Is Your Spouse Spending Too Much Time with a Friend of the Opposite Sex?

Mistrust

Worried that your spouse is spending too much time in inappropriate friendship?  

For example…

Your wife is really close to the neighbor guy but says they’re ‘just friends’

Your husband is really close to a co-worker, but he’s says there’s ‘nothing going on’?

If a spouse is getting closer and closer to a friend and drifting farther and farther away emotionally,  you’d be right to be worried.

What starts as a friendship can easily morph into an “emotional affair”.

The missing spouse will get more and more invested and involved in the outside relationship even without physical intimacy.

Emotional needs not being met is the cause for 95% of affairs.
(even for men!)

When a spouse gets a significant portion of their emotional needs outside of the relationship, it can put the marriage in extreme jeopardy.   

Bottom Line:

A married person should not be close friends with someone of the opposite sex if that person is not equally as close a friend to their spouse

If you find you’re in this situation, and you’re not comfortable talking about the issue directly, here’s another approach that can help.

To the best of your ability, involve yourself in as many portions of your spouse’s life as you can and really get to know your spouse’s friends.  

  1. Have a barbeque for their co-workers and get to know them.  
  2. Prioritize your work schedule so that you can attend functions at your kid’s school and meet your spouse’s friends.
  3. Even if you have no interest in joining their activities, become involved by cheering them on.
  4. And last but not least, simply talk to each other. “How was your day?”  “How’s that project going at work?”  “Who won the soccer game?”

As a spouse, you should be involved in the major parts of your partner’s life. It will improve your relationship and decrease the chances of someone else winning their attention.

Spouses Should Be Involved In Each Other’s Lives, That Is How You Stay Connected

That doe not mean constantly hovering over one another.  It simply meana for the two of you to happily become involved in each other’s’ lives.

Was this helpful? Still worried about your spouse? Feel free to comment below.

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To make sure you’re meeting each other’s needs and protecting your marriage from inappropriate friendships, invest in your marriage and learn the skills Dr. Dana teaches in the StrongMarriageNow System.

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54 comments

Jim 12 years ago

That's what happened in marriage. My wife developed an emotional relationship with a 'gay' male friend. While I was not comfortable with it, I did not know how to react. Turns out he's not gay after all, only thought HR ear. So now she had decided she wants to leave me with our 3 teenagers so she can move out oblong her own and have the independence she thinks she missed out on since marrying me at 24 nearly 20 yrs ago. I've been working in improving me and who I want to be as a man, husband, father etc. I've been trying to show my love for her even though it seems to be pushing her further away.

Lil 12 years ago

My situation is that I've been married for 9 years and my husband never introduced me to his female friends. He keeps in touch with them by email. I confronted him once and he confessed that he only went on a date with a woman he met. I told him that I wanted him to be happy and that he didnt have to stay with me. He decided to stay and some how he have shown me that he cares, but I know he hasnt stopped emailing his friends behind my back. I want to trust him, but I am afraid that a cyber relationship can turn in to another affair. I am confused, hurt, in denial, resentfull...

amybarnhartsd 12 years ago

Hello, I'm so sorry to hear about the painful issue in your marriage. You are right to be concerned about the cyber relationships. They can be very destructive. Here's an article that may be helpful to you in dealing with infidelity. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/blog/my-spouse-cheated-is-my-marriage-over-dr-fillmore-answers/. We also offer a product called Affair-Proof Your Marriage that may be helpful to you... My heart goes out to you.

Shane 10 years ago

My wife of 27 years just recently started a cyber relationship with her x lover/fiance. He is out of state and they meet every night by (skype). I don't even want to make things work for us because she refuses to give him up. I will not share my wife with the other guy! I'd rather get a divorce and start over. She says I'm wrong in disapproving of their friendship. I'm so mad I can't see straight!

Jeremy Mount 10 years ago

This is a common situation that the man tries to win back the female and she tries to resist. I have learned that trying to change my ex's mind only makes her think that I am trying to force her to think like me. The only real way to combat the problem is to say "you are right, you should be able to choose" give up the power to control what she is doing and free her to make her own decision. Now that she feels you are not trying to make her "think" you must convince her to stay by offering her ideas. But never tell her, just leave the offer on the table like you would leave a scrap of meat for a worthless stray dog. That's what she is.

