Divorce can happen for a huge range of reasons, and every couple is a little bit different. In most cases, though, dissolving a marriage is – to some degree - the “fault” of both members of the relationship. You both contribute to the climate of the marriage that leads to divorce… But sometimes one party is doing far more damage than the other – even if they don’t know it.

With that in mind, men and women can do this in pretty different ways. Again, every relationship is unique, but some behaviors are more common among each gender.

For women, there are some common mistakes that can drive husbands away, damage the quality of the relationship, and may ultimately lead to divorce. To keep your marriage happy and healthy, it’s important to be on the lookout out for these behaviors in your own relationship.

Woman can often cause divorce in these marriage mistakes.

Woman can often cause divorce in these marriage mistakes.

1. Emasculation

First and foremost, this issue needs to be tackled head on. Some women get into the habit of talking down to their spouses, criticizing his decisions, making him feel bad about himself, and so on. This typically results in damaged self-confidence and/or resentment.

Lack of confidence becomes a vicious cycle – where he makes mistakes, is indecisive, etc. – which can lead to more criticism. It can also result in conscious (or unconscious) distancing from his wife simply as a means of self-preservation.

The confidence problem is a serious one… And it can happen to anyone. If he’s constantly under scrutiny for his work, his contribution around the house, how he interacts with the kids, and so on, he may react by trying less – since it likely feels like none of his efforts are good enough.

Men tend to thrive on admiration and approval – to know that they are providing for their families, and that they have the respect of the people around them. Chipping away at that sense of approval (and therefore, identity) will only damage how he feels about himself, and about the marriage.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t offer constructive criticism – but be aware of how you go about it. There’s nothing attractive about feeling like your wife is a nagging mother.

2. Kids First, Always

Parenting is important, and for mothers, there’s a natural inclination to protect and care for the children over anything and everything else. We’re not telling to ignore the kids, but for men, a wife totally focused on the children (and not focused at all on him) can put tremendous distance in the relationship.

When the role of “mom” totally overshadows the role of “wife,” the marriage suffers. This happens when the kids’ activities, weekend plans, homework, and the like become the constant focus, and no effort is made for quality time together, dates, intimacy, or adult conversations that don’t involve what’s going on with the children.

As the marriage slips down the priority list, it also affects your ability to co-parent with love and connection. The more connected you are to one another, the more of a unit you can be for raising your children. The kids are certainly important, but don’t let their needs overtake the needs of your marriage!

3. Hurtful Arguing

Disagreements happen. In any relationship, there is bound to be some conflict, but how you handle it will make a huge difference in the quality of the marriage.

Now, this is something both men and women can be guilty of, but for one reason or another, it seems to happen more with women… One of the worst ways to argue is trying to tackle too many subjects at once. Instead of addressing the problem at hand, some people will use a fight as an opportunity to dredge up everything their spouse has ever done wrong… They use the heat of the moment to let loose on all of the little things that have gone unmentioned… They bring up the past… They make accusations or speak in absolutes…

All of this is unfair, and doesn’t actually lead to resolving the issue that started the argument. These “bad tactics” can also include personal attacks, being defensive and changing the subject when you’re in the wrong, and so much more.

The point is to do your best to keep things civil, to focus on one problem at a time, and argue with the intent of solving problems, not hurting the other person.

4. No Parental Boundaries

Unlike the topic above, this is about YOUR parents, not how you raise your kids. This isn’t necessarily specific to men or women, but seems to be a more common complaint among men. This problem arises when there are no boundaries between older parents and their adult children – like dropping by unannounced, offering unwanted “advice,” insisting on “helping” when it hasn’t been asked for, and so on.

For men, the overbearing presence of his wife’s parents (even more so than his own) can feel emasculating, embarrassing, or just downright annoying. This isn’t to say that he can’t love his wife’s family, or that they are totally unwelcome, but setting some boundaries is important.

You’ll have to figure out those boundaries for your unique relationship, but keep these things in mind… And as always, communicate about it!

Whether you’re male or female, keep these things in mind as bad behaviors that can push your spouse away, create rifts in the relationship, and move you closer and closer to divorce.

Watch out for these behaviors, and keep yourself in check. Simply recognizing (and stopping) these things can help you maintain a happy and healthy marriage. Don’t push each other away – or let anyone else get between you!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

When you think about high profile couples, things like “stability” and “longevity” don’t often jump to mind. Instead, we see the tabloid headlines, the scandals, and all of the ups and downs that can come along with fame and fortune.

