At every moment of every day, in every situation you encounter, you have a choice to make – and there are only two options. This choice affects every aspect of your life, from your job performance to your personal productivity, from the way you feel physically to the strength of your relationships with other people (especially your spouse).
This choice is a simple one: you can either chose to be positive, or you can choose to let negativity rule your life.
This choice is all encompassing – it determines the way you communicate with others and defines your entire outlook on life.
This may sound like a huge undertaking, but it’s really quite simple. You can either choose to be in control of your own happiness, or you can let it be determined by the things around you – it’s all up to you.
When you choose to be happy, though, there is nothing that can dampen your spirits – not the bills or stress from work, not an argument with your spouse or a traffic jam. When you are in control of your mood, your happiness comes from within, and outside factors don’t stand a chance.
Happiness has a way of affecting the rest of your life too. When you choose to be happy at work, you’ll get more done, you’ll be more accurate, and you’ll be more pleasant to be around – and this quickly transforms into more opportunities for advancement, more recognition, and ultimately, raises and promotions.
When you choose to be happy in your day-to-day errands and routines, the daily commute is suddenly less stressful, waiting in line doesn’t seem so bad, and all of the potential stress-causers roll right off of your back.
Most importantly, choosing to be happy has an immense impact on the quality of your marriage. Making the conscious choice to be in control of your mood translates directly into fewer arguments, more affection, a better sex life, and an all around happier existence as a couple!
This simple choice really does make that big of a difference!
If you can find it within yourself to have a positive outlook on life, to understand that the only person responsible for your happiness is you – you can change your entire life! An attitude of general happiness makes it easier to solve problems, to approach new situations – to do anything you want!
Marriage advice music love: What do you do to harness your inner happiness? Let us know in the comments!
For more tips on improving your mood and marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
easily said than done when your loving spouse of 13 years with 3 daughters, has cheated on you..
My marriage is ending right now because my wife has decided she is "unhappy" and even though we've been married for 20 years next month and in all that time (and for the 5 years I was with her before that) she "didn't believe in divorce" the ONLY thing she can see that will "make" her happy is living her life in charge of everything. From balancing her checkbook to cleaning her own home! She tells me I'm a great husband and father. She likes being with me and doing things together, she just thinks by doing this she will be "forced" to not withdraw. She doesn't she happiness as her choice, it's something she either feels or doesn't. We got to week 4 of the program and she got angry and quit. Nothing I say or do matters, she has made up her mind. How do you get a message like the one on this post through to someone who won't listen? Who has made up their mind and is so caught up in their own "happiness" ( or lack there of) that they don't care who gets hurt or tells them self that "if I was happy, I would be better with my kids so while breaking up the family will hurt them but I'll be a better mom if I were happy"? For any marriage system to work, both people need to try. What do you do when one won't?
I believe this article about being positive is true. The part about gearing up for it is the hard part. I have to REMIND MYSELF that even in light of all the problems, (financial, marriage, etc.) I can see beyond my worry and negative, hopeless self talk and stop before I never make it out alive emotionally (and bring others down with me)! And then remember there are some things I can't control anyway, damaging choices that my spouse makes. I love him and pray for him. It's not easy to feel positive, takes strength to see reality and still love someone in light of the situation. That is where prayer alone helps.
I am reminded of Jesus life. Crowds gathered to be near Him. Why? He made everyone feel loved! He blessed the life of whoever crossed His path. He healed their physical ailments, He forgave their sins, he lifted the down trodden, He told them of a new way of love and forgivness. A beautiful welcoming message. Would you like to be close to someone like that? He said, "Follow me." His example is a message of hope to every situation. He loved unconditionally. He did not judge. He did not bless anyone who deserved it, for no one deserved His love. He blessed the undeserving. Even to the men who hung Him on the cross, He said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." This is where we get to choose between love and forgivness, or blame. One sets us free and others also.The other puts us in prison. What does your spouse want to be close to? Love and forgiveness, or blame. What do you want to be close to. The Golden Rule says, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Choose to love. Forgive the undeserving, and maybe that will help them to do the same for you.
im in a simmaler situation married to my wife 10 years 4 kids and she dosnt want to be with me anny more I don't make her happy.