Jeremy Mount 10 years ago

Shane. Look man, I totally understand where you are coming from but listen dude, you said "I Do" and you ment it. There is a trust breach here no doubt about it, but starting over? Common. You said "I Do" because you ment it right? I mean even if any thing like that DID happen is that really enough to destroy all that commitment and trash all those years over? NO. Any one can work through this kind of thing. It's ridiculous to think you would die for her but you can't stay together through an infidelity? She's not betraying you, she just misses something and you need to get back to that.

Sad Wife 10 years ago

My husband had an emotional affair (still not sure it was not physical) with my best friend. I was right there and didn't see what was going on. Of course they went to great lengths to hide their affair. I agree with being involved with your spouses activities and their friends but remember to keep your eyes open to what is happening. I was involved and it still happened. Thankfully he woke up and realized all he was getting from her was a bunch of lies about what a great person he was...lies I wasn't willing to tell him. He has dropped her like the piece of trash she is...made changes to the person he is (I have made changes too) and we continue to work on our marriage. Emotional affairs hurt just as much as physical affairs! One thing I learned...don't trust too much!

Susan 10 years ago

Hi Dana and Amy Re: Is your Spouce Spending too much time with a friend of the opposye sex. When people send in a concern. Is the reply supposed to be from you ( Dana or Amy)? I note that on April 3, 2011, 12.43 a man called Jim sent in a resonse. It was replied to a year and a half later by Jeremy Morton on 23 December, 2012 at 11.15pm. I found the reply quite offensive. It indicated that he had no success getting his " ex " to stay. He says " I have learned that trying to change my ex's mind" He ends his reply with " just leave the offer on the table like you would leave a scrap of meat for a worthless stray dog. That is what she is" This to me sounds like Jeremy is very bitter about the demise of his own marriage. Should he therefore be writing a reply to others? Is Jeremy part of your team? I googled and note that Jeremy Morton is a pastor. I am not sure if it is the same man who wrote the reply. Anyway. I did not find the reply appropriate and felt it lowered the tone of your wonderful site.

Antonio 10 years ago

yes. sure there was the comments as to why i was dntaig a freshman but i didnt care. he was everything i wanted.we were going out for about three weeks when things started to get screwed up. one of my guy friends professed his love for me and was trying to move in, but i still liked my boyfriend and was confused cuz i sorta liked my friend too. Then there was a rumor going around that my boyfriend kissed another girl. a friend of ours that was dntaig someone else who shes in love with and wont leave.idk what the real story was whether it was an accident, she kissed him he kissed her i dont care.i found out and was devastated. so two days later my friend came over and he kissed me.but even though everyone was convinced i was better off i still knew i had feelings for chris(my boyfriend) so i really didnt know what to do. but apparently we werent officially broken up. so when i told him that i wanted to be with nobody but him and that i didnt care who kissed who. and i also told him that my friend had kissed me no lies there, i thought we were going to be fine. so the next day when he came over and broke up with me i literally felt my heart shatter on the spot.his reason? he didnt want to hurt me, and wanted to be stupid reckless and get into fights without worrying about me worrying about him . where the hell did all this come from?!k maybe he's just a 15 yr old that wants to be free, but in all honesty i knew he cared about me, he told me he wanted to be mine forever and didnt want us to break up.so when this came at me i was naturally confused, and tried to tell him this. but he insists that i dont know what i want and that thinking about it will help me out.i did that, so much it hurt actually.idk what to do, hell i even looked up a get your ex back website, but it said not to make him feel guilty, and not contact him for awhile . so im worried i already screwed it up because ive talked to him a lot and we still are friends. he told me right after dumping me that we are still friends and that i can call him if needed.he hasnt actually seen me cry, well maybe once, but i do put my thoughts towards him as to questioning why we broke up. ive told him i care more about him than anyone in my life.and i know that im in love with him completely.i want to know what i can do to get him back, and to realize i wouldnt care if he was frankenstein, i love everything about him and how he makes me able to have fun and not be the excessive over responsible worry-er that i am. when im around him im happy and fun.i want that back, i want to be able to sleep at night without having to dry my pillow of tears first.any advice on what to do would help me beyond belief plz?oh and i also wrote him a note telling my exact feelings and a pros and cons list because he wanted me to really compare both sides of why i want him back. should i give it to him?

