Animal lovers rejoice! Having a pet can actually help improve your marriage!

But how?

There are a few direct benefits that having a pet can bring to your marriage – and we’ll get to that soon – but first, let’s think about how most people treat their pets…

With most animal lovers, pets are the recipients of a TON of affection.

We bring them toys and treats. We shower them with pets and scratches. We feed them, walk them, pick up after them…

They have it pretty good!

But do we treat our spouses in anywhere close to the same way?

• Do you rush home to see your husband or wife?
• Do you bring them little gifts or treats just because?
• Do you show them affection because YOU enjoy it too?

So, before we even dig into some of the other reasons, you can see how caring for a pet helps you understand your own capacity for love.

The first real benefit, then, is the reminder that we can treat our spouses in a similar way – loving and appreciating them for their companionship… And showing it!

Pets can help your marriage!

Pets can help your marriage!

Even the act of showing your pets affection can help prepare you for a more loving and connected life.

When you bond with your pets, your body produces oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”), which helps prime you for connection with others, feelings of love and being loved, and helps build trust.

This is just the beginning though…

Taking care of a pet together can teach you and your spouse some important lessons about teamwork and patience as well. You’ll have to share some responsibilities, and you’ll likely encounter some tough situations, messes, or problems that will test your resolve and your temper!

For dog lovers, having a pet can also help you stay in shape – since dogs likely require some walking, you’ll have to walk too!

If you and your spouse walk the dog together, it helps you both burn some calories AND spend some quality time together.

For each of you individually, interacting with pets is a great form of stress relief. It can calm you down, improve mood, trigger positive thoughts… Even reduce blood pressure!

Spending time with pets – taking care of them, building a bond with them, etc. – is just good for your heart and mind in a general kind of way. It has a way of bringing out the best in people.

Who can resist those warm, fuzzy feelings when they’re playing with a cute kitty or snuggled up with the family dog?

Now, we can also learn some pretty important lessons from our animal companions about how to treat one another. Think about it…

Pets are:

• Accepting of imperfections
• Always happy to see you
• Quick to forgive
• Glad to give and receive affection
• Attentive
• Happy to spend time with you

Each and every one of these qualities – when expressed from you to your spouse – can have a hugely positive impact on your marriage.

The simplicity of a pet’s adoration is something we could all bring to our relationships, and simply love our spouses despite their shortcomings…

To help them grow and be their best, instead of getting mad or holding grudges.

And besides, wouldn’t it be great if your spouse were ecstatic to see you at the end of a long day?

Of course, talk to your spouse before you go out and get a pet…

If you aren’t both sold on the idea of pet ownership, it’s going to create more problems than benefits. It is taking responsibility for another living thing, after all!

If you do, though, it could be a great way to grow closer together, and an even better way to gain some insight on unconditional love.

Could ADD be to blame for your marriage woes?

When we think about Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often associate it with young people, namely rambunctious kids, and largely overlook the number of adults who live with ADD every day – many of them undiagnosed.

Unfortunately, many of the symptoms of ADD can have a negative effect on a marriage, especially if the couple isn’t aware of how it might be working against them.

Even if your spouse has been diagnosed with ADD, it’s possible to overlook it as a cause of problems and assume they are just being inattentive.

Here are three major ways ADD can negatively affect relationships:

1. Forgetfulness

For many people who struggle with ADD, it can be difficult to keep thoughts straight, and the result is that somewhere in the jumble, some things get lost.

From a spouse’s perspective, this can be extremely frustrating if it means forgetting to pick something up, forgetting to pay a bill, etc.

Is ADD affecting your marriage?

Is ADD affecting your marriage?

It can feel like they simply don’t care enough to remember, or that they just aren’t trying hard enough – but for sufferers of ADD, that’s simply not the case.

They may be trying very hard, but these slips can still happen.

2. Impulsivity

One of the other defining characteristics of ADD is the tendency for rapid-fire, seemingly random thought patterns.

This is partly why it can be difficult for some people to concentrate or remember specific instructions – because their thoughts are moving at 100 miles an hour!

Because of this tendency, people with ADD can seem very impulsive and scattered, jumping from one activity to another, running out the door to do something without consideration for much else.

It can even cause them to say things without thinking them through – all leading to frustration for their spouses.

3. Lack Of Follow Through

Because it can be difficult to stay on top of multiple tasks or concentrate on multiple things, people with ADD may have a tough time completing projects or following through with promises.

