it’s the latest sports score, facebook post or an addicting game.
The common assumption would be that too much time spent gaming would put a strain on marriages, but for many of the people participating in the survey, actual hours spent were not the main concern.
One of the largest problems that couples encountered when one member was an avid online gamer was a disruption of bedtime routines, and the resulting dissatisfaction of not going to bed at the same time.
The disruption of bedtime rituals, it’s safe to assume, can lead to less frequent sexual activity, less communication as couples are winding down the day, and even the simple dissatisfaction of going to bed alone.
Now, the study was specific to the effects of online gaming, but these results seem to implicate a much larger issue. Even if it has nothing to do with video games, what are the adverse effects of not sharing a bedtime routine with your spouse?
It could be any other hobby, but when a leisure activity consistently takes one member of a marriage away from time spent as a couple, there will eventually be negative consequences.
When a hobby like online gaming takes precedent over spending time with your spouse, particularly the connection-building time spent together in bed (even if you’re just sleeping), it can make the other person feel neglected, ignored, and downright unimportant in the face of your other interests.
This isn’t to say that couples need to spend every waking moment together, or that bedtime routines should be so rigid they don’t allow for fluctuations in people’s schedules – this is simply to show the long term importance of sharing some kind of bedtime ritual, and to remind couples to be aware of how their hobbies and use of free time may be affecting the other person.
Like many of the other habits we discuss, going to bed at separate times, or generally ignoring the connective importance of that time of the day will eventually become habit. As those habits form, dissatisfaction builds, and those cycles can be very difficult to break.
To avoid these kinds of problems, you don’t have to give up your hobbies or get ready for bed every time your spouse does. Instead, just be aware of how your routines overlap with your spouse’s, and find some middle ground so you have time to keep your connection strong!
For more tips on resolving conflict and strengthening the bond with your spouse, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Do you and your spouse go to bed at the same time? Are you disconnected because of too much gaming or screen time? Please comment below.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Is your marriage feeling ho-hum? Do you feel like you’re on the wrong path? Are you struggling with long-standing issues in your marriage?
Here at StrongMarriageNow, we pride ourselves on the ability to help you sort through different, recurring problems that are sending your marriage off the rails. There’s something else we specialize in, though, and that’s helping you learn how to prevent the problems before they ever arise!
I’m talking about PROACTIVITY here. We don’t just need to talk about our marriages or improve our behavior when something is awry, we should be working to make them better every day. So I ask the question: “What have you done for your marriage today?”
This daily goal of marriage improvement can be composed of things both large and small: from volunteering to do a chore your spouse usually does to planning and preparing a full-blown candlelight dinner. Sending a sweet text message to put a smile on your spouse’s face is just on tiny thing you can do to make your marriage happier and healthier, and opportunities like these are everywhere!
It comes down to one very simple principle: thinking outside of yourself. If you can do just one little thing each day to make your husband or wife’s day a little bit brighter, then you are off to a great start. Think about what might be stressing them out, or something necessary they may have forgotten about. Pay them compliments. Do them favors. Show them you care.
Looking for ideas for what you can do for your spouse? Think about what they might have complained about. Think about what may be overwhelming for them. The likelihood is that they’ve told you over the years what they like and dislike. The big question is: “Have you been listening?”
When the two of you communicate, try to make mental notes of problems he or she might be having – if it’s something you can help with, be the bigger person and pitch in!
Make a point to strengthen your marriage every day, no matter what stresses you may be going through, regardless of the argument you may have had. When you make kindness, genuine interest, and active communication a part of your daily life (and then put those principles in action), you can bolster your bond and feel more love each and every day.
Want to follow our proven System to get more love and fix your marriage? Check out our StrongMarriageNow System today!
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
A recent survey by the U.S. Travel Association has found that couples who travel together see significant benefits to the quality of their relationship – including improvements to their sex life.
Traveling doesn’t have to mean that you go on an extravagant trip to Paris or a tropical island, it can also mean driving an hour away to a local bed and breakfast or camping at nearby national park.