Kathy 10 years ago

we'd never get back together now and then she said she likes soomebdy else. And she had a go at me for going out loads but we're not together soo why is she bothered and she goes out patrying more than me anyway. I want her back badly what do I do to get her back.We broke up about 7 weeks ago because I got drunk at her prom and embrassed her in front of her family and friends. We've broken up before and she said if we ever broke up again we would never get back together. But when I tried to get her back via calling her, txting her and emailing her she said no but she also said if you stop beig stupid we could get back together and if we stay friends maybe we'll get back together. And we went shopping the other week and it was fun talkng about the old days and we arranged to go out more often to the cinema but ever since then she has said she's too busy and we're not meant to be. What should I do to get her back please any advice I'm trying to get the courage to ring her and talk to her thanks. And is 7 weeks too late (but I've seen her 3 times during those three weeks, she saw me at a party and got reaaly angry with me and I went round to her house to plead with her to get back with me lol and she asked me to go shopping with her). We were together for ages is she really over me or just saying it because I ruined her prom. Because we were going out for a year and a half I spent alot of my free time with her and we both got really attatched. I sent her a txt today saying if she still has any feelings meet me at 3 and she sent a txt bk saying she dosent have any feelings for me and I should leave her alone' but we were together for ages and really close how could her feelings change soo quickly. We went shopping the other day and we arranged to do more things and she sent me a txt saying we should dod that more often. But a few weeks later she's like you're being really sweet but I can't forget what happened and today she's like she dosen't have any feelings for me though.

marie 10 years ago

This advice sadly did not help me as I did totally involve my self in my husbands friendship. I was actually very close friends with her and my husband with her husband. We moved in next door to them. After a few years her true colors showed and she started getting close to my husband and trying to alienate me. She ended up divorcing her husband, ending the males friendship and has had an ongoing emotional affair with my husband for the last several years. they both continue to say it is not sexual but they have been intimate when drunk repeatedly with kissing and god knows what else. after repeatedly ending the "friendship" and her continually stalking him, he is now out of our home, back as her nieghbor and she is openly telling everyone she can, they will be together once he commits to a divorce. (in the meantime, he and I are not divorcing, very close and trying to work it out). I was a huge part of his life until he started to drink alot and I just couldnt be apart of it anymore as he was not a partyman, but a problem drinker and it was not pretty. on that note.....when you are dealing with inappropriate friends, be sure they are more. Don't wonder. Your marriage will be over for sure. There is no such thing as an appropriate friend of the opposite sex if they hide texts, drink with this person and accuse you (when you know you are not doing the shame. I do love my husband, I turned it over to God, I am not going to initiate a divorce......will this sick friendship really end and will I ever trust him again? He has had 6 months to be with her and isn't, said he doesn't want to be more that friends now. Yeah right?

Carina 10 years ago

Looks like simply trying to control your spouse...be with them every moment... so they don't have a chance to act on anything. If you have to be with your spouse 24/7 to monitor their activities, then there are bigger issues at hand. Want to piss me off? Attach yourself to my side so that you can try to control everything I do and with whom I interact. What bullshit.

SHERRY 10 years ago

I've been married 40 years and my husband has had two affairs. Now, it hurts horribly whenever I see him looking at a beautiful girl; I have caught him STARING at women. Whenever I tell him I'am leaving, he threatens to kill himself. I have kept him from doing it too many countless times. I only stay because I don't want him dead. What can I do; in every other way, he is a saint of a husband

DadVanHorn 10 years ago

"when you are married you should never be close friends with someone of the opposite sex who is not just as close to your spouse" This quote from this article is sure strong, and seems overly harsh and dramatic. However, in my opinion as a husband, father, grandfather--and as a divorce attorney--Dr. Dana's strong position on this is absolutely true. I have watched way too may people goof up their marriages by thinking that they could play around with this dynamite and not blow up their marriage over it. My wife and I have wonderful and close relationships with other couples. But if there are blunt words that need to be said to a husband (such as--knock off your stupid emotional affair, even though you don't think it's any big deal), I will tell the guy. And it is my wife would should be speaking bluntly with a woman--not me. Please don't throw away your marriage marriage by getting into an emotional affair.