Now, there are a few important things to note here. First, the relationship problems so commonly associated with Hollywood and famous people are NOT exclusive to the wealthy or high profile. Being in the public eye can definitely add pressure to a relationship, but fights, affairs, communication issues, and so on are risks for every couple, not just the ones you see on TV.

You can learn some things from how celebrity marriages stay together.

You can learn some things from how celebrity marriages stay together.

These kinds of problems arise because of circumstances within the relationship itself. Sure, there might be “more temptation” for movie stars, more opportunities to grow apart as musicians and athletes travel the world… But still, relationships of all kinds thrive on the same basic ideas of communication, trust, and time spent together.

It’s also important to note that we can learn a great deal about resilience and fighting through marital issues from these celebrity couples. We may think it’s embarrassing to be seen with our spouse after an affair, or find it difficult to explain to family members what’s going on. These high profile couples, however, practically have to share their personal business with the whole world!

Sure, there are plenty of couples (married or dating) that go through public breakups, but what about the celebrities who stick it out despite the odds, the cameras, and all of the magazines forming their own opinions? Couples like Beyoncé and Jay-Z, and perhaps even more famously, Bill and Hilary Clinton, have had huge public scandals, faced massive scrutiny in the media, and still, despite everything stacked against them, stayed committed to one another.

That’s the biggest lesson here – that many couples can get through the worst times, including affairs, no matter how “high profile” they might be. If they can commit to rebuilding their marriages with the cameras flashing, through criticism from people they don’t know, through all of the obstacles that come with public life… Then you can too!

The point is that these couples stayed focused on their marriages, working to rebuild trust and move forward regardless of the outside pressures around them.

Doing the same won’t be easy for you – but it is possible. You and your spouse can turn inward to one another, and if you’re willing to make it work, you can fight through any negativity from your friends and family, community, church, or whoever else might be trying to prevent you from working through your issues. The choice is up to the two of you – and no one else!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Affairs hurt - there’s no denying that. When we feel emotional pain, we want others (especially the person that hurt us) to know how we feel. Unfortunately, people often try to achieve this by hurting the other person!

How do you help your spouse understand how their affair made you feel?

How do you help your spouse understand how their affair made you feel?

They might not mean to, but because of anger and pain, they lash out, insult, or even have affairs of their own to “show their spouse” how injured they feel… But this doesn’t help anyone! It doesn’t help you heal, doesn’t repair the marriage, and only serves to make things worse for both of you.

So… What can you do?

How can you make your spouse understand how they made you feel without doing more damage?

Like so many other issues, the key is in communication - more importantly, letting the hurt person get their feelings out. If you’ve been cheated on, this means talking about your feelings directly and seriously, without blame, finger pointing, or letting your anger get the best of you. If you had an affair, it means listening and absorbing with respect without defending yourself, arguing, or interrupting. You won’t be able to get past the infidelity if you can’t sit down and talk about what happened, how it made both of you feel, how things got to this point, and what factors led to the climate that made an affair possible.

In the video below, see how Dr. Dana discusses this approach to communication with a real couple struggling to rebuild their marriage. Use this lesson to see the importance of mindful communication for understanding each other, getting to the root of your feelings and hurt, and rebuilding your marriage for a stronger, happier future.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Maintaining a successful marriage is hinged on communication. Being able to talk openly and honestly with one another builds a foundation of trust, and sets expectations well before conflicting views or ideas lead to fights.

Today, we’re looking at 10 topics you and your spouse need to discuss, especially if you’re newly married. Even if you’ve been together for years, even decades, neglecting to discuss these topics is asking for trouble. Eventually, these things will come up - and if you haven’t addressed them before conflict arises, strongly held opinions could lead to some serious (and hurtful) arguments.

1. Money

Financial disagreements are among the most common marital conflicts. If you don’t see eye to eye about spending, don’t have a budget, or have vastly differing opinions on what constitutes an “important” expense, it can lead to bitter arguments. This is further complicated by shared accounts, if one spouse is the primary breadwinner, or if only one of you has particularly pricey habits.

You need to have these 10 conversations with your spouse!

You need to have these 10 conversations with your spouse!

Take the time to talk about your money opinions, plans for savings and retirement, and expectations for each other’s spending.

2. Sex

It can be uncomfortable to discuss candidly, but having a conversation about sex - expectations, desires, hangups, and so on - is an important part of building a healthy marriage. It’s far better to deal with a little bit of embarrassment, instead of discovering your differences in the bedroom. This one’s pretty simple - you have to know each other’s intimate preferences if you want a stable, successful marriage.

