How To Survive An Affair / Infidelity in Marriage

Are you or someone you love trying to survive the pain and betrayal of infidelity? Are you wondering if your marriage is worth saving? Thinking of calling it quits?

Your marriage can survive an affair and even be a whole lot better than it ever was but only if you follow the right steps to process, heal and move forward. This is a crisis situation but Dr. Dana Fillmore, Author, TV Marriage Expert and Clinical Psychologist can walk you through the steps to understand why cheating happens and what to do about it.

Here are links to videos and articles from Dr. Dana to answer your questions about what to do next.

Surviving Affair Videos

7 Steps To Survive An Affair

If you've been impacted by an infidelity, you're marriage doesn't have to be over. Discover 7 steps to save your marriage after an affair.


How To Stop The Haunting Visions Of Your Partner With The Other Person

If your spouse has been unfaithful, you could be plagued with horrible visions. Dr. Dana explains how to move past the never ending obsession.


How To Regain Trust After It’s Been Destroyed

Is Trust the foundation of a marriage? Dr. Dana provides insight on regaining trust after it has been destroyed.


My Husband Chats Online With A Lady. How Do I Trust Him?

In today's society, online communication has become immensely common. It can be hard to trust your spouse when anyone is a few button clicks away. Find out how to move past the constant suspicion.


Afraid It’s Over? Spouse Wants Out?

Don’t do anything until you watch this marriage saving video from Dr. Dana.


FEATURED POSTS ON AFFAIRS AND INFIDELITY

Cheating Might Break Your Heart, Literally...

Cheating is a surefire way to get yourself into hot water. But could it also be a risk to your health? The American Heart Association has published a recent study about what happens to your heart when you have an affair.


Should I Tell My Spouse I Cheated?

Even if you have separated from your spouse because of an affair, there may come a time when you want to work your problems out. Dr. Dana gives advice on how to bridge the gap when you don't know where to begin.


FEATURED POSTS ON EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS

Is Your Spouse Spending Too Much Time With A Friend Of The Opposite Sex?

Suspicion rears it's ugly head when you notice your spouse spending time with a person of the opposite sex. There is a good chance that someone's emotional needs are not being met in the relationship...


FEATURED POSTS ON CHEATING WIFE

Is Your Spouse Spending Too Much Time With A Friend Of The Opposite Sex?

Suspicion rears it's ugly head when you notice your spouse spending time with a person of the opposite sex. There is a good chance that someone's emotional needs are not being met in the relationship...


What To Do When Your Wife Is Still Cheating

Sometimes the affair just won't end, and your spouse continues to cheat. How can you convince them to give the relationship another shot?


FEATURED POSTS ON CHEATING HUSBAND

Why Powerful Men Cheat And Why They Think They Can Get Away With It

David Letterman is only the latest in a long line of men in power who got caught being unfaithful. The line goes back for as long as there have been societies, What is the psychology behind these men and why does it make them think they can get away with it?


The Real Reason Why Men Cheat

There are many theories as to the reason that most men cheat. But the answer may not be what you expect...


FEATURED POSTS ON ONLINE AFFAIRS

Is Facebook Threatening Your Marriage?

In today's ever connected society, it is no wonder that many people are using social media to have affairs. It can be a nerve wracking thought that your spouse can communicate with so many people, and so discretely as well.


My Husband Chats Online With A Lady. How Do I Trust Him?

If your spouse is chatting online with someone of the opposite sex, you may be suspicious things going on behind your back. How can you trust them when you are fearful that your spouse may be seduced?


FEATURED POSTS ON SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE

How To Avoid 3 Common Relationship Mistakes

You man notice that many couples who undergo couple's therapy end up divorcing anyway. There are many reasons this happens, and Dr. Dana offers us the three biggest mistakes couples make.


What Most Couples Don't Know About Saving Their Marriage

It is common to lose intimacy in a long term marriage. After many years, you may discover that your partner has completely checked out. DIscover how to reconnect and regain the passion in your marriage.


"5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage"

Feeling stuck? Want to save your marriage but aren't sure how? Register for our FREE "5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage" Webinar and you'll discover:
  • The answer to "Can my marriage be saved?" Dr. Dana Fillmore will tell you how almost any marriage can be saved even if you’re the only one working on it
  • 4 Relationship Myths that are probably getting in your way – Believing in these myths can actually prevent you from saving your marriage
  • How to avoid common mistakes you may be making in your marriage. Did you know that most people’s attempts to save their marriage fail?
  • The most important thing you need to do to save your marriage – And you’ll be surprised it’s practical and easy to apply for almost everyone
  • Clear, straightforward steps that you can take immediately to get your marriage on track
Register Now for 5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage

Did Your Spouse Cheat Because Of A Midlife Crisis?

