The reality is that once we are married, we spend a lot of time as husband and wife, paying the bills, taking care of the family.  We spend a lot of time as mom and dad, playing with the kids and parenting in a marriage.  But if we are not careful, we spend very little time as a Man and a Woman.

My research and experience over the years has shown me that there are several key things that couples need to keep in mind in order to have a strong, healthy and happy sex life.  One of the important ones is keeping the bedroom sexy!  In the bedroom, make sure that the Man and Woman roles are the top priority.

There are several things that a couple can do to ensure this.  First, decorate the bedroom in a way that both people approve and enjoy.  For some people, there’s nothing less sexy than pink frilly sheets, for others, Pittsburg Steeler pillowcases turn them right off!  The couple should mutually agree upon what they both find to be a pleasant, comfortable decor.

Second, the bedroom must feel safe for the couple - meaning, it must be sound-proofed and lockable.  Nothing can turn the mood off faster than worrying about your kids walking in or hearing you.  You shouldn’t have to feel that you need to suppress what’s going on with you.

Third, a messy bedroom is just not sexy.  It immediately puts one or both of you back in your other roles.  Plus, 70% of divorces are caused by disagreements over money or an unfair division of labor. There’s nothing like having unpaid bills or dirty socks on the floor to bring up resentments about money or an unfair division of labor.

Fourth, no TV.  No interactive electronics, laptops, or Facebook anywhere around the event (before or after).  Couples that have televisions in their bedroom have half the sex of couples who don’t and if you’re over 50 that statistic drops to ⅕ of the sex.

Further, put a little effort into setting the mood.  Now, this is different for different people.  Some people hate to be cold, others hot, so the temperature needs to be comfortable for both partners.  Some people like candles. Many people like music, although keep in mind that the type of music may change depending on the mood for the evening (i.e. sometimes we’re in the mood for Yanni and sometimes we’re in the mood for AC-DC!)

Monogamy, by definition, can be boring.   You can have champagne and caviar every day and eventually you’ll get sick of it.  So when thinking of making over your bedroom, don’t be afraid to add something new whether that be toys, mirrors, or chocolate syrup.  Keep it interesting.

And finally, while it’s important to have a sexy bedroom, remember that the bedroom is not the only place you can have fun.  In the backyard, in front of the fireplace, and even on the infamous kitchen table are all great options.  Don’t be afraid to spice it up!

To learn more about spicing up your sex life using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.

Want to Discover How to Have a More Passionate Sex Life?

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Sexy makeover: Have you recognized any other issues holding you back?  How can we help?  Please comment below.

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Improve Your Relationship With Sex Therapy . Visit