Unfortunately, this can come off as a lack of responsibility, a lack of ambition, or worse – a lack of intelligence.

The problems don’t come from a lack of intelligence or ambition, but rather from difficulty finding and concentrating on the next step long enough to take it.

If your spouse has been diagnosed with ADD, or even shows many of the symptoms, it’s important to understand that these “bad” habits are not entirely under their control, and that getting angry or upset does little to improve the situation.

Instead of getting frustrated, try to take a step back and think about how a condition like ADD could be affecting the your spouse’s thoughts and behaviors, do you your best to support them through tough times, and work together to find coping mechanisms and systems to help them address the problems at hand.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Still reeling from an affair?

Affairs are devastating to marriages – there’s simply no getting around that.

Trust has been betrayed, any sense of “normalcy” has been disrupted, and perhaps worst of all…

The people who were cheated on now have to face this haunting mental image of their spouse getting intimate with someone else.

Recovering from an affair, for these reasons and more, is a tough battle.

Now, we won’t dig into the entire process here because there are several components – from agreeing to start your marriage over with a new approach to working toward effective forgiveness – but one of the pieces we will deal with today is understanding how and why the affair happened in the first place.

One of the hardest parts, however, is that talking through these things can mean facing some painful realities and trying to hold some awkward, even embarrassing conversations.

Even if you can get into what the state of the marriage was before the affair...

...if you can talk about unmet emotional or physical needs...

...if the “guilty” party can admit to temptation and do their best to explain why they felt what they did...

It still leaves a huge amount of details unspoken: the specifics of what actually happened.

It's important to talk about an affair.

It's important to talk about an affair.

There’s actually quite a bit of disagreement among marriage counselors about this very topic.

How many of the “gory” details should one spouse share with the other after an affair?

Does knowing exactly what happened make things better or worse?

First, let’s try to understand why such details get left out, even as couples are openly admitting to fault and trying to rebuild their marriages.

• For one, it’s embarrassing. For anyone (but especially men), it’s an admission of weakness, lack of self-control, etc.

Men tend to crave the admiration of women (a factor that contributes to how affairs begin too), and describing the details of how they were unfaithful can feel like risking any respect or admiration their wives still hold for them.

Even when it’s common knowledge, the specifics are difficult to admit.

• It can feel like discussing those particular details (where, what happened, etc.) can pose a threat to any possible reconciliation – so people shy away from them, even if they’re willing to talk about all of the other factors of the affair.

• They are trying to save their spouse from further heartache – and that’s the very reason it might be a better idea to leave the details of the physical encounters unspoken.

While it’s important to reconciliation to know who, where, and why, asking for the details of what actually happened may only be setting yourself up for unshakable mental images that inhibit your ability to move forward with the marriage.

It’s fair to know how long the affair went on.

It’s fair to know if there are any health risks or if there may be a pregnancy to worry about…

But details about the acts themselves won’t do anything but make the whole situation more painful. They will NOT provide relief, no matter how much someone thinks they will.

If you’re facing this very situation, instead focus on:

• the future
• solutions
• moving forward with your marriage
• ensuring that the environment that made an affair possible doesn’t happen again

If your spouse is asking, you can explain to them that you are willing to share the details they ask about (and you should be), but that you want to make sure that things are moving in a positive and improving direction...

Explain that those “gory” details may have the very opposite effect.

It won’t be easy to come back from an affair, but it is possible – and couples who focus on the relationship they have, making it the best it can be, building trust and love, and creating happiness for the future are best suited to save their marriages.

Are you taking the right approach to overcoming the affair that damaged your relationship?

Focus on the future instead of dwelling on the past.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Those "end of summer" blues are upon us...

With the warmest months of the summer coming to a close, the school year getting ready to start back up, and for many of us, our annual vacations already in the past, going into the autumn months can be less than exciting.

There’s still time, though, to get in some outdoor and summery date nights before the weather turns cold.

Even if it seems like you have to get back into the swing of the things and set aside summer fun, there are plenty of opportunities for dates with your spouse – keeping your marriage strong and healthy no matter the season.

There's still time for these great Summer date ideas.

There's still time for these great Summer date ideas.

Spending quality time together (away from distractions) is one of the most important components of a happy, connected marriage.

These dates, no matter how small or how extravagant, are your opportunity to connect as individuals, to share your thoughts, to continue to fall in love with each other day after day, year after year.

And because we do have so may other responsibilities, from kids and jobs to simple odds and ends around the house...