In a survey of 1,100 U.S. adults, the majority (72%) responded that travel inspires romance, and 28% reported that taking a trip actually improved their sex life (of these respondents, 40% said the improvement was permanent).
This boost to romance, attraction, and a healthy sex life makes perfect sense. Traveling as a couple (especially traveling without the kids) creates an opportunity to spend quality time together without the distractions of daily life.
When you’re on a trip, you probably aren’t worrying about getting the laundry done or who’s going to cook dinner. You’re more relaxed, more “in the moment,” and are more likely to have your own enjoyment on your mind!
There are other factors at work here too, like the sense of adventure and excitement you get from making love in a new place (like a hotel or a bed and breakfast), the amount of time you’ll spend with your spouse, both traveling and at your destination. Another key factor is that your chances of being interrupted by any unexpected events are extremely reduced.
There are plenty of residual benefits to traveling together too!
First, spending a romantic weekend together will have a lasting effect on your connection to one another, even after you’ve returned from your trip. The intangible “warm fuzzies” you feel for your partner, built up through spending time together, focused on each other, won’t just disappear as soon as you get back to normal life.
Chances are, you’ll feel closer than you did before the trip – and those kinds of feelings have a way of perpetuating themselves. The closer you feel, the more affectionate you act. The more affectionate your actions, the closer you feel to your spouse, and so on.
You’ll also have a new set of experiences together, and this has more value than you might think. After a trip together, you’ll have new stories to tell, new inside jokes, and a whole new place/event/experience to talk about with each other. A single trip can resonate with a couple for years!
It should be mentioned that you also have to know how to travel together. To make the most of a trip, whether a full-blown vacation or a romantic night together in the next town over, make sure you have similar expectations. Have a conversation about what you want to do. If one of you wants to sightsee and the other wants to hole up in the hotel all weekend, you’ll be setting yourself up for a mid-trip disagreement if you don’t put those expectations on the table beforehand. Traveling together without being on the same page is a recipe for stress and arguments.
Traveling together, as long as you have shared expectations with your spouse, is a fantastic way to rekindle your connection to one another, give your sex life a boost, and give yourself a chance to feel closer for weeks, months, or even years to come.
It can be a quiet weekend alone or an event-filled week as a tourist – whatever works for you – but no matter what you choose to do, pack your bags, hit the road, and enjoy some quality time together outside of your normal routine!
What would be your ideal vacation with your spouse? Please comment below.
For more ideas on keeping the romance alive and having more fun and excitement, check out our StrongmarriageNow System.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Hollywood superstar Gwyneth Paltrow appears, to many people, to have the perfect life. She’s beautiful, wealthy, decorated with awards, and for followers of her blog, seems to live a lavish life of yoga sessions, trips to France, and red carpet ceremonies.
She recently opened up to Glamour U.K. though, and showed her fans and followers that her life isn’t just a fairy tale – that she’s a person like the rest of us, and that, like many people around the world, her marriage isn’t always smooth sailing.
“It’s hard being married,” she said. “You go through great times, you go through horrible times. We’re the same as any couple.”
Gwyneth is married to Coldplay front man Chris Martin, and says she’s learned more about herself by being married than anything else. She’s learned that she has to give her husband space to meet his creative needs, and she recognizes that each struggle in her relationship is an opportunity to learn and grow.
It’s a healthy reminder that celebs like Paltrow and Martin don’t have perfect relationships, and that they have to work at them just like the rest of us.
Perhaps married couples everywhere can take a cue from this revealing interview, and remember that there is no such thing as perfection – no such thing as a perfect marriage. People have to be actively committed to each other, and to making the relationship work. This means knowing each other’s quirks and needs, and having the strength to find productive solutions when problems arise.
Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, but keeping a positive outlook can help get you through the rough times.
Gwyneth said, “We laugh, we’re good friends, we like to do the same stuff.”
Sometimes reminding yourself of these commonalities is a good way of keeping your marriage in perspective. It may be a lot of work at times, but it’s also a lot of fun at times!
