A new study conducted at Albright College has illuminated a new indicator that can show if a spouse (or any significant other) is cheating.
The study looked the differences in speech characteristics – pitch, tone, etc. – when people talked to their significant others, and when they talked to a non-romantic friend of the same sex.
The recordings of these conversations were then given to 80 independent “raters,” who were asked to determine if the recording was a conversation with a lover or not. These raters were only able to hear one side of the conversation, and sometimes for only a couple of seconds at a time, yet the raters were able to correctly identify the romantic relationships the majority of the time.
The qualities of the romantic conversations were described as “more pleasant, sexier, and reflecting greater romantic interest” than the calls between non-romantically involved friends.
While these characteristics may sound vague, it’s no stretch to imagine recognizing these qualities of speech, whether directed at us, or at someone else.
While we don’t want to encourage you to intently listen to every conversation your spouse is having, this information may be a useful way to help confirm or dismiss suspicions that your spouse is having an affair.
The subtleties of the way we speak to one another can be very telling, and not just as a detector for infidelity. Pay close attention to the way people speak to you, and to the natural changes in your own voice, depending on who you talk to.
The study also found that men and women both change their voices to match the tone of the person they are romantically involved with – women lower their pitch when speaking with men, and men raise theirs when speaking with women. This is thought to be an unconscious method of forming a connection by showing the people we’re communicating with reflections of themselves.
It’s worth noting that the vocal inflections tested were those of relatively new couples, still assumed to be in the “honeymoon” phase of their relationship.
This could further indicate an extramarital affair, since the excited, “sexier” vocal inflections were associated with newly formed relationships in particular.
If you’re feeling suspicious, it’s definitely worth taking note of your spouse’s tone on the phone.
Remember, though, an affair does NOT mean that a marriage is ruined. It’s one of the toughest, most painful things that can happen in a marriage, but couples can get through it if they are willing to work at it!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
My husband left me because he was having an affair. He came back saying he was sorry and wouldn't ever hurt me again. Of course, I believed him. He said all the right things, did all the right things and told everyone the same thing. After two months he left me again for the same woman saying he still had feelings for her and was going to follow his heart. How do you get over that?
My husband continues to say I've had/or having affairs which I would not dare do and he has no proof but him and jack Daniels
Hi Sharon, Thanks for the comment. Working on effective communication is key to a successful marriage. Here is a great link to how drinking can have negative effects on your relationship: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-drinking-destroying-marriage/ Good luck!
Hi Mischelle, Thanks for the comment! Rebuilding a marriage after an affair is very difficult, but it can be done. Check out our video on regaining trust: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-regain-trust-its-destroyed/. Best of luck!
My husband & I will be married for 5years in 3weeks in the past he has cheated on me & when he did it was on the 1year anniversary of me having a miscarriage &then the girl said she was pregnant by him and she was going to give him what I could not turned out that she was not this hurt me so bad made and still today 3 years later makes me sick I still think about it and its hurt our marriage so bad that 1 month2 weeks & 1 day ago he told me he wants a Divorce now! I don't want a divorce at all from him . I know I have to work on me and my forgiveness 1st! Me and him still talk everyday but now that we now live in different states even I just want 2 go home to him but he says let's be friends first ! I'm very confused do u think he wants to work on it or just forget everything now and move on? I'm very scared that this could be it for us we have split up before but this is the longest ever I want us 2 work out and just be our family again please help
Hi Angel, thanks for you comment! You are on the right track by knowing that you'd like to work on forgiveness! Please check out our video on "How to Get Over the Hurt" here" https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-hurt/. Thanks again!
I want nothing more than to save our marriage. I know that I could come to forgive him again but it is not me that doesn't want the marriage. Apparently our marriage vows mean nothing to him. I wish I could find a way to get him to see that saving our marriage is worth it but he has to let the other woman go and he says he isn't going to do that. He is in love with her and is going to follow his heart. I now just have to figure out how to move on. AND I really don't know how.
I know that hurts!!! even having the miscarriage is enough stress but dealing with your husband actions alone is very difficult. I would use this time to get strong for you. Pray for God to make his heart soft and for you to find forgiveness. i know true forgiveness is hard and im working on that now myself. But cry and stay strong and God will help you.