3 Ways to Fix Your Marriage

While every relationship is different, some problems that occur in marriages are quite common – they are simply the realities of spending a lot of close time with someone, and with a few tools at our disposal, we can help overcome the common problems and keep our marriages happy and healthy (or get back to this type of marriage if things have begun to go sour).

Here are three fairly straightforward tips for keeping your marriage the best it can be, and to help steer you back onto the right path if you’ve gone astray:

1. Listen and Understand

We can’t say it enough: healthy communication is key to any relationship, romantic or otherwise. For you and your spouse to really connect, you have to know where each other are coming from. That means not only listening to what they have to say, but also internalizing and understanding their unique point of view.

Whether it’s in an argument or a casual conversation, making a point to truly absorb what your spouse is saying makes all the difference in understanding their opinions, their fears, or even how they react to certain situations. Listening and understanding are how you get to know a person deeply, and maintain that connection over time.

Helping your spouse is just one way to improve your marriage.
Helping your spouse is just one way to improve your marriage.

You’d expect the same courtesy from them, right?

2. Meet Your Spouse’s Needs (That They Tell You)

You can’t be expected to be a mind reader, so you may not always be able to meet every one of your spouse’s needs. However, when your husband or wife is able to directly explain what they need in your relationship, you should do your best to meet those needs at every opportunity (and they should do the same for you).

“Needs” is a broad term, and could mean anything from time together to routines around the house, from medical or dietary concerns to something specific in the bedroom – marital needs are determined on an individual basis.

Regardless of what the needs may be, though, as a loving spouse, you should be doing your best to actively meet those needs. When both members of a relationship are pursuing this goal, it creates and atmosphere or support, care, and most importantly, a close knowledge of the other person.


When you strive to meet your partner’s needs, you are striving to make them happy.


3. Understand That Relationship Ebb and Flow

This might be one of the hardest concepts for people to accept, but anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows it well. The dynamic (and even the closeness) of a marriage can ebb and flow over time, meaning that sometimes your attraction and love for each other will be intense, other times less so. This means you have to recognize that a lull does not mean the end of a marriage – instead, it might be a sign to work together to get that spark back!

This wax and wane of romantic relationships is completely common, and can happen for a wide variety of reasons (or even no reason at all). The importance of recognizing this lies in being able to press forward to keep the relationship alive!

Instead of feeling lost or upset when the passion of your marriage seems to have dropped off, recognize that it’s both a natural part of long term relationships, and that it’s up to the two of you to keep your connection alive through communication, spending quality time together, and growing together as a couple.


Keeping these three tips in mind will help you navigate troubles as they arise in your marriage, as well as help you prevent those troubles from happening in the first place.

For more advice and tips on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!


For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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joe 10 years ago

She is just the opposite of the 3 tips, her arrogance makes her unchangeable. she doesn't listen, She doesn't care about others, she concentrates on what she wants all the time, you have too understand arrogance to understand her.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

Joe, Is it possible she is hurt or angry about something in your relationship? If you think that could be an issue, take a look at this video on "How To Heal The Pain." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-heal-the-pain/

joe 10 years ago

Mike the video wouldn't open. As far as her being angry or something in the relationship, i don't think so. We do a lot of things together and with friends, ski all winter, parties, bowling, dancing, movies. I think she just worked to close with the guy who ran the engineering dept. and didn't think anything about crossing that line or any bounderies. She had the affair for 5yrs. and told me she had feekings for him. I wish i had got a divorce.