3. Priorities

We all have different ideas about what’s most important in our lives. Being on the same page as your spouse - or at least knowing where each other stand - is critical for a lasting, loving marriage. Think about your own priorities so you can discuss them with your spouse, and ask them to be honest about their own. This will help you plan for the future together, and know when you may disagree about careers, where you live, and so on.

4. Jealousy

This is another tough topic, but one you must address. Are you a jealous person? Is your spouse? Being honest with one another about this sensitive subject will help you set some ground rules for behavior, friendships, how you each spend your free time, etc. Your spouse may have strong reactions to things you might not see as a big deal, and vice versa, so if you know each other’s triggers, you can take steps to avoid them.

5. Politics

We all know how divisive political opinions can be… Having different views doesn’t mean you can’t be happily married, but if you don’t talk about it in a calm, neutral way, they can cause fights when issues come up naturally. Instead, take the time to get familiar with how each other feel about certain issues, and be mindful of how you might offend your spouse with your own political views.

6. Kids

If you don’t already have kids, it’s critical to talk about whether or not you want to have them. If you do, it’s also important to discuss parenting philosophies, discipline, how much freedom they have, and so on. Like the other topics we’re discussing, knowing where each other stands before conflicts arise can be the difference between a calm disagreement and a full blown fight.

7. Time

Time is our most precious commodity. Understand how your spouse feels about spending time, what they prioritize, how they feel about how YOU spend time, and so on. You don’t necessarily have to agree on everything, but you can find compromises that help you both feel like time is being spent in ways that are important to each of you. It’s also worth mentioning that spending quality time together is integral for your marriage - and dedicating time to each other is something you should both agree on.

8. History

Understanding each other’s past is an important part of understanding each other in the present. If you have trauma, hangups, triggers, or anything of the sort stemming from your past, it’s important that your spouse knows about them - even if it’s painful to talk about. Sharing your history, the good and the bad, with one another will strengthen and deepen your relationship.

9. Religion

This is another sensitive topic, but knowing each other’s religious beliefs will help you have a deeper respect and understanding for the way you each see the world. It will also help you avoid arguments about customs, observances, and so many more things in life that are tied to belief. Some people are very private about these things, but keeping such an important part of yourself from your spouse will only lead to trouble in the long run.

10. Communication

Last, but certainly not least, you have to communicate about communicating! Let each other know if you have preferences, or if something about the way you speak to each other is bothersome, upsetting, or insufficient. Having a conversation about communication styles can inform every interaction you have with each other, especially disagreements.

Each of these topics can be tough to navigate, but building trust and sharing personal truths is perhaps the most important part of a strong marriage. Don’t let these things go unspoken, only to come to the surface in moments of conflict. Protect your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been married - have these conversations with total honesty and build a marriage that will last a lifetime!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Household responsibilities are a pain. Even for those who like a tidy home, or find some satisfaction in cleaning and organizing things… It’s still an ongoing challenge to keep up with dishes, laundry, and all of the other messes and maintenance around the house – especially if you have kids.

For many couples, figuring out some kind of division of labor is a big part of keeping this endless task list manageable. It can come in many forms – whether it’s taking turns on specific chores, each person having their own responsibilities, or an amicable team effort. Even more importantly than “getting stuff done,” however, are the expectations couples put on one another for this kind of work…

In fact, the division of labor, gender roles, and unmet expectations surrounding housework are directly related to the overall happiness of your marriage. It’s less about what you each actually do, and more about how you feel about it – particularly for women. One study found that couples reporting the highest levels of marital happiness correlated directly with women who believed that labor should be divided equally – and the reality met their expectations. The opposite was also true: the couples reporting the lowest levels happiness were those where the wife believed in equal division of household responsibilities, but the reality fell short of expectations.

Fighting about chores can really harm your marriage!

Fighting about chores can really harm your marriage!

Now, this can extend from some gender roles (men thinking that housework is the woman’s responsibility), or simply from a lack of participation even after a division of labor has been established. And it’s not just men!

This trouble can come in many, many forms – and every couple is unique. Underlining it all, however, is the problem of unmet expectations.

Couples that don’t discuss this stuff can fall into bad habits, begrudgingly doing chores while blaming their spouse for not taking care of it, feeling like they do all the work, and getting angry about unmet expectations that were never laid out.

If couples DO decide on a way to split up household responsibilities, it’s just as troublesome if one (or both) people don’t hold up their end of the bargain. It still leads to resentment, feeling an undue burden, and can even chip away at the trust you have for one another.