It’s far too easy to put your relationship on the back burner, deal with things as they happen in the day to day, and let your marriage suffer because of it.

You have the power to prevent this from happening, though, and it all starts with spending time together.

To get you started, we’ve put together a few ideas for late summer/early fall dates – both indoor and outdoor. This is by no means and exhaustive list, though.

You and your spouse can be creative to come up with fun ideas of your own, share your hobbies with one another, and of course, explore your own local area for fun and exciting things to do.

Here are a few “end of summer” date ideas to get you motivated:

  • Have a cook out for just the two of you
  • Shoot pool (billiards) at your local bowling alley or pool hall
  • Play yard games with neighbors or another couple
  • Have a themed movie marathon
  • Get together with friends for drinks and board games
  • Visit a farmers market for late season veggies
  • Go fall hiking to explore the changing colors
  • Attend a local sporting event
  • Enjoy a backyard bonfire together
  • See a play by your local theater group
  • Visit a driving range
  • Explore your area’s antique shops and flea markets

These are just a handful of ways you can spend quality time with your spouse.

The actual activity you choose is only a small part of the date – it’s much more about getting out of your daily routine to do something special together.

Feel free to use any of these ideas for your next date night, come up with variations, or use ideas all your own. You can cater your dates with your husband or wife to meet your own financial means, your own interests, and your own local attractions.

Don’t get bogged down with the end of the summer season.

Even if the days are shorter and the weather is colder, even if the kids are back to school and your schedule is getting hectic, you can still make your marriage a priority and enjoy some quality date time with your spouse.

The strength of your marriage depends on it.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

You Really Can Live Happily Ever After. Watch This Video Now

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Why is the first decade of a marriage so important? What's so special about the 10-year mark?

Big studies have a way of providing insight about broad trends that we just can’t see from close up...

It may take years to collect the information, but once it’s in front of us, the findings can help us understand major concepts and long-term trends that we wouldn’t be able to see otherwise.

When it comes to studies about marriage, it also offers a look at marriages in a broad way – not just the subjective view we get of our own relationships.

One such study, conducted by Brigham Young University, examined 2000 married women over the course of 35 years, and the results provide a lesson we can all take to heart!

In the study, researchers found that at the 10-year mark of a marriage, problems tend to be at their worst – even when the couple sees a happy marriage as a product of actual efforts to keep it healthy.

A decade into marriage, for many couples, is when things start to settle a bit. By that point, there might be a couple of kids to raise, some stability achieved, and the “honeymoon phase” is long over…

It’s easy to understand why this might lead to problems for many couples. It’s the closing portion of the first real “phase” of the marriage. They met, the fell in love, they got married, the started a family…

Now what?

Married couples could be in danger after 10 years.

Your marriage could be in danger after 10 years.

By this point, routines have likely been established, and that can mean resentment for one member of the marriage who feels overburdened by certain duties.

Many of the women in the studied cited an undue share of household responsibilities as a source of their frustrations.

It’s also worth noting that, around 10 years into a marriage, couples might also be facing some of the most difficult and exhausting chapters of parenthood.

The kids are at their most energetic and most troublesome – and parents might feel like they’re running ragged just to keep up.

This hardly leaves time to focus on the quality of the relationship.

Of course, not every marriage will experience the height of its difficulties at exactly a decade (there are always exceptions), but this study shows a trend that, once we start to examine why it happens, is pretty easy to understand.

Fortunately, the study also uncovered some good news:

After another 5 years – that is, 15 years into marriage – reports of dissatisfaction begin to decline sharply, and continue to decline steadily over the next 20 years.

That means that couples who can make it over the 10-year hump tend to get happier as time goes on.

Not only can we see that experiencing problems about a decade into the marriage is completely normal, there’s also evidence to support that it’s a hurdle couples can jump if they’re willing to stick it out.

The best defense against this 10-year problem zone is a strong marriage that you work to maintain and grow every single day.

Programs like the StrongMarriageNow System, and even the advice and information we offer here on this blog, will help prepare you if you haven’t hit that 10–year point.

...Or if you have, the information can help you get your marriage on track for a happy future.

The major lessons are:

• communication
• spending quality time together
• and perhaps most importantly for those struggling after a decade of marriage – lighten up!

Seriously, learning to laugh at yourself, not taking things so personally or seriously, and focusing on positives can make such a major difference in how you interact with each other and the world around you.

