Have you ever wondered why so many people’s attempts to save their marriages fail? Why do so many people divorce? Why so many who go to counseling still separate? Are you worried that might happen to you too?
First and foremost, many couples simply start too late and give up too soon. What I mean is this: they let the problems in their marriage go on for so long (often for years!) that they become increasingly difficult to fix. (Not impossible, just increasingly difficult). Then when they do finally decide to fix them, there’s so much hurt and resentment built up that they give up too soon. Couples frequently come to me for counseling and initially say, “We don’t know if it’s going to work out.” I look around and always ask them, “What is it?” I point out that they are speaking about their marriage as if it is something outside of themselves that they can’t control, like the weather. I remind them, “it” is actually the “two of you.” I tell them what I will now tell you – If you want your marriage to work out, work it out. It’s up to the two of you to work on it, to put in the time and effort required to learn marriage success skills like those taught in our StrongMarriageNow System.
Wherever you go, there you are
Secondly, running to a new relationship, doesn’t solve 50% of the problems that ended your last relationship because you bring yourself, (50% of the partnership), with you into the new situation. Staying and working on yourself and through the issues with your partner allows you to learn and, therefore, to grow into a better person and a better partner.
The grass isn’t always greener…
Finally, when things get difficult and painful, if often appears as if it’s all too easy to walk away from the person you’re having problems with – as if there’s always somebody out there to take their place. I’m amazed at how many people think that if they find someone new, all their “problems” will be gone. The bottom line, as mentioned above, is wherever you go, there you are. Whatever issues you had in your previous relationship, you are likely to have in your next one. Plus, once you start dating, remarrying and blending families, you bring a whole new host of issues to your life. Yes, a new person can bring about those exciting, passionate feelings again – for awhile – but is that really worth a lifetime of complications?
To learn more about avoiding Common Relationship Mistakes using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
Have you noted any other Relationship Mistakes you might be making? How can we help avoid relationship mistake? Please comment below.
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