Chores might not seem like a big deal to you (especially if you’re the one not holding up your end), but it’s serves as a metaphor for the rest of the relationship. Are you each taking an active role in taking care of responsibilities large and small? Are you both committed to helping one another? Are you acting as a team?

This is just one (very practical) way you can both get back on the same page and start rebuilding a marriage of love, trust, mutual understanding, and teamwork. Have a candid discussion about chores, division of labor, and how you each feel about it. Of course there will be some responsibilities you’d rather not have to deal with, but that’s just part of the reality. You can make it easier by forming a plan with your spouse. Decide on a division of labor that works for both of you, and stick to it until you have to revisit the discussion.

Again, the point here is about expectations – and that goes for way more than who folds the laundry or cleans the bathroom. When you’re fighting about unmet or unclear expectations, it means you aren’t communicating. It means you aren’t operating as a unit with each other’s best interests in mind. If you find yourself fighting about household duties, it’s time to take a step back, have a talk about expectations, and find better ways to support one another.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Infidelity is one of the most damaging things that can happen in a marriage. It doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship, but before you can repair the damage, address the issues that led to an affair, and move forward… You have to get things out in the open.

Because infidelity is generally carried out in secret, it means things need to come to a head before the problems are actually addressed, and unfortunately, that usually involves confirming suspicions and confronting your spouse.

Today we’re looking at some warning signs that your wife may be cheating on you. If you see these things in your own marriage, it’s probably time to have a difficult conversation.

1. Accusations

When people feel guilty, they often project (or deflect) onto the people closest to them. If your wife is making wild accusations about who you spend your time with, what you’re doing when she’s not around, etc. – and you haven’t been doing anything out of the ordinary – she may be trying to shift attention away from her own wrongdoing. Many people do this without even being conscious of it!

How do you tell when your wife is cheating?

How do you tell when your wife is cheating?

2. Hinting at Unhappiness

If your wife is making veiled remarks about unhappiness, an unsure future, not feeling loved, etc., there may be something going on you don’t know about it. If she’s making such comments, but the complaints aren’t accompanied by any suggestions for improvement or resolution, she may be fully checked out of the marriage – and seeking comfort from someone else.

3. A Change In Style

If your wife suddenly seems more concerned with her appearance than usual, is dressing up when she didn’t used to, or putting extra effort into her looks for work, going out with friends, or other times she leaves the house without you, she may very well be looking her best for someone else. Now, she may just have a new outlook or a renewed sense of confidence, but if this happens suddenly – or if she evades questions about it – you have every right to be suspicious.

4. Emotional Distance

This doesn’t necessarily mean she’s cheating, but if your wife seems totally checked out of the marriage – and even the most basic interactions you share – there are definitely problems going on. It might not mean she’s cheating, but this is the kind of marital environment that makes an affair more likely.

5. Trouble In The Bedroom

If she seems disinterested in sex, makes excuses, avoids the subject, and so on, it’s possible that she’s involved with someone else. Now, there are plenty of reasons couples experience trouble with sex, but again, if she avoids talking about it or doesn’t seem interested in ways to improve things, you have some reason for concern.

6. Watching Your Every Move

It’s one thing to check in from time to time, but if your wife seems suddenly interested in your whereabouts around the clock, when you’re coming and going, the fine details of all your plans, and so on, she could be hiding something. By knowing your every move, she can stay one step ahead and cover up any signs of infidelity. This behavior is definitely cause for suspicion.

7. Pushing You Away

While this may not have anything to do with infidelity, it’s still a cause for concern. If she’s often asking you for space, turning down requests to spend time together, and the like, it’s a sign of some deeper issues. If these requests for “space” are happening in the evening and on weekends, she may also be using that space to see someone else.

8. Comments From Others

It’s not always the best idea to listen to what others have to say about your marriage – but if your friends and family, or worse, her friends and family, are making comments about her potentially cheating, it’s probably a good idea to listen. They may not be right or have all the details, but it’s worth exploring.

9. New Friends

If your wife has new friends that you’ve never met, and she seems to spending an inordinate amount of time with them – but not telling you much about what they do – this friend could very well be an affair. Even if this “friend” isn’t a secret lover, she may be spending time with a single friend, trying to meet people, or otherwise wandering into “cheating” behavior.