Nobody’s marriage is perfect, despite any appearances. We all have to take an active role to keep our relationships strong, and that means getting to know our partners and ourselves as best we can. Each challenge is a chance to strengthen your marriage, as long as you maintain the right attitude!
For more information on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
We all know the importance of intimacy in marriage – there is plenty of information out there about connecting both physically and emotionally, about how to build trust and communicate, about sharing your heart and soul with the one you love.
Most of the time, though, this kind of advice deals with the heaviest and most serious aspects of marriage: sharing your fears, comforting one another in difficult times, learning the meaning of love and support, etc. And, if you’re experiencing difficulties in your marriage, you’re probably spending a lot of time talking about your problems, which can actually drive more of a wedge between you.
There’s another part of intimacy that is often overlooked, whether your happy in your marriage or not– being fun, spontaneous, and downright silly!
When you have a true connection to someone, you have to be able to laugh with them! No matter who you are, from the most serious scholars to the toughest roughnecks, everyone loves to laugh, and it shows a lot of trust to be able to remain unembarrassed in front of your spouse. From little things like making faces or singing songs to each other, all the way to harmless pranks and ongoing inside jokes – shared laughter helps bring us together.
Laughter helps reduce stress and anxiety, helps reduce physical pain, and fights feelings of depression. When these therapeutic effects are shared with your spouse, bonds are reinforced (consciously and subconsciously) between the two of you – you actually start to associate spending time with your spouse with stress relief! This principle applies in the bedroom too. As laughter causes endorphins to be released in your brain, you’ll find that feelings of insecurity melt away. You will find yourself less likely to be distracted, and emphasizing the “play” in foreplay can help shake up the inevitably routine feeling all married couples experience.
Who says carefree, fun, and playful behavior is just for kids? For some reason, many of us have set aside silly behavior as something for children only, or something that has no place in a romantic relationship. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Romance doesn’t have to be fancy clothes and candlelight dinners. The time you spend alone with your spouse doesn’t have to involve discussing the budget or discussing the news. Play a game! Dance around the house to your favorite upbeat music! Tickle each other, have a pillow fight, build a fort, play in a public fountain – just have some fun! You don’t have to be so grown up all the time.
What do you do in your marriage to maintain your connection to each other? Please comment below.
To learn more about how to reconnect and fall back in love, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
E! News anchor and celebrity personality Giuliana Rancic and her husband, The Apprentice winner Bill Rancic, made headlines recently when she made a very public statement in US Magazine about putting her marriage first, and her new baby second.
She said, “We’re husband and wife, but we’re also best friends, and it’s funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second. That works for some people. For us, I find, we put our marriage first and our child second, because the best thing we can do for him is have a strong marriage.”
s_bukley / Shutterstock.com
This, of course, stirred up public debate (everyone’s got an opinion), and all sorts of discussions of whether or not this sentiment of “marriage first” is right!
The story gained a great deal of attention, including reports from Fox News, Daily Mail, Huffington Post, and a host of other nationally (and internationally) syndicated media outlets. The “comments” sections on each of these online articles register comments by the hundreds, some supportive and some highly critical.
Well, at StrongMarriageNow, we’re inclined to agree with Mr. and Mrs. Rancic – putting your marriage first is only way to ensure that your bond will stay the strongest it can be!
Now, we should be perfectly clear that putting your marriage first does NOT mean ignoring your kids, or thinking of them as any less important. It does mean, however, that to create the best environment for your children (and yourself), it takes parents who love one another, who have a strong, visible connection, and above all, who communicate in an open and healthy way.
For the people criticizing Giuliana’s statements – and some of the comments were harsh to say the least - it’s possible that they are missing this important point completely. No one is advocating the idea that your children shouldn’t be a priority in your life. Instead, the rationale is that putting your marriage first will create an ideal environment in which to raise children – an environment of love and support, of communication and honesty.
If marriage is not a priority, and begins to disintegrate because of it, this can be far more damaging than the idea of the kids being “second priority.”
