Question: “My wife and I have been fighting a lot lately because she keeps telling me that I take her for granted. While it is true that I am not as romantic as when we were first together, we have been married for 15 years now and I thought we were very comfortable with each other. What should I do?”
– Joe, Saint Paul, Minnesota
Answer: Dear Joe, I cannot tell from your letter whether you are taking your spouse for granted or not. However, I can tell you, if you are taking your spouse for granted because you believe that your partner will always be there for you, you are making a huge mistake.
In every marriage it is critical that both spouses take the time and make the effort to be kind, thoughtful, appreciative, respectful, supportive, and affirming towards their spouse.
So it might be more helpful for me to tell you what it means to not take your spouse for granted. Not taking your spouse for granted means going beyond remembering your anniversary and your spouse’s birthday. Not taking your spouse for granted means being tuned in to how your spouse feels and what your spouse thinks. Not taking your spouse for granted means you listen, you don’t interrupt, and you show and tell your spouse of your love on a regular basis. This is one of the many ways to fall back in love.
So now, based on that description, I’ll ask you to consider – are you taking your spouse for granted?
For more tips on improving your marriage, connecting with your partner, and more, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Are you taking your spouse for granted? Is it the other way around? Please comment below.
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
I love the part about being in tune
Over the years, I found out the more I gave me husband (…and this applies to any & every area of our lives), the MORE he wanted. When I don’t have the ability to give it, when and how he wants it, he throws a fit. The stress of these events had begun to impact me physically. After a big blow-up between us (8 months ago), I concluded that he had been taking me for granted, and for too long. From that point on, I give him only enough to cause him to appreciate the dedicated helpmate he has by his side. Now he tends to be more grateful for the fewer things I am doing – go figure.
I'm feeling taken for granted. She comes up with issue after issue and I do the best I can to address the latest issue, but none of it seems to satisfy her. She is nice about 20% of the time and cold as ice 80% of the time. It wears me down. I'm an easy guy to get along with and I've never had to deal with someone so...unhappy.