If you can learn to roll with the punches, lean on each other for frustrations, and really, just take things a little less seriously, you’ll be amazed at how much calmer your whole relationship will be.

Don’t let the “10 year itch” scare you – it’s only natural, and with the right approach, you can have a great relationship all year, every year!

Start improving your marriage today.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

You’ve probably heard the phrase time and time again: “let’s just agree to disagree…”

And sometimes that’s simply what you have to do when matters of opinion are being argued in circles, when you’re at work or with casual acquaintances and you don’t want to rock the boat or cause unnecessary tension…

But in a marriage, it’s a terrible habit to fall into!

While this might be a useful tactic for avoiding political debates with your brother-in-law, taking such an approach to problems in your marriage will only set you up for more conflict down the road.

When you “agree to disagree” about an element of the relationship – be it behavior, finances, raising kids, or anything else – what you’re really doing is backing down from the issue and leaving it unresolved.

Don't agree to disagree!

Don't agree to disagree!

This can lead to what psychologists call “hostile detachment,” where a married couple settles into the tension between them, and opts for not speaking to one another instead of dealing with the issues head on.

These are the couples who eat dinner together without saying a word, who take passive-aggressive jabs at each other, but never actually get to the root of any of the hostility they feel toward each other.

This is poison for your relationship.

In fact, Washington University psychologist John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute, found that this very behavior was a leading factor in couples that eventually end up getting a divorce. He says:

“With couples who divorce later, this results from people agreeing to disagree… withdrawing from conflict. They can stay together longer, but then around midlife they start having this realization that their life is very empty.”

That emptiness he describes is basically a lack of connection to your spouse, and that happens because all of those unresolved conflicts – all those times you agreed to disagree – have built into a barrier between the two of you.

All of those times you both just walked away from an issue, a few things happen:

• it built up a little bit of resentment
• it pushed you just a little bit further apart
• eventually that gap between you is so wide because you’ve agreed to live in perpetual disagreement

But even if that’s the way you’ve been dealing with problems, it’s not too late to develop better habits.

The first step is breaking the cycle.

You have to recognize that this is an unhealthy approach to dealing with your problems, and decide that your new method will be to resolve things...

Even if it means having a tough conversation, if it means compromising, even if it means not always getting your way.

The next step – and this is the hardest part – is doing a little bit of backtracking.

The longer this has been going on, the harder it will be, but you can look back over the history of your marriage for times when you and your spouse left a problem alone to rot, and tackle it now.

This doesn’t mean dredging up past arguments or looking for skeletons in each other’s closets, it means finding those nagging issues that are still affecting you both today, and finally admitting that something needs to change for both of you.

Don’t run away from arguments or disagreements.

Don’t just sweep them under the rug and hope they’ll go away on their own – they won’t.

Even if it’s tough, talk to your spouse about what’s bothering you, and be receptive (not defensive) when they talk about what’s bothering them. With some patience and some diligence, you can get to the bottom of your disagreements and work together to find solutions.

This will make your communication stronger (with a little practice), bring you closer together, and make the day-to-day functions of your marriage work so much better!

Agreeing to disagree is one of those habits that seems like a good idea at the time. It seems like a quick solution, an easy way out…

But the easy way isn’t always the best way, and can lead to far worse issues down the road. Don’t agree to disagree - instead agree to work your problems out when they arise. Your marriage will be better off in the long run.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

The problems are in the past, so why does it feel like they're here in the present?

When massive events rattle your marriage – whether it’s an affair, a huge fight, some secret coming to light, or anything else that throws a wrench into the stability of your relationship – one of the hardest parts is the aftermath.

Once the marriage has been rattled like that, the whole dynamic changes, at least temporarily.

Especially when the bulk of “fault” rests with one person, and it falls to the other spouse to offer forgiveness, it creates an uncomfortable imbalance in the relationship.

One spouse is, more or less, at the mercy of the other. The person who made the major mistake or misstep simply has to explain themselves as best they can, and hope the other person is willing to forgive them.

Without such forgiveness, the marriage will never be able to move forward.

Because forgiveness is so important to reconciliation and moving forward with the marriage, the person in the position to forgive actually holds quite a bit of power. It’s power to control the future of the marriage – for good or otherwise – by choosing whether to offer forgiveness, or to hold on to hurt and keep problems alive.

It’s ultimately on the “offended party” to determine how the rest of the relationship will unfold.

Are you too afraid to forgive your spouse?

Are you too afraid to forgive your spouse?

Forgiveness, however, is not necessarily an easy process.

