Affairs hurt – there’s no denying that. When we feel emotional pain, we want others (especially the person that hurt us) to know how we feel. Unfortunately, people often try to achieve this by hurting the other person!
They might not mean to, but because of anger and pain, they lash out, insult, or even have affairs of their own to “show their spouse” how injured they feel… But this doesn’t help anyone! It doesn’t help you heal, doesn’t repair the marriage, and only serves to make things worse for both of you.
So… What can you do?
How can you make your spouse understand how they made you feel without doing more damage?
Like so many other issues, the key is in communication – more importantly, letting the hurt person get their feelings out. If you’ve been cheated on, this means talking about your feelings directly and seriously, without blame, finger pointing, or letting your anger get the best of you. If you had an affair, it means listening and absorbing with respect without defending yourself, arguing, or interrupting. You won’t be able to get past the infidelity if you can’t sit down and talk about what happened, how it made both of you feel, how things got to this point, and what factors led to the climate that made an affair possible.
In the video below, see how Dr. Dana discusses this approach to communication with a real couple struggling to rebuild their marriage. Use this lesson to see the importance of mindful communication for understanding each other, getting to the root of your feelings and hurt, and rebuilding your marriage for a stronger, happier future.