I'm going through this myself. My husband of 11 yrs, together over 14 yrs is "unhappy." I don't have actual proof and he won't admit to anything but he has been caught in lies and there have been texts that indicate he's having an affair. She has convinced him he'll be happier elsewhere. Meanwhile I have two young children I'm trying to spare this emotional rollar coaster from. He shut down and dozed off during the intro videos of why we should try this. He has not been willing to try anything. He tell me he loves me but is not in love with me; he tells me I cannot be happy like this (of course not - the person I invested my life with no longer wants me) But I am willing to work at everything and try to make it better. He said it's awkward and annoying to try and do anything alone with me. So no I believe 2 partners need to be willing - that is what makes up a marriage and it doesn't matter how much you show them love and respect and forgiveness. He told me he's only still around out of guilt, he told his parents he's unhappy and I deserve better. He has decided to move out, actually he tried to put the house up for sale without telling me on a phone app. When I tried to apply steps 1 adn 2 without him he told me it was too much too soon. I really don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I am trying to be amicable about this for the children's sake but I see a future alone and if he follows through with moving out I don't ever see getting back together. Not after putting the children through this. There is no destrying a child's world for your own selfishness - they will never forget this and neither will I. It would be one thing if we tried everything and then failed. It's another to continue an inappropriate relationship and lying about it while pretending to be working at it and tell yourself and others you tried everything and you are just not happy and believe you'll be happy somewhere else. Sorry this was a bit of a ramp - i'm a bit emotional right now and have limited resources to release. But feel free to correct me or tell me where I am wrong. I am open to criticism as well as empathy.
FYI - Kindness and acting Happy doesn't change anything in a stubborn person. But anger doesn't get you anywhere either. These spouses just put us in impossible situations that we alone need to work through and expect that one day Karma will bite them in the ass.
It tugs in my heart to hear your pain. It's real. You are competing with a novelty which offers more superfical excitement than you can because of the stage in your relationship.You gave him that at one time too, but now that he knows you and takes you for granted, he is letting that inborn lust for a strange woman to be ignited and fanned. The hope is in the fact that it will in time fade. He then will move on again, or he may awaken to see what he had, when he had you in his heart. I admire your patience, and encourage you to keep on. Don't risk your health or your childrens (sexual deseases), but choose to love him inspite of his unfaithfulness. Look through his failings, and see the person and his potential if only he can wake up. If your husband could come to know the unconditional love of Jesus, and I mean to the point of it filling his heart. He could not carry on in sin. He would see how he was hurting you and yours, and that would enable empathy to reach out of his heart to you. There is a DVD called Fireproof your marriage. If you could watch it with your husband, it may help to kindle a new beginning.
You say there are Two choices and that makes sense but how do you chose to be Happy in a Verbally/Emotionally abusive relationship? How do you try to look past all the harsh words and lack of empathy and compassion? I have been married for 22 yrs and about 10 plus years ago I kept telling myself something was not right with our marriage but couldn't quite put my finger on it. I would try to talk to him and he would void all my thoughts and feelings and tell me he is how he is and he not changing for me or anyone, if I didn't like it then there was the door. About Four years ago I ended up TALKING to an old high school friend, I emphasize talk because it was no more than that. I wasn't looking for a relationship and he was familiar I wouldn't of never talked with a stranger..long story short I told my husband I was talking to him and of course as expected he was not happy..I understand his side saying it was an emotional affair and I am very remorseful and regretful but to this day 4 years later he still brings it up almost A dailY basis , he has called me every nasty name in the book and has admitted to how he had treated me in the past with now it being 100X worse since he has a reason to put behind his behavior .i have been to counseling , taking meds for depression and he has done nothing ..he has never apologized for any wrong doing on his part and continues to punish me .he is not an for giving trusting person to begin with..Question is "am I suppose to just deal with it and be happy"