10. Frequent Change in Plans

It’s perfectly fine for your wife to spend time with friends, to have a social life, to do things without you by her side every minute of the day… But if she’s constantly changing her plans, coming home later than expected, planning to go out but suddenly not going… All of this leads to a suspicion that she’s being secretive about how she spends her time.

Again, these things don’t immediately mean that your wife is cheating on you, or that just because she’s engaging in some of these behaviors, that your marriage is doomed to fail… However, if you feel you have strong reasons to be suspicious, you MUST have a candid, direct conversation with your wife to ask if she’s having an affair.

If you can address the problems head on, you can uncover the issues in the relationship that allowed the affair to happen. Then, if you can commit to growing as individuals and writing the wrongs of your past, you can actually rebuild your marriage into something stronger than it has ever been.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

It’s pretty safe to say that a “loveless” marriage is NOT a happy one. Whether you’re fighting constantly, living totally separate lives under the same roof, or just coexisting as amicable roommates… It still isn’t the loving connection we think of when we imagine healthy relationships.

If your marriage feels loveless, the first thing to understand is that you can get things back on track with some commitment, some honesty, and some effort!

It doesn’t even matter so much how you got to this point – at least for the solution we want to propose, the approach is the same regardless of what past mistakes brought you to this point. For some couples, it could be anger and resentment that makes them argue constantly, be impatient with one another, or assume the worst about any interaction. For other couples, it could just be lack of enthusiasm, that they stopped making an effort to stay connected. Still for others, it could be a lasting wound from an affair, a health problem, or some other circumstance that created a rift that was never resolved…

How do you fix a marriage when you're not in love anymore?

How do you fix a marriage when you're not in love anymore?

And these are just a few examples! Every relationship is a little bit different, and couples can “fall out of love” for a huge variety of reasons. Getting back to a good place, though, is about the same no matter the source of the trouble.

It starts with communication – which can be tough if you’ve gotten to a place where communication is all but nonexistent – but if you truly want to repair your relationship, you have to talk about the issues at hand! Don’t approach this conversation with attacks or blame, but instead let your spouse know that you want to fix things, and that to do that, you have to take stock of what’s currently going on – and how you got to this point.

If you can have a constructive, honest discussion about the sources of your disconnection, you can start to get a clear picture of how you can resolve them. You may not be able to take back hurtful things or years of ignoring one another, but you can admit to mistakes and commit to improving. Maybe this means taking anger management classes, changing habits, helping out around the house, becoming a better listener – you won’t know HOW to improve until you talk about what’s wrong.

After you’ve had that tough talk – consider it a “state of the union” – the next step is rebuilding your sense of connection, and the ONLY way to do that is through quality time spent together. You can start slowly at first, but you have to stick with it. Go on dates, spend time chatting (and not just about serious subjects or the marriage), go for walks together… Anything that gets the two of you sharing your time away from distractions (including your phone!).

Really, these are the two central pieces to the puzzle of a loveless marriage – acknowledging what went wrong, committing to making things better, and spending enjoyable time together!

That may sound oversimplified, but give it time… It will feel good to address the issues that have gone unspoken for far too long, and as you spend more time together (with the awareness of old problems you don’t want to repeat), you’ll start to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Again, this can be a slow process, but with an open heart, and open mind, and the strength to face up to past mistakes, a loveless marriage doesn’t have to be the end – it can be the opportunity for a new beginning.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

After years of marriage, many couples find themselves less connected than they once were… They settle into routines, get comfortable, and over the years, grow apart until they feel more like roommates than spouses.

This is a common problem – so common that it has created something of a myth: that this is simply the natural progression of long-term relationships, that eventually the passion erodes and away and people grow apart…

This couldn’t be further from the truth!

Now, it’s worth mentioning that natural ups and downs are sure to happen. There are many circumstances at play, and over years of marriage, plenty of things can affect how connected you and your spouse feel. Health problems, job changes, growing families, and so many more factors can cause your focus to drift away from the marriage – and to some degree, that’s ok! We all have busy, complicated lives, and it can’t be all happiness all the time…

Is it normal to fall out of love?

Is it normal to fall out of love?

However, writing off marital drift as “natural” is doing a disservice to yourself and your spouse. There may be some ups and downs… But there’s no ticking clock that says you’ll fall out of love after a certain amount of time. It does happen, but because of neglect (intentional or not), and you both have the power to fight back against it.

As time goes by, you and your spouse don’t drift apart naturally – but your inclination to spend quality time together and actively maintain your marriage might fall by the wayside… And that’s when things start to go south. After years and years of no dates, little romance, and simply occupying the same space, it’s no wonder so many couples find themselves feeling like cohabitants instead of lovers.