Sometimes midlife can bring on a reassessment of your life and can lead to marital dissatisfaction and even infidelity. Do you suspect your spouse’s cheating is related to a mid-life crisis? Here’s some help for you:

7 Steps To Survive An Affair



Take The First Step To Survive The Affair

Do you fear that you marriage may be in trouble? Are you dealing with an affair? For more information and skills necessary to safeguard your marriage from an affair, sign up for our free webinar, “5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage. Click on the button below and register for our FREE webinar. It may be just what you need to save your marriage.

Register Now for 5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage

Video Transcript - Dr. Dana's Help to Recover from an Affair

Hi, I’m Dr. Dana. Thanks for taking our survey! The results indicated that you may be dealing with a possible affair? Unfortunately, this is not surprising as 50% of marriages experience some sort of infidelity at some point in the marriage ranging from major to minor transgressions. The good news is that only 15% of marriages actually break up due to infidelity. What does this mean? Well, it means two things: One: that infidelity does not, by definition mean the end of a marriage and two: that staying married, like everything else in life, is a choice.

Marriage is an up and down journey that two people have agreed to make together. To weather the journey and the possible affair, the first thing a couple has to do is to discuss what their definitions of trust and faithfulness are within the marriage. Are they on the same page regarding the behaviors that constitute crossing the line? Often, they are not. One partner may believe that it’s perfectly acceptable to hang out with a member of the opposite sex that their spouse doesn't know while the other partner may feel that talking and flirting with someone online (as long they never meet), is totally above board. I mean who hasn't heard about Bill Clinton saying, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman?" But what exactly did that mean?

Both people in the couple need to agree on what constitutes cheating. They need to know what they each think about opposite sex friends at work, online activities, pornography, FaceBook, etc. Both members of the couple need to come to an agreement and clearly define what being faithful means to each of them.

Another thing that’s important to understand is that 95% of affairs happen because the emotional needs in the relationship are not being met. knowing this ahead of time is critical for two reasons. First, it allows you to recognize how important it is to kick up your game in the marriage to meet your partner’s needs. Secondly, and just as importantly, it is up to you to do some honest soul searching and figure out what you truly want and need from your life and marriage. Then sit down with your spouse and talk about it. At this point, what do you have to lose? Give them a shot to meet those needs before its too late.

The truth is while I believe that marriage can be fun and happy, I also know that it takes honesty and work. The fact is that the tried and true, albeit cheesy, analogy of the the garden really does apply. If you water, feed and tend to the garden your in, it will be a wonderful place of beauty and peace. If you neglect the garden, or take it for granted, it will wilt, wither and eventually die. Or more accurately for this topic, the garden next door will seem a lot more appealing.

And for the person who may be entertaining the idea of an affair, it’s vital for them to know why they are at risk for an affair. In large part it’s because they may be longing for that crazy, “in love” feeling - you know, when that wildly attractive person walks in the room and your knees go weak? Well, guess what? That feeling only lasts for about two years - no matter who you’re with. After about two years, due to familiarity, our brains produce different chemicals that make us feel warm and comfortable, no longer hot and bothered. People often misinterpret these two states as being "in love" versus not "in love." That's just not the case. The bottom line is I could marry my all time sexiest movie star today and in about two years he'd walk in the door and I'd feel warm and comfortable - not hot and bothered.

This is really important because it's often the reason people believe they may be "falling in love" with someone else. Someone new will bring back those great chemicals and give us that "in love" feeling, but it's simply because they're new. It’s critical to remember that in two years, after several arguments regarding who's paying the bills and who's picking up the socks, you will feel the same way about them that you now feel about your current spouse.

And finally, I have to cover the flip side of the possibilities and point out that if you are worried about a possible affair, it may be due to unfounded jealousy. Trust, like so many other things, is a choice. Once the boundaries in the relationship have been decided, we must choose to trust our partners. In other words, if your husband says, he got stuck in an elevator with a Victoria's Secret model for six hours and nothing happened, you might consider believing him. If you don't, you are basically telling him he is untrustworthy. What I get all the time is: "Oh, I trust him, it's her I'm worried about." But let's think about this, unless you're afraid she's going to tie him up, carry him away and ravish him, you are actually calling into question his commitment and integrity. So I challenge each of you to agree on your boundaries, meet each other’s needs and decide to trust each other.

To learn how to recover from an affair, discover the Marriage Success Skills we teach in the StrongMarriageNow System. To learn more about our System, and to handle an affair, check out our FREE video presentation by clicking on the button below... It may be just what you need to feel the love in your marriage again.

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  • Betty

    How do you go on after one year of being told by your husband that he will not give up his lover but yet does not want to leave you or the family for her? He wants you to change and says he would rather have you than her but will not risk it in case you don’t meet his expectations?

  • megan

    I just want to share my experience and testimony here.. I was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but I still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and I didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so I decided to try it reluctantly..although I didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 3days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com

  • jen

    I understand the 7 steps to survive an affair. Too bad that my partner has not completed step #1. I don’t see any hope for us if he can’t stop the affair. I only see separating has my next step.

  • Miriah

    In step 1 you talk about stopping all contact with the other person. What should we do if the person is someone he works with???