We generally break down the process into 7 steps for the person seeking to be forgiven:

1. Determine what actually happened
2. Figure out why it happened
3. Sincerely express regret
4. Accept responsibility
5. Make every effort not to do it again
6. Make amends
7. Request forgiveness

So, even if your spouse effectively completes those 7 steps, the last component is merely a request. It’s up to you to decide if they’ve met your expectations, and if you want to “grant their request” for forgiveness.

Meeting that request, however, can be a little scary.

It can feel like you’re risking being hurt again, it can feel like you’re somehow telling your spouse that their past actions are acceptable, and even if you’re not directly aware of it, it feels like you’re relinquishing some of the power you currently hold over the marriage.

First of all, there are always risks.

No one can 100% guarantee that they’ll never hurt you again. Getting over that hurdle is about evaluating how genuine their apology and regret is, and allowing yourself to decide that a strong relationship with the person you already married is worth a shot, even if things have been rough in the past.

Secondly, forgiveness is not forgetting.

By forgiving your spouse for their transgressions, you’re not telling them that what they did was ok, but rather that the future of the relationship is more important to you than the problems of the past.

Now, about giving up the power…

In a strong, healthy marriage, neither of you should hold power over the other.

It’s ok to take your time making up your mind, but you can’t hold your spouse hostage.

If they are waiting for you to decide about forgiving, you’re holding power – and no matter how scared you might be to make a decision, it’s no good for you marriage to lord that power over your spouse for too long.

Getting over past hurt is always going to be difficult and scary, but you can, with communication and an agreement to avoid the scenarios that lead to the problems, forgive your spouse confidently.

Let go of the power you hold when deciding whether or not to forgive, and exchange for the joint power you both possess when you’re committed to making your marriage the best it can be.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Do you consider yourself unhappy?

A term like “unhappiness” is broad…

We know what it feels like, but do we always know why?

Or, to take it even further – when we think we know the cause of our unhappiness, how often are we 100% correct?

In many cases, unhappiness seems bigger than one single issue anyway. Instead, it’s more of an overall sensation of dissatisfaction, where you can’t quite put your finger on one thing that’s making you unhappy, but rather everything has the potential to make that dissatisfaction “flare up.”

If that sounds familiar, you may very well be experiencing actual depression, not just marital dissatisfaction.

It’s a lot more common than most people think, and couples around the world mistakenly point to their marriages as a cause of unhappiness – instead of the other way around. Bad marriages, for many people, are not making them feel depressed.

In fact, quite the opposite is happening: depression is making their marriage unhealthy.

Are you unhappily married or depressed?

Are you unhappily married or depressed?

So many people get caught up in a fantasy of a better life, a new spouse, a different house… some projection of a life far superior to the one they have, but they don’t stop to think about why they’re feeling that way.

Is life actually dissatisfying to that degree, that you’re willing to throw away everything you have in pursuit of something else – or is your brain chemistry just making you feel unhappy/depressed in a general way, and you’re therefore blaming the things closest to you (like your spouse, your job, etc.).

Depression comes in varying degrees of severity, and goes largely undiagnosed in many, many people.

Such “mood disorders,” can prevent people from seeing the good in their lives, and worse, can lead them to blaming their spouses for their unhappiness.

In these situations, when people don’t understand that their unhappiness may have a neurological and chemical source, they have a difficult time even seeing areas of the marriage they can work on, knowing where to start, or even seeing improvements as a viable possibility.

On the other hand, however, when depression is diagnosed – or just recognized as a possible source of unhappiness – people can acknowledge that the problem is internal.

Just acknowledging the possibility of depression, then, can become a way to overcome the way it affects the relationship.

People can:

• explore treatment
• admit to their spouse when they are feeling low
• look to their marriages as a way to counteract the depression by seeking happiness, new experiences, and positivity in the relationship

The very first step to overcoming depression is recognizing that it might be a problem.

If you can’t identify specific issues in your marriage that are making you unhappy, consider that real, clinically diagnosable depression may be taking a toll on your relationship.

Talk to your spouse about it, talk to your doctor about it, be open and honest about how you’re feeling, and don’t just look for things to blame.

Depression could be tearing your marriage apart without you even knowing it, so if happiness seems all but unattainable, take a step back and consider that your brain just might be working against you.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

You Really Can Live Happily Ever After. Watch This Video Now

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

In an adventure that’s been making headlines, including a recent Time Magazine story, a 40-year-old Indiana writer is embarking on a massive undertaking – to ride his bicycle from coast to coast.

