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Is Fighting In Front of The Kids Ever OK?

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The Most Common Fight – And How to Stop It

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10 Conversations You and Your Spouse Need to Have

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4 comments

Jane Jetson 9 years ago

Thanks so much for sharing this insight. I am the wife who feels like I'm slipping away and that my husband doesn't have the tools, stamina, continuous drive to "save" me. This is my college sweetheart and, after 20 years married, we've been through almost everything -- deaths, births, miscarriages, new jobs, brink of separation/divorce (thankfully, no infidelity... I don't think); and the root of 95% of our problems: sex and my husband's dissatisfaction with the frequency of it (or lack thereof). I blame myself: in my quest not to be a nagging wife and per my easy-going nature,I haven't spoken up or been adamant about what I want or need; thus, my needs for more romance and non-sexual intimacy are seldom met or addressed regularly... thus, the cycle of sex-today/no-sex-for-weeks continues with a blow-up conversation and days of silence in between.. We've gone to counseling; I've prayed and sometimes we pray together; shared with friends; and we are kinda able to calmly talk and email things through (esp. after sex). But, I feel like I want off of this rollercoaster ride that keeps coming back to the same starting point. I told my husband this about a month ago, and we had a come-to-Jesus conversation where he shared deep emotions about not wanting "us" to end. And, I do believe he means that. Unfortunately, his efforts to improve last about two weeks; then, we're back to broken promises/commitments and no lasting focus on maintaining the things that aren't all self-gratifying. And, I think that's where the rubber meets the road for me: I've created a "monster" who is mostly caught up in the activities that please him (sex, cooked meals, minimal dates that aren't executed by me) without consistent consideration for what I may want or need. I'm definitely slipping away and, the further away I get, the least desire I have to extend my arm for pull-up assistance. Thanks, again, for this post... and for letting me me get this off my heart. Signed, Jane Jetson (aka "Jane... stop this crazy thing!!!")

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Jane, Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I am sorry your needs are not being met, but I am glad to hear you are both on the same page about not wanting to end things. Please take a view moments to view this video. I think you will both benefit from this video. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/important-problem/sex-life-yt/

Sad and Lonely 9 years ago

I feel the same way. I have been trying different things for years. Things feel better and I even believe that we have turned a corner, but sadly that only lasts for a few weeks. Then he retreats at the first sign of conflict. He never wants to deal with things, he thinks he can just stay a safe distance and it will blow over. What actually happens is I get tired and disengage further which he believes is blown over. Everything is just compounding over the years of unresolved issues.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Sad and Lonely, It sounds like the two of you need to spend some time developing your communication skills. Here is a helpful video on "How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage Today."