If you know the cause of such problems, though, you can commit to the solution! It’s all about connection – spending quality time together away from distractions (not just sitting in the same room watching TV), going on dates, trying new things, communicating openly about whatever’s going on in your life… These things all serve to bring you closer together and keep the romance alive.

This works for couples of ALL kinds – whether you’ve grown apart or not. Making a point to spend time together is a preventative measure, and will help you keep your existing connection alive. In fact, it’s one of the most critical components of maintaining a healthy marriage. If you and your spouse have grown apart, the solution is the same: spend more time together!

This problem of drifting apart or falling out of love only seems natural because so many couples don’t know the value of intentional, communicative, quality time spent together. It is the source of romance, sexual desire, trust, feelings of connectivity, and so much more. You simply MUST spend time together if you want to stay connected.

So… The short answer to the question is NO, falling out of love isn’t just some normal thing that happens to all couples. If you don’t want it to happen, you have to put in the effort to stay connected!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

So, your marriage has survived an affair – that’s an incredible accomplishment! It’s important to acknowledge that you’ve made a difficult choice to rebuild your marriage and stay connected to the person you love, even in the face of such a major obstacle.

How much detail is too much after an affair?

How much detail is too much after an affair?

But as you’re beginning to mend the damage done by infidelity, you’ll have to face up to a particularly difficult challenge: deciding how much detail to discuss with your spouse. By “detail,” we mean the inevitable questions about exactly what happened, when, where, why… All of the painful specifics about the affair itself.

This is actually a very delicate subject, and should be approached with care, patience, and sense of balance. On one hand, discussing the details of the affair can help rebuilt trust. It shows that there’s nothing to hide, that the offending spouse is committed to rebuilding the relationship.

However – and this is the important part to consider – you can actually do more damage to your marriage by delving into the gritty details. Too much specific information will likely create mental images that are too difficult to shake, which then lead to barriers to healing.

Pay close attention to the video below for some deeper information on this topic, and where your REAL focus should be when recovering from an affair.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Divorce can wreak havoc on many parts of life. It’s expensive and time consuming, can drag up painful memories, cause bitter confrontation, bring about financial ruin, damage friendships, and of course, lead to chaos and confusion in the lives of the children whose parents are splitting.
But just how severely are these kids affected?

We may have a vague understanding that divorce is tough on kids, but looking at real comments from kids who live through it, we start to get an idea of how much damage is actually being done. The Huffington Post featured a collection of anonymous comments from the children of divorced parents, and they are as eye opening as they are heart wrenching.

Does divorce harm your children?

Does divorce harm your children?

While a few of them are understandable at the surface (like having to choose between parents’ houses for the holidays), the majority are about feelings of being torn between their fighting parents – being in the middle of arguments, being forced to “choose a side,” being pitted against one parent by the other, having to be the messenger or go-between, and not being able to see or speak to a parent they love because of living with the other.

The real problem here isn’t just that the kids have had to live through a divorce - it’s that after the split, they are continuing to get caught up in their parents’ ongoing feud.

Unfortunately, when parents get divorced, it’s very difficult – almost impossible – to “leave the kids out of it.” When a couple has children together, they can’t just walk away from the marriage unscathed – they have to at least stay in some kind of contact (most of the time) for the kids to be able to spend time with both parents.

When tensions are high and the wounds of the divorce (or even just a separation) haven’t healed, it can be tough for those parents to be civil with one another, or even talk civilly about each other to the child. Even if the parents are masters of holding their tongues, kids can tell when they aren’t getting along.

Combine that tension with bouncing back and forth between homes, general confusion about the nature of adult relationships, and having to explain the situation to friends or younger siblings – and we see that divorce is putting an extreme amount of pressure on children.

Now, “staying together for the kids” is not a healthy way to solve relationship issues. If your relationship is volatile and you aren’t getting along with your spouse, this is also a problematic and potentially damaging environment for youngsters. Instead of keeping your troubled marriage for the sake of the kids, use their wellbeing as a source of inspiration for improving the marriage you have.

If you know that your kids will be better off in a happy home with both parents present, you can use that sentiment to give momentum to your efforts to strengthen the marriage. It can be tough to admit problems and begin to work toward solutions, but perhaps knowing that it’s better for your young ones is the push you need to get started!

No child deserves to be forced between his or her fighting parents. Before you make the drastic decision of divorcing, put some effort into repairing your broken relationship for their sake – and for your own sake too.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com