If parents are fighting often, not communicating, being hostile to one another, or even if there is simply a lot of tension in the home, no amount of “prioritizing” is going to make it a healthy environment to raise a child.
Putting your marriage first IS beneficial to your children because it’s beneficial to your happiness and stability as a spouse and parent. When you are in a better mood, and not spending your energy worrying about your marriage or fighting with your spouse, you will have more energy for the kids, less stress, and be able to share more happiness on a daily basis.
Giuliana added, “So we’re even stronger than we ever were before and even imagined we could be.”
Despite the backlash over the Rancics’ comments, many people have offered comments of support and agreement, and this may very well show that couples across the country have experienced the value of raising children in the context of a strong, top-priority marriage.
Even if the thought of not making the kids your top priority makes you bristle, understand that making your marriage healthy and strong is probably the best thing you can do for your kids!
Making your marriage your top priority has a serious ripple effect into the rest of your life. When your relationship is stable and happy, you, in turn, are stable and happy, and those are two great qualities to have in a parent!
Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Dr. Dana and Amy
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Have you had a chance to listen to the recent hit song by P!ink and Nate Ruess (frontman of the band Fun)?
The song, title “Just Give Me A Reason” speaks directly about one of the most important messages we have at StrongMarriageNow: the ability to rekindle your relationship and learn to fall back in love with the person you’re already married to!
Rock-star, P!nk and Husband, Carey Hart Fighting To Make Their Marriage Work Despite Its Ups and Downs
The song’s lyrics deal with a couple who has grown apart, and are experiencing “falling out of love” – a feeling that may be all to familiar for many married couples.
The song, however, is hopeful (and this is where it lines up with what we’re all about at StrongMarriageNow). The lyrics say:
“Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second, we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again”
This says a great deal about the power to rebuild romantic relationships in the face of difficulty, whether it’s an affair, arguments, financial trouble, or simply “falling out of love.”
As the lyrics say, it can start with just one reason, finding one little thing about your spouse that reminds you why you fell for them in the first place, or that you’re committed to making it work. This or any other reason that’s meaningful to you can be enough to start rebuilding your marriage and learn to love again.
The image conjured by “we’re not broken just bent” provides real hope for couples experiencing a rough time in their marriage – it isn’t necessarily broken, it isn’t time to throw in the towel and chalk it up as a loss. If it’s just bent, it can be fixed, and it only takes a few steps in the right direction to start straightening out the kinks and getting things back on track.
If you’re feeling disconnected in your marriage, feeling that things just aren’t the way they used to be, find that one reason and learn to love again! To start learning how to love again and save your marriage, check out our StrongMarriageNow System today.
Check out the music video “Just Give Me A Reason” by P!nk above. Note the presence of P!nk with her real-life husband, Carey Hart. The couple continues the fight to make their marriage work despite it’s ups and downs.
Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Dr. Dana and Amy
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Is it possible that being married has an impact on the quality of your health? Taking it a step further, does a happy marriage actually result in better health?
The answer, according to several studies, is a resounding “yes!” to both questions. Simply being married can have a few positive benefits for our overall health, and it’s not hard to see why.
The personal connection that exists within a marriage offers a social bond that can have a positive impact on your health, namely in the form of support. This manifests itself in two ways:
1. When you’re married, you’re less likely to engage in risky behavior. If you are considering your spouse’s wellbeing, you may think twice about taking a risk or doing something dangerous. Simply thinking about the other person makes you less likely to put your own health in jeopardy.
2. Married couples can act as a “health helper” for one another. This means reinforcing healthy behaviors like diet and exercise regimens, as well as acting as a voice of reason when it’s time to seek medical attention or change unhealthy behavior. Having each other to count on means that two minds are looking after the health of each person, and one of them has the benefit of outside perspective. Research also indicates that married people are more likely to follow their doctor’s advice.
Just having someone you love in your life is a reason to stay on top of your health, and the studies show that people tend to do just that, whether they know it or not!
