If you’ve been having some trouble in your marriage lately, especially if the problems seem relatively new, it’s absolutely critical that you don’t panic – and accidentally make the issues worse than they already are.
Couples can experience problems for any number of reasons, but when those problems first arise, it can be jarring. One (or both) of you might feel blindsided, or it might feel like the problem has been a long time coming – and is just now coming to a head. Either way, the tension that people feel can affect their behavior. Fights (and saying things we don’t really mean) can lead to resentment, and because of all this, problems have a way of folding back on themselves and making things worse and worse the longer they go unresolved.
So, if you are experiencing problems, what should you do?
Specific problems will, of course, require specific solutions – but in an effort to help you and your spouse keep things from getting worse, these are pretty universal tips to help you ensure you’re in a mental and emotional place that will allow you to tackle the specifics and move beyond your problems.
The first step, as the title of this blog suggests, is to keep your head. Don’t panic or stress out that your marriage is falling apart. This may sound all but impossible, but think about it for a moment – if you’re stressing out, feeling tense, angry, or depressed, you’re more likely to be short with your spouse, which could then learn to more arguments instead of productive communication.
Similarly, allowing yourself to panic or wallow in self-defeat will also make you less likely to feel like you can make positive changes to your situation – and that’s going to prevent you from making an effort to improve your marriage.
Next, do everything you can to avoid drama – both in your relationship and in other facets of your life. Conflict tends to breed more conflict. If you’re getting into it with people at work, spending time with chaotic or dramatic friends, etc., this tension will bleed into your marriage.
The same goes for the day to day of your marriage. Drama comes from nitpicky arguments, from pushing each other’s buttons, from a lack of effort to keep things loving and positive…
Picking fights, employing the “silent treatment,” even letting yourself get dragged into battles over finances, the kids, etc., can shift your focus from solvable problems to “dramatic” conflict that only pulls you further away from your spouse. Avoid this kind of drama as best you can.
Lastly, don’t be afraid of counseling! Professional counselors, material like the StrongMarriageNow System, and even the information found in these blogs can help you understand the source of your problems, as well as help you develop ways to strengthen your marriage and get things back to a place of happiness and connection.
Far too many couples wait until things are at their worst to seek help, when they could have tackled their problems much, much sooner. If you’re having problems, don’t hesitate to start working on them! At the very least, don’t be afraid to research your options or start learning about the elements of a healthy marriage!
Material and services that help couples build strong marriages aren’t just reserved for struggling couples. Any marriage can stand to benefit from this type of advice and information – and if you are worried about the state of your relationship, that’s all the more reason to explore ways to improve it!
The main point here is this: DON’T GIVE UP!
Even if things seem bad, hope is not lost. You can adjust your attitude, the way to treat your spouse, and where you focus your efforts to get things back on track.