frustrated 9 years ago

we been married 30 yrs ,im in this state of mind now 5 wks since she left, i feel having a male friend isn't right they been texting for some time ,meeting for coffie and i can only imagine. I have always been true to her. taken her for granted maybe way to much, sex was great 2 times a week, im 62 ,she 52 really do love her,just want her back

Lisa 9 years ago

Yes emotional affairs hurt just as much as physical affairs. I've been on your end of it and the other end. Be careful assuming your husband "dropped" her. He may have been the one emotionally involved and the woman wasn't. When this happens the man will lie and manipulate to make it seem like the other woman tricked him. Oh poor thing! Yeah right. That was a situation in my life. Just trying to be a friend and he became emotionally involved with me. Lied about me, lied to me, then still called me, stopped by my house, ridiculous. I had to be rude to make him stop permanently. I'm sure he lied some more after I did that to heal his ego. It was a splendid situation. I lost friendships because of it. His friendship was clearly crap but his wife's friendship being lost hurt. Be careful you don't believe too many of his lies. Good Luck! Lisa

Lonely 9 years ago

My husband has been emotionally invested with a female co-worker for almost 2 years, but denies it. He tells he that they aren't having an emotional affair...I'm not stupid. When you text, e-mail, talk on the phone & face to face with another woman more than you do your wife, there's a problem. We continue to fight about this & he doesn't understand why it bothers me. Really. She has been told several times to leave my husband alone & she didn't. I've told him to leave her alone, she's also married, & he didn't. I think things have finally calmed down between them after I came home early on Memorial Day & found him e-mailing her. He had to justify why he went off with this family over the weekend. I called & left her a message telling her that maybe it was time for me to call her husband & find out what he thinks. I do have phone records. I have tried to save my marriage, but get nothing from him...no touching, kissing, talking, spending time alone or sex.

Stuart 8 years ago

My wife of 23 yrs started having an emotional affair/friendship with co-worker 14 yrs ago right after me and her had just reconciled after an affair I had .I had no idea that it was going on. After the birth of our second child she said things cooled off but about 3 yrs ago they picked back up and escalated into a physical relationship . I know that I was partly to blame because I was not there 4 her emotionally . I'm not trying to take the blame for her having the affair but the lack pf comunication on both pf our parts was a great cause of our impending divorce . I have forgiven her completely but she still wants to sepperate n divorce so she can have a chance to make a life with him. I know that I have taken her love for granted 4 so long n been blind to her needs n wants that I don't think that I can ever overcome her love and feeling 4 him .i am truly lost,scared,hurt,lonely,and mad. So yes you do have to be aware of your spouses opposet sex friends!

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Stuart - I'm sorry to hear things are still not going well for you. Have you asked her about trying our system, or to try counseling with you?

Stuart 8 years ago

Yes mike I have and she seems so addiment about not wanting to . I am still at home 4 now but she wants me out . I keep messing up by not being strong n letting my emotions get the best of me . Got home this morning from a long haul trip and out of habit came in and crawled into our bed with her and cuddled up close it felt so good but I know it was wrong thing to do I know I need to give space but with her wanting to make a relationship with him I don't think I can save our marriage. No matter what I do

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Then you need to start with yourself. Find someone to take to in order to get you on the right track. You can't fix your marriage while you're broken.

Stuart 8 years ago

I know that I have to get me right and feeling better about myself but I don't want to do that with someone else

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

It will be much more effective than on your own, and it sounds like you think your marriage is worth it.

Stuart 8 years ago

You are right mike my marriage is worth it . And I truely am trying to save it no matter what I have to do even if it means letting her be with him in there affair in know that Im still pushing to hard and that's detrimental to my cause but I don't know what else to do right now. I do from the all of my heart thank you for your thoughts n comments!:)

Stuart 8 years ago

And yes I am doing the Ann program on my own and I do have a great support group and I'm tryi to b patient .