Now, what about the level of happiness in a marriage? Many of these same studies looked at the marital satisfaction as a matter of health, and it turns out that being in an unhealthy relationship can have negative impacts on your health as well.
Couples who argue constantly, who treat one another unfairly or with malice, tend to have much higher stress levels than couples in happy marriages, and this means a higher risk of heart disease and reduced immune system function.
An unhealthy relationship can also lead to depression, which in turn can cause unhealthy lifestyle choices. Unhappy marriages can also lead to obesity and hypertension, as well as the host of health problems that accompany those conditions.
This shows that it pays to work on your marriage to make it the happiest it can be, not just for the relationship itself, but for your own health as well!
When you’re happier, you tend to be healthier, and having a supportive, connected spouse will only help you both stay that way. Build a healthy, happy marriage and it will help you lead a healthy, happy life!
Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Dr. Dana and Amy
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Working on your marriage can sometimes be a daunting task. It can mean addressing serious issues or owning up to big mistakes, but strengthen your marriage isn’t always about overcoming giant obstacles or solving major problems.
In fact, many of us might not be facing large-scale problems, but instead are caught in a cycle of a less-than-satisfying relationship – without a real sense of what’s wrong. Even if you don’t have something huge to address, it doesn’t mean you can’t make an effort to make your relationship great!
No matter where you are in your marriage, there is always room for improvement, and there are some small things you can keep in mind that just make everyone’s life a little bit easier (and a little more pleasant, too). To give your marriage a little shove in the right direction, try these simple things:
1. Contact
Physical contact is a big part of what keeps you connected as a couple, and this doesn’t mean sex! Even the smallest gestures of affection, a quick hug, a kind touch on the arm, all help keep the spark alive. Making a point to touch one another throughout the day, or at least when you can, has a positive effect on both your individual wellbeing and your strength as a couple.
Make a point to get a few good hugs in everyday! Hold hands when you walk through the store together, or simply rest a hand on your spouse when you’re sitting on the couch. It may not seem like much, but these small touches keep the two of you feeling familiar with one another, and a gentle touch can relieve stress, reduce anxiety, and generally make your spouse feel loved!
2. Extra Effort, Extra Consideration
Because we can’t read each other’s minds, sometimes the smallest things can end up causing tension in a marriage. This is especially true when it comes to household chores. The thing that seems like the lowest priority to you might drive your spouse up the wall when left unattended. To avoid this altogether, you can simply make the extra effort to take care of yourself, the kids, or any other little thing you see that needs attending. It’s all about turning your efforts up a notch – spend the extra 10 minutes to put the laundry away or do the few dishes in the sink, not because it’s your turn, but because it needs to be done. In a similar vein, keep your spouse’s schedule and responsibilities in mind. If you can take a small action to reduce just a fraction of their daily stress, you will have strengthened your relationship in a major way.
If you’re both doing this on a regular basis, the chores stay done, and you are both enjoying pleasant surprises of one less thing to do than you thought – and that goes a long way in keeping everyone happy.
3. Stimulating Conversation
Another great way to stay connected is through conversation – but not just any old talk. Make it a priority to chat with your spouse, but not about the things you have to manage together like finances, kids, or household responsibilities. It doesn’t really matter what you’re talking about, as long as it stays away from those potentially stressful and argument inducing topics. Chat about your goals or aspirations, the book you’re reading, something interesting you heard on the radio – anything to get your comparing opinions and intellects. These are the kinds of conversations you had when you were first dating, right? Before the house and the kids and the car payment, you just spoke to each other as people, not husband and wife. This is the path to staying connected on an intellectual level.
As couples age, their opinions and interests can change – if you don’t take the time to talk about it, you may not notice!
It’s not always the big things that make the difference in a marriage – relationships are full of nuance, and keeping the small stuff in mind makes all the difference in your day-to-day lives. Paulo Coehlo once wrote, "It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary," and this couldn't be more accurate for marriage. It's the simple things that keep you connected and in love.
What little things do you do keep stay connected and keep your spouse happy?
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
