Valentine’s day has earned a pretty bad rap as a “corporate holiday,” where all the greeting card companies, florists, candy makers, and the like are just out for your hard earned money – and all pushing the idea that you should buy love with gifts and fancy dinners.

While it’s certainly nice to get your spouse a special gift or give them a token of your affection, all of this is totally secondary to the real meaning of Valentine’s Day: celebrating your love for each other.

All too often, the pursuit of that coveted restaurant reservation or purchasing an expensive piece of jewelry, fretting over the right gift or worrying if you’ll even be able to afford it, causes so much stress and anxiety that it only makes the holiday worse. The pressures of that “corporate” side of Valentine’s Day can actually serve to pull lovers away from one another through stress, financial worry, self-created pressure to spend your way to a good Valentine’s Day, or worse, envy over the way another couple is spending their Valentine’s.

All of that pressure related to expenses and gifts is detracting from what your marriage is really about – the love and connection you share with each other. And so, the best way to spend your Valentine’s Day is to simplify. Make it about love and showing your spouse how much you truly care about them.

Using the following steps to create a “love letter” for your husband or wife, and really pour your heart into it. An honest, loving message will do more for your marriage than chocolates ever will.

Start here:

Step 1 – List the top five things about your life together that you’re thankful for:

1. ____________________________________
2. ____________________________________
3. ____________________________________
4. ____________________________________
5. ____________________________________

Step 2 – List your spouse’s five best qualities:

1. ____________________________________
2. ____________________________________
3. ____________________________________
4. ____________________________________
5. ____________________________________
Step 3 – Write your spouse a love letter in this form:

Dear _______,

This Valentine’s Day, I wanted to tell you how thankful I am for our life together, and let you know the things I love about you!

I am thankful for _______________, _______________, _______________, _______________, and _______________.

I love you because you are _______________, _______________, _______________, _______________, and _______________.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I love you,

{Signature}

Even if you decide to exchange gifts or go on an extravagant date, make sure your Valentine’s Day starts and ends with your love for one another, and remember that staying connected and in love is far more important than any date or gift. You can keep this sentiment alive each and every day – it doesn’t require a holiday to show how much you care!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out our How Strong Is Your Marriage Quiz today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com