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

You're welcome, Stuart! We do what we can to help marriages succeed, that is our first priority. Just direct your feelings at yourself instead of her, to make sure you are the best spouse you can be. Build your confidence, feel better about yourself as a man and husband. Hopefully she will return, but then if she doesn't, you are on a solid foundation to start again.

Stuart 8 years ago

I Have come to the Conclusion that it is truly over between me and penny and I am going to move forward with my life we sat down together to night and had a long heart felt talk and I know now that even though this marriage is over there's still a chance at a new one somewhere in the future. I know that i am to blame for the most part of my marriage failure because of my blindness of her feelings and my disregard of her love thinking that I would always have it unconditionaly. I'm still heartbroken and. Can see that she is as well,but I m moving forward to make it better,after tonight I still have hope in my heart that I can be the friend that she has needed me to be for so long and that by doing so mayby we can make a fresh start in the future. Thanks again mike for for your thoughts and to Dana n Amy for being so compationet about every marriage can be saved your demeanor and tone of voice really do show how much you do care once again thanks from all of my heart:) .

Stuart 8 years ago

And to every body out there going through a rough patch in your relationship step back take a breath and work on making yourself better so you can make your relationship what it should be for you and your spouse. Put a smile on your face and love in your heart and everything will workout for the best! Best wishes to all. Stuart

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Stuart - We're all sorry to hear this, but I think you are looking at it the best way by taking this as an opportunity to start fresh yourself. Best wishes to you both.

Rick 8 years ago

it would be helpful if I still had or WANTED a relationship with my 12 year old spouse( EMOTIONALLY) of course.I sometimes feel I should take your course just in case I ever have a relationship with another woman. Or it might even help me to help others like say my kids. I know this was going on with both of us. The fact is when it was I just did not care anymore. I used to PREY she'd fall in love with someone else and LEAVE. Unfortunately for her, even tho she was the initiator of this kind of behavior, ended up the scorned one and still refuses to be civil to this day. I wish we could be at least friends. I had a lot invested in that relationship, and I feel cheated that she does not give me as much consideration as she did with the ex before me because she feels I did her so wrong and hurt her so bad. Maybe I was wrong to passively let her hang with him and other men???

Rick 8 years ago

I would LEAVE if I were you.

Rick 8 years ago

HECK all I want now is EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS.They seem to be easier to END when I don't want to play anymore.Trust me from a lot of first hand KNOWLEDGE,you do not want a scorned woman who has the power to mess your world UP on your hands. I have gone thru everything from suicide attempts to false domestic violence allegations.It is best just not to touch that dog.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Rick - she probably knows how you felt, and it's hard to be friends with someone who didn't care. Taking the SMN system is great for future relationships too. We can help get things off on the right foot. I'm sorry about your divorce, and with you better luck in the future.

Rick 8 years ago

She better well have known. I spent the last 2 12 years telling her I did not want to be with her anymore.Told her for 6 years we needed to go to marige counseling if we did not want to end up hating each other. she would go to counseling sometimes herself because I would throw a fit stomp my feet and freak on her for her drug abuse and inability to contribute ANYTHING FINACIALY but would always tell me they don't have marrige counseling there. I went by there one day after she had been gone for 4 months or so because I had stopped by where she was living to disscus the divorce and she had bruises up and down her arms where apparently a guy living in the house had put on her. When I asked them about Marriage counseling they could not get me in fast enough. They called her because they had already been workin with her,and she does not work, Asked her when she could come in and ZIPPO. Nope not the guilty one here bud. She did not want to get in front of a marriage counselor because she knew when I told them my prob. was her getting up in the morning and start smoking pot, take way more Oxycodone that she was being prescribed that they were goin to turn their attention on her drug use.And then ARGUE with me because I would tell her THAT is WHY you can't get any money.My advice to anyone who has a mate that using drugs or alcohol to the point that they are not capable of contributing any thing to the household or anything else is GET AWAY any way you can. Unfortunately and this is sad MANY of us who have to face this REALITY end up loosing what they not their mate worked hard for to have.So the sooner you end it the BETTER.Can't argue with a mentally impair person,especially when it self inflicted!

