Save a Marriage: The Common Relationship Myth That May Be Getting In Your Way - “Both people have to work on the marriage in order for positive changes to happen.”

Everybody has heard the saying, “It takes two to tango, right?”  They take that to mean that both people have to take dance lessons to do it right.  Well, we’re using it in a slightly different way here – In reality, if just one person learns some new steps, some “new moves” if you will, and does something differently, the whole dance can, and will, change.

Let me tell you of a real-life example.  We heard from one of our email list members, Charlie.  He’d read a few of our articles, watched a few of our videos and was seriously considering buying the System. He was considering it because he and his wife, Cindy, had been fighting over having a messy house for over 20 years.  He’s an admitted neat freak and she apparently is, (according to Charlie), well, a bit of a slob.  His way of dealing with this was to go to work all day, come home and then bitterly complain about the house, pretty much making her feel lousy about herself until they went to bed.  So he decided that the System might help them. There was a serious glitch in Charlie’s plan, though.  Charlie told us that Cindy, who worked all day taking care of their four kids, claimed she had no interest in putting one more thing on her plate.  In other words, she wasn’t willing at that time to try out the StrongMarriageNow System.  We assured him that just one person applying the lessons could nevertheless make a big difference.

He went ahead and bought the System and later contacted us.  He told us that after watching the sections on Understanding Each Other and Resolving Conflict, he had decided to change his approach.  He stopped complaining and blaming and took the time to find out what was happening in Cindy’s life, what was really going on with his wife.  As you can imagine, she was more than happy to tell him!  Turns out that Cindy had all kinds of reasons for not cleaning the house - some from her childhood, some based on unresolved issues between her and Charlie, and some based on sheer exhaustion.  Once Charlie figured this out, once he began to truly listen and try to work things out with Cindy, two things happened: he stepped up and started helping Cindy a lot more, but just as importantly, Cindy stepped up once she felt like Charlie really made the effort to understand her.  Not surprisingly, (to us anyway!), Charlie reports that the house is clean today.  On a side note, when Charlie made his initial efforts to change his behavior, Cindy noticed! That’s when she finally agreed to check out and then start using the System herself.

So what’s the moral of the story? One person, learning a new skill and changing their behavior, “changing their steps” if you will, can dramatically change the entire dance.

To learn more about Relationship Myths using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.

Have you recognized any other Relationship Myths holding you back?  How can we help save a marriage?  Please comment below.

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Work On Your Marriage Problems. Visit https://www.strongmarriagenow.com

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2 comments

Choperiasanblas 9 years ago

he just needed time and space, but about a week and a half later he was aldraey talking and soon dating another girl. Last week he started calling me again and telling me he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. We have talked on and off since then. But on Sunday he called and we talked some more and everything was ok, but i told him that I couldn't do this anymore, and that he needed to make a decision and if he really liked me as much as he was saying he did then he needed to break up with his girlfriend before I could hang out or talk to him anymore. Or I told him that if he wanted to be with her then he needed to leave me alone, because i can't be just friends with him and him talking to me and acting like everything was ok was hurting me to bad. So i told him not to call or text me until he has made a decision. So I didn't hear from him all day monday and then monday night he called. I was so excited but still didn't want to get my hopes up, but he told me that he broke up with her and wanted to know if i would come out so we could talk. I was just so excited and happy that of course I went out there. Everything was fine at first and we talked and he told me he missed me and stuff, then we had sex. I know it was stupid but, I honestly thought everything was going to be ok. So afterwards we talked a little bit, but then he started acting weird and told me that he just felt weird and it didn't feel right. I didn't know if it was b/c we havn't seen each other in so long or if he still had feeling for the other girl or what. But I left and we talked later, he told me that he was so sorry and didn't plan on that to happen, he didn't want me to feel like he used me, even tho it seemed like he did, but he said he did miss me and wanted to try and get back together, but he felt like i was only a friend, he didn't know if it would change someday or what, but he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore and he was so sorry. Now I'm even more upset then before, I know that I should't have went out there so soon and did that, but now i do feel like i have been rejected and used and I just want to be back with him so bad and now he wont even talk to me. I don't know what to do. I know that I want to the no contact rule and stick with the plan, but did i ruin my chance with getting him back or is there still hope. Please help me!Kay

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