Does your spouse feel more like a roommate than a lover? Do you find yourself in the same room but feeling lonely and disconnected? Do you miss the one you first fell in love with and long to reconnect? You’ve likely heard us talk about this many times, but we’ll say it again because it’s so important. One of the best ways to reconnect and feel close again is to spend quality time alone together.
What Alone Time Is and Isn’t
What is Time Alone Together? Well, first, we’re going to describe what it is not: It is not watching TV together, not going to a movie together, not going to a loud bar together, not reading your own books in bed while lying next to each other, (not even describing the good parts to each other!) and it is not being in one room together while the kids are awake and in another. Also, it is not being in the same room together while you’re on Facebook! (Welcome to the 21st century.) Additionally, time alone together is not going out with other couples, though it is very important to have close friends that support the marriage. And finally, it is not spending time together along with the family, (kids, in-laws, etc.), despite the fact that this is the second most important priority – it doesn’t count as Time Alone Together.
Time alone together must be in a place where you can make eye contact and talk only with each other for a significant block of uninterrupted time. It occurs anywhere you feel like you can let your guard down and connect. This time can occur anywhere you feel safe with each other.
This should not be a chore. We don’t have to talk about the heavy stuff every time, but at the same time we shouldn’t spend all of our time discussing the basic running of our lives. “Have you called the plumber? Have you paid those bills? Who’s taking the kids to soccer practice?” These are all things we need to discuss, but they don’t help us connect on a deeper level. Instead, this is the time we need to reconnect with each other as a man and a woman, building and maintaining that relationship as the foundation of a happy and healthy marriage.
The bottom line is that it’s impossible to be in love with someone you’re never alone with. To regain the love, invest in spending quality time alone together.
Marriage advice secret: To learn more about Spending Time Together – What It Is and Isn’t using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
Do you spend enough time together in your relationship? What do you do? Does it help? Please comment below.
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com