Rick 8 years ago

I can never get a straight answer on how much the set of CD's is. Can a public Library purchase them? Let me know a PRICE and I will consider it.Who knows maybe I can find a way to help her come to terms with the fact that our relationship is over and it would be better to be friends then goin around with a chip on her shoulder. I could go into more detail on here but for what cause? She was devastated after she finally realized it was OVER!

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Rick - The Strong Marriage Now system is either online, or online with CDs. At the bottom of this page is the price options - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/coursedetails/strongmarriagenowsystem/

Gary Backstrom 8 years ago

I'm worried because I found out my wife is constantly texting some one I've confronted her but I'm afraid she won't stop

Gary Backstrom 8 years ago

I'm worried because I found out my wife is constantly texting some one I've confronted her but I'm afraid she won't stop

Lilly 8 years ago

When your partner is having two hour long telephone conversations with an ex girlfriend supposedly to get advice on our relationship and help with her problems. Then texting and chatting with another ex because he needed to help her buy her first home while camoflauging her name in his phone. And he felt there was nothing wrong with either. Needless to say, he is history.

Lilly 8 years ago

When your partner is having two hour long telephone conversations with an ex girlfriend supposedly to get advice on our relationship and help with her problems. Then texting and chatting with another ex because he needed to help her buy her first home while camoflauging her name in his phone. And he felt there was nothing wrong with either. Needless to say, he is history.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Gary, is she texting someone else because she feels like she is missing something? Perhaps the two of you can reconnect and the other person won't be an issue. Remember to talk to her when tempers are not running high. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/is-your-spouse-spending-too-much-time-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Gary, is she texting someone else because she feels like she is missing something? Perhaps the two of you can reconnect and the other person won't be an issue. Remember to talk to her when tempers are not running high. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/is-your-spouse-spending-too-much-time-with-a-friend-of-the-opposite-sex/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Lilly, trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if it wasn't built on that, I'm happy you realized beforehand. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/real-reason-men-cheat/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Lilly, trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if it wasn't built on that, I'm happy you realized beforehand. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/real-reason-men-cheat/

Ron 7 years ago

My issue with this is my wife didn't think she was doing anything wrong, even after I have told her that I am not okay with it Although she stoppedal she felt that she did nothing wrong Now she is upset because I took away a freind

Ron 7 years ago

My issue with this is my wife didn't think she was doing anything wrong, even after I have told her that I am not okay with it Although she stoppedal she felt that she did nothing wrong Now she is upset because I took away a freind

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Ron, it sounds like you both may need to talk to someone. There is a possibility you are seeing this that are not there, as well as her not seeing how much her behavior can hurt you. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/communication-in-marriage/improve-communication-in-relationship/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Ron, it sounds like you both may need to talk to someone. There is a possibility you are seeing this that are not there, as well as her not seeing how much her behavior can hurt you. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/communication-in-marriage/improve-communication-in-relationship/

Rochelle Means 7 years ago

My husband has a "friend" who he knew before we started dating. He only has conversations with her when I'm not around (while he is working) and they have met during his work hours. Based on comments she made on his FB page, I asked him to remove her and cease any contact with her. He removed her from FB but continued seeing her (I wasn't aware) . I later found out that he shared very intimate and personal information about us, our marriage, kids and me to this women, so much so she started sending me threatening message and prank calls, even said they were intimate. He claimed she was lying but based on things she knew (that only he could have told her), I wasnt sure what to believe. Now 6 months later I find he never stopped talking to her and made great effort to stay connected with her. He actually was dealing with her while we dated, engaged and married, only i didnt know about her. I even found a sexual picture (image) saved as her contact. He swears it's only friendship but athe this point the trust is broken, he has told uncountable lies to me about her, who she is and their now and back then relationship. I know nothing of her (other than what I found out on my own) and she knows everything about me which makes me highly uncomfortable. It seems he keep choosing her and vacating our marriage to keep a "relationship"with her. I've tried talking about it with him, counseling, setting boundaries etc and nothing has worked. My security in my marriage is gone, the trust is broken and I feel I'm competing against some thing I have absolutely no control or impact to. Feeling discouraged and ready to give up.

