How to Have More Success in the Bedroom

Are you interested in improving your sex life?  Would you like an exercise that can open up communication between you and your spouse? Before getting into the exercise, here's a tip that can transform how each of you think about your sex life.

Try this tip
One thing that may help you connect and improve your sex life is to understand one of Mother Nature’s “Big Jokes.”

Here it is! A man feels connected by having sex. A woman needs to feel connected in order to want to have sex. Neither one is wrong. But we often miss each other because we fail to understand this. Sex for both partners is an attempt to achieve intimacy; they just take different paths to get to the same destination! Again, it's important to keep this in mind as you work on your sex life, because this is the cause of many misunderstandings around sex for both men and women. There are, of course, some couples where the roles are reversed but in general, research has shown this to be the case.

To help correct this misunderstanding, if you're the wife, see your husband's desire for sex as a desire to feel close, loving and connected to you and welcome the opportunity to strengthen your bond as a couple. If you're the husband, take the time to stay connected with your wife throughout the day, check in on her and see how she's feeling. Ensuring that your wife knows you care throughout the day (not just 5 minutes before you want to have sex) will help her feel close to you and much more receptive to your advances.

Now, take a look at this exercise to explore how you both feel about the quality and quantity of your sex life. You'll also select a few things that can make it even better.

Exercise:  Assess and Improve Your Sex Life

One of the most common reasons couples come to counseling is disagreements around sex. It’s important to understand how both partners feel about the quality and/or quantity of sex as well as to lovingly and openly discuss this often sensitive topic.

Print two copies of this exercise so that both you and your spouse can complete it.  Follow these steps to assess and improve your sex life:

1.  Grade your satisfaction with the QUALITY of your sex life

1 - Extremely Satisfied
2 - Satisfied
3 - Neutral
4 - Dissatisfied
5 - Extremely Dissatisfied

2.  Circle 2 things that would improve the QUALITY of your sex life

●   More excitement and enthusiasm
●   More variety
●   Less criticism or judgment
●   Meets more of my needs
●   More foreplay
●   More exploration of the whole range of sexual experiences
●   Increased sexiness
●   More exploration of fantasies
●   Increased trust
●   Other ______________________________

3.  Grade your satisfaction with the QUANTITY of your sex life

1 - Extremely Satisfied
2 - Satisfied
3 - Neutral
4 - Dissatisfied
5 - Extremely Dissatisfied

4.  Circle 2 things that would improve the QUANTITY of your sex life

●   More excitement and enthusiasm
●   More variety
●   Less criticism or judgment
●   Meets more of my needs
●   More foreplay
●   More exploration of the whole range of sexual experiences
●   Increased sexiness
●   More exploration of fantasies
●   Increased trust
●   Other ______________________________

5.  Gently share your assessment with your partner.

Have a loving conversation.  Do not blame or shame.  Take responsibility for your part and choose one item from your partner’s list and make it a priority to work on it tonight.

Use this exercise and Mother Nature’s “Big Joke” to get closer to each other. You’ll have a lot of fun!

We’ve got five full videos on dramatically improving your sex life in the StrongMarriageNow System.  Check it out!

Better sex in marriage: Did you try this exercise? What do you think about Mother Nature's "Big Joke?" Tell us below!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

  • http://austinmarriagecounselor.net/ Robert

    I think that you are absolutely right. I find that the more my wife and I connect on a casual everyday relational level the closer we get, and now that you mentioned it I notice my wife’s increased desire for sexual activity as a result.

    Some counsellors do have great advice.

    Thank you
    Robert G.

    • http://StrongMarriageNow.com amybarnhartsd

      Thanks for your comment! So glad this helped you!

  • naijo belford

    I appreciate all I know they are all great help, my sex life with my husband is very dull, first few years was good then it slowly went away, it’s like I am not even there, I always have to work on having him come closer to me, he is not a loving person, unless I started it he will not be close to me. he lays down in bed and is asleep right away.
    our problem is: he blames me for everything and anything, number 1 problem in our home is we have his grow daughters lived with us, plus the boyfriend of one, they have no responsibility of anything, cleaning the house or help pay for anything, when I ask my husband to ask them to help, he tells me I am very seldom and that I should wait till they are on their feet. all of them work regular jobs but no one helps with the bills. this has been our reason of our fights, disagreement, he tells me I hate his children, only God knows I don’t hate anybody, I tried my best by making sure all the bills are payed taking care of my own need, but tells me I am very selfish person, and his friends tells him that, so believe them.
    I am the only source of income in our family, his and mine. many times I wanted to move out of their house and leave them to themselves, but he tells me, why do I want to do that when he is doing everything to please me so I wont be mad, cleaning the house, making sure the bathrooms are clean to the max, as I always want things my way. but now I want to move out, I tell him, I don’t want him to do any of that, if you don’t want to live in a clean house then don’t do it. his favorite words, is that I am very picky, selfish and not a nice person. what can I do…..everybody tells me to leave him to be with his family, I should move out and take care of number one.
    please help me.

  • james fletcher

    I, also was in a marriage where my Ex turned my kids against me & i really lived in Hell for 17 years, before i went to a marriage counseling class offered through the local hospital & it literally saved my lif! I think you should look for a class offered by your local hospital,church or mental health office! Please look into something like this, as you are being treated with Bad Mind Games, as i was subjected to! Go to a few of these classes& you will see that you would be better off getting OUT! Please seek help, so you can get on with your life! Soon! Also, go to church, as God will Help you!