Not Happy in Marriage? How To Tear Down The Wall Between You – It’s Okay To Be Silly

We all know the importance of intimacy in marriage – there is plenty of information out there about connecting both physically and emotionally, about how to build trust and communicate, about sharing your heart and soul with the one you love.

Most of the time, though, this kind of advice deals with the heaviest and most serious aspects of marriage: sharing your fears, comforting one another in difficult times, learning the meaning of love and support, etc. And, if you’re experiencing difficulties in your marriage, you’re probably spending a lot of time talking about your problems, which can actually drive more of a wedge between you.

There’s another part of intimacy that is often overlooked, whether your happy in your marriage or not– being fun, spontaneous, and downright silly!

Laughing together is a great way to be intimate!

When you have a true connection to someone, you have to be able to laugh with them! No matter who you are, from the most serious scholars to the toughest roughnecks, everyone loves to laugh, and it shows a lot of trust to be able to remain unembarrassed in front of your spouse. From little things like making faces or singing songs to each other, all the way to harmless pranks and ongoing inside jokes – shared laughter helps bring us together.

Laughter helps reduce stress and anxiety, helps reduce physical pain, and fights feelings of depression. When these therapeutic effects are shared with your spouse, bonds are reinforced (consciously and subconsciously) between the two of you – you actually start to associate spending time with your spouse with stress relief! This principle applies in the bedroom too. As laughter causes endorphins to be released in your brain, you’ll find that feelings of insecurity melt away. You will find yourself less likely to be distracted, and emphasizing the “play” in foreplay can help shake up the inevitably routine feeling all married couples experience.

Who says carefree, fun, and playful behavior is just for kids? For some reason, many of us have set aside silly behavior as something for children only, or something that has no place in a romantic relationship. This couldn’t be further from the truth!

Romance doesn’t have to be fancy clothes and candlelight dinners. The time you spend alone with your spouse doesn’t have to involve discussing the budget or discussing the news. Play a game! Dance around the house to your favorite upbeat music! Tickle each other, have a pillow fight, build a fort, play in a public fountain – just have some fun! You don’t have to be so grown up all the time.

Not happy in marriage? What do you do in your marriage to maintain your connection to each other? Please comment below.
To learn more about how to reconnect and fall back in love, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,



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