Marriage Help: Finding Middle Ground

Building a romantic relationship almost always begins with having something in common, whether it’s taste in music, a favorite restaurant, a movie you both recently saw – there’s got to be something to spark a conversation.

As you grow closer, you likely find more and more opinions you share, things you enjoy doing together, places you both like to visit, and more ways to develop a connection to one another. After all, the relationship wouldn’t grow to the point of marriage unless there was something keeping you connected.

Now, having things in common is great, but what about the things you don’t see eye to eye on?

Finding a middle ground to talk about issues can help save your marriage!
Finding a middle ground to talk about issues can help save your marriage!

Before we even get into compromise, having differences of opinion is a good thing. If you both thought the same way about everything, how would you compliment each other’s personalities? How could you use your experiences to help one another through difficulties or encourage each other to try something new? Differences can be strengths, and understanding this fact makes it much easier to contend with opinions that don’t align with your own.

Beyond the large differences in personality and opinion that help make couples dynamic, there will certainly be disagreements in day-to-day life. When this happens, the best thing to do is work together to find a middle ground that satisfies both of your needs.

We aren’t always going to want the same thing as our spouse, but when it comes to something relatively harmless like what to have for dinner or what color to paint the living room, finding some common ground is much, much better than digging in your heels and causing an argument.

Finding the middle ground could mean talking about your differing opinions (in a calm, constructive way, of course), and deciding together that one choice or the other is the best option, based on the persuasive points of one of you. It could mean creating a third option that meets both of your requirements, and every once in a while, it can mean settling on half and half!

One couple recently featured on the Huffington Post did just that with their wedding cake – half traditional, half Batman. This is a great example of finding the middle ground that, at first thought, seems like it would never work – but when put into action, the end result is something unique, fun, and representative of both people in the marriage.

Shouldn’t your marriage reflect both of your personalities?

In times of conflict, when you can’t seem to come to a mutual decision, stop yourself for a moment. Take a good look at what you’re both trying to accomplish, and instead of fighting for your position, put your heads together to find a common solution you can both be satisfied with.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

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Jillian 10 years ago

Even before we were married, my husband and I were always ok having different opinions about things. It really is the first step to compromise.

Tad 10 years ago

Most of what I fight with my wife about are insignificant details about how we want to handle something with our kids. Once we realize that we have the same general goal, what were fighting about seems stupid.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

Jillian, I'm glad to hear you realize how important compromise is in a relationship.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

Tad, This is very common. Once you can get to the root of the problem, it's usually pretty easy to work the issue out. Take a look at this article on how to "Keep the Small Stuff Small."