We all know that it takes a concerted effort on both people’s part to keep a marriage healthy and strong. We know that spending time together is important, the communication is critical, and that patience and kindness are virtues essential to a happy relationship….
But there are plenty of other little things that go into keeping each other happy, and because men and women often have pretty different psychology, each of you are going to have different subtleties that make you feel connected.
Here are a few ways to make sure your wife feels loved and appreciated, and in turn, happy and and engaged in your marriage:
1. Top Priority
Everyone wants to feel important. When you agree to get married, you are saying to one another: “I choose you to be my partner, my number one” – but unfortunately, many of us lose sight of the promise as the years go by. Eventually, we’re only half paying attention to what she says, choosing other projects over spending time together, and so on. This is NOT a good way to keep your marriage intact.
To make her feel loved, make her your top priority! This doesn’t mean you have to give up everything else, just that you make the effort to choose her first! Her happiness and wellbeing should be a primary concern – more than your friends, your mom, your job, your hobbies. Each day, make the effort to maker HER life better, and ideally, she’ll be doing the same for you!
2. Eye Contact
Communication is paramount in relationships of all kinds, but in a loving, romantic relationship, it’s not enough to just speak and listen. To have a serious impact, to let her know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re listening and that you care: look her in the eye!
Eye contact is incredibly powerful, and lets your wife know that you’re not just listening, but actively taking in what she has to say, paying attention to her expressions and body language, and are fully engaged in the conversation.
It may seem like a minor thing, but the importance of eye contact cannot be overstated. It shows a level of attentiveness and intention that can’t be achieved any other way.
Just as people like to feel important, they also love to feel good about themselves. So many of us are self-conscious, struggle with confidence, etc., and sometimes a simple compliment can be just what we need to brighten our spirits and boost self-esteem.
Whenever you can, compliment your wife! Tell her she’s beautiful, let her know how much you appreciate her efforts around the house, tell her she’s a great mother, anything! Don’t just offer up hollow praise, though – make it specific to her, be genuine, and don’t just focus on physical appearance. What about her values or personality do you love?
Let her know!
As part of those differences between men and women, the idea of support from a spouse takes different forms. For women especially, it’s important to feel heard. They don’t necessarily need you to solve all of their problems (a mistake men commonly make), they just want your support and empathy.
She wants to tell you how she feels, and by just letting her vent, you’re being an important source of support. When she’s upset (even mildly), you can be the pillar she leans on – and that simple fact will mean the world to her.
What better way to show love that acts of affection! Hugs and kisses, holding hands, a gentle touch or a passionate embrace – it all shows how attracted to her you are, how you want to connect physically, and that you enjoy closeness with her. All of that adds up to her feeling loved, attractive, protected, and cherished.
It can be the smallest thing, like a soft caress on her face as you both wake up in the morning, and it will mean the world to her. Don’t just tell her you love her, show her!
All of these things are relatively small and easy to do – you just have to put in the effort. Taking steps to make your wife feel loved and appreciated will put her in a better overall mood and make her feel more connected to the marriage – which likely means she’ll put forth more effort to make you feel loved and appreciated… And the cycle will continue on, strengthening your marriage every step of the way!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com