Stop Argument: How to Stop the Never-Ending Argument

Are you tired of the argument that never seems to end? Do you feel as if you argue about the same thing(s) over and over again?  Do you want to stop the pain but don’t know how?

Gracefully Accepting a Concession Resolves Issues

Here, I am using the word concession to mean yielding, giving in, admitting we might be wrong.   How many times have we been in the middle of a fight and realized the other person was in fact right, (or more right than we were anyway), but we kept fighting. This often has to do with pride; it sometimes has to do with needing to be right, but just as often it has to do with the other person's inability to gracefully accept a concession.

I don't know how many times I've heard one person in a couple say begrudgingly, "Well, you're right, I shouldn't have done that," only to have the other person respond with a triumphant gleam in their eye, "You bet I'm right!  You never listen to me.  Now, let me now tell you the other 27 times you've been wrong!"

I understand why people do this.  They see it as an opportunity to increase their power in the relationship and they want to take advantage of that opportunity for as long as possible.  Unfortunately, this just teaches their partner that it is not safe to ever admit they're wrong or to concede that their partner may have a valid point.  And, chances are, if one person in the couple does not gracefully accept a concession, neither does the other one in an attempt to get that power back.  This pattern effectively sets up a communication style that does not ever allow compromise or concession.

This is, in my opinion, one of the biggest barriers to resolving most conflicts in a relationship.  It isn't that someone doesn't know they're wrong or that the other person is right, it's just that it's not safe to admit it.

Gracefully accepting a concession is not always easy, but it is very simple.  Just say, "Thank you” or “I appreciate it," and move on.  Give it a try today.

To learn more about gracefully accepting a concession to resolve issues using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.

Stop argument: Do you have trouble gracefully accepting a concession? Does your partner?  How can we help? Please comment below.

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

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