Rochelle Means 7 years ago

My husband has a "friend" who he knew before we started dating. He only has conversations with her when I'm not around (while he is working) and they have met during his work hours. Based on comments she made on his FB page, I asked him to remove her and cease any contact with her. He removed her from FB but continued seeing her (I wasn't aware) . I later found out that he shared very intimate and personal information about us, our marriage, kids and me to this women, so much so she started sending me threatening message and prank calls, even said they were intimate. He claimed she was lying but based on things she knew (that only he could have told her), I wasnt sure what to believe. Now 6 months later I find he never stopped talking to her and made great effort to stay connected with her. He actually was dealing with her while we dated, engaged and married, only i didnt know about her. I even found a sexual picture (image) saved as her contact. He swears it's only friendship but athe this point the trust is broken, he has told uncountable lies to me about her, who she is and their now and back then relationship. I know nothing of her (other than what I found out on my own) and she knows everything about me which makes me highly uncomfortable. It seems he keep choosing her and vacating our marriage to keep a "relationship"with her. I've tried talking about it with him, counseling, setting boundaries etc and nothing has worked. My security in my marriage is gone, the trust is broken and I feel I'm competing against some thing I have absolutely no control or impact to. Feeling discouraged and ready to give up.

alex 7 years ago

my wife has moved out and move with our children back home. One of our children dad whom was her grade school love and they end up getting married and she had been thru a abusive relationship with him before he end up in prison where she finally divorce him. Well he is back in the picture spending time with his biological daughter (which i consider mine as well.) When I brought it up about him she told me, that she still has some feelings for him because that was her first and true love. She also told me that he has been respectable while they are each other present. But I feel that something is going on because several years before we had gotten married, she had slept with him to see if the spark is still there and she told me that it was not. Since we have been separated, I have been trying to fix myself from being mean to my family and seek God in life as she wants to find herself and be happy once again. On Valentine Day I text her and told Happy Valentine Day! as well as I love you. Her response , was Happy Valentine Day and I luv u 2. Then when our youngest daughter called me to tell Happy Valentine Day, she told me that he was over at the house visiting downstairs while the kids were upstairs in their rooms. Do I confront her about it or trust her that nothing is going on?

alex 7 years ago

my wife has moved out and move with our children back home. One of our children dad whom was her grade school love and they end up getting married and she had been thru a abusive relationship with him before he end up in prison where she finally divorce him. Well he is back in the picture spending time with his biological daughter (which i consider mine as well.) When I brought it up about him she told me, that she still has some feelings for him because that was her first and true love. She also told me that he has been respectable while they are each other present. But I feel that something is going on because several years before we had gotten married, she had slept with him to see if the spark is still there and she told me that it was not. Since we have been separated, I have been trying to fix myself from being mean to my family and seek God in life as she wants to find herself and be happy once again. On Valentine Day I text her and told Happy Valentine Day! as well as I love you. Her response , was Happy Valentine Day and I luv u 2. Then when our youngest daughter called me to tell Happy Valentine Day, she told me that he was over at the house visiting downstairs while the kids were upstairs in their rooms. Do I confront her about it or trust her that nothing is going on?

Zimmy 2 years ago

Hello. I and my Wife been Married almost 7years now and we have a 4year old Boy. I am really mad and sometimes cant even sleep cause she is spending more time with her Friends than me and her Son we sit down shenis always on the Phone she has a Guy Friend she knows from long time ago and they work at thw Same Company tey write to eqch other they see each other and when i ask whats all this she tells me its my Friend you cant keep me from seeing him or talk to him. So please where is this really taking me your Opinion. I live in Switzerland 35years of Age. Best Regards Zimmy

Jordan 1 year ago

My wife has a single guy friend that we can do anything as a family with out him. That means dinners (even going out to eat), even on one of our date nights she had asked him to come over. At the fair I felt like I was a baby sitter while they went and rode rides. I’m frustrated and confused, I have confronted her on many occasions about me being uncomfortable about what’s happening but it always back fires on me. I’m doing everything in my power to be a good husband and it feels like my feelings aren’t valid.