This man, Eric Hites, felt like his life was in shambles – at the time of his fortieth birthday, his marriage was falling apart and he was extremely unhappy with his health and appearance.

At the outset of his coast-to-coast ride, he weighed 560 pounds.

His journey is inspired by a desire to transform, for both himself and for his wife.

Not only is he gathering material for his next book, he’s also making this huge effort to lose weight, get in better shape, test his willpower, and give his marriage a much-needed boost in the right direction.

Show some dedication and save your marriage!

Show some dedication and save your marriage!

Because of his weight, Hites says that he was depressed and grumpy, and that it was putting serious strain on his marriage. A big part of taking on this journey is to show his wife (and himself) how committed he is to getting his health and the marriage back on track.

Over the first 90 miles of his trip, Eric shed a whopping 60 pounds, and is gaining stamina and strength every day.

He hopes to inspire people to dedicate themselves to challenges, no matter how big they might seem, and to help people see the importance of their health, their marriages, and how the two are related.

We applaud Eric for taking on such a challenge, and of course wish him the best of luck on his long, difficult trip.

For everyone reading this, perhaps this story can be just the motivation you need to make a big change in your own life, to tackle something you’ve been putting off, to own up to a problem in your marriage.

If Eric Hites is brave enough, motivated enough to embark on a cross-country journey to transform his body, his marriage, and likely, the way he sees the world – can’t we all do something even half as courageous?

Take a good look around your own life. If there are things that you wish were different, what are you waiting for? It might be scary, it might be hard work, and you might not even succeed on your first try!

All of that is just fine – because it’s making the effort that matters. If you decide to make an improvement in your life, every step you take – faltering or not – is a step in the right direction.

Eric Hites has already run into challenges, some bike malfunctions that put an unwelcome pause in the first leg of his journey... but it didn’t stop him. Another bike and a little bit of help from some kind strangers, and he’s back on the road!

Any big change is going to have some setbacks, but pressing on through them and staying on track is vital to success.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Did you know that women file for divorce twice as often as men?

Statistically, women buy more marriage books, visit more counselors, and are far more vocal about the problems they might be experiencing.

The most common reasons, however, are not what you might expect – it’s not because men are more likely to cheat, or because of major problems with money or family.

Instead, the cause is a vast disparity in expectation, and the root of it lies in some major differences in the way many men and women think about marriages.

To put it simply, women are leaving their marriages because of what they perceive as emotional neglect.

Now, it’s true that some couples do in fact neglect one another emotionally, but for our purposes here today, we’re focusing on the chasm between expectation and reality.

Without falling too hard into stereotypes, women are far more likely to see their husbands as aloof, as not fully caring about emotional needs, as spending too much time away from home, as “ignoring” their wives when they spend time together, as being self absorbed, and so on…

This illuminates a giant problem with communication – because from the typical male perspective, so many of those complaints (or the attitude/mental space that brings them about) make men feel like:

• their wives have unrealistic expectations
• that they can’t be themselves
• that they can’t put time and effort into their own interests or spend a day alone without being nagged…

Where women might think their husbands are intentionally ignoring them, or have complaints that their husbands never call to check up on them, never apologize when feelings are hurt, etc. – their husbands may hold a very opposite view, and not even be aware that their wives feel that way!

It comes down to the differences in the way most men and women operate.

Women, typically more emotionally oriented, are looking for emotional support and contact that their husbands aren’t aware that they aren’t providing.

Most wives leave their husbands due to emotional neglect.

Most wives leave their husbands due to emotional neglect.

Men may have the view that they are supposed to be breadwinners, handymen, fathers, sexual partners, and plenty of other things...

But they may not very often consider themselves to be the emotional support their wives expect them to be – or even know how to because of their own emotional nature.

Because of this disparity, it can feel (for husbands) as though the efforts they do put forth are totally overlooked, that their contributions to the household are taken for granted, and that their wives are too needy.

When wives are complaining about their husbands’ lack of emotional investment, it can feel like they are asking their husbands to work harder, to do more...

It can feel like they’re being told that they aren’t good enough, and this blow to the ego can make them withdraw even further.

So, with all of this confusion between what women expect and how men tend to behave, it’s no wonder that an emotional gap is at the heart of so many women’s marital complaints.

Resolving this issue, however, is MUCH easier than it might seem!

Realigning expectations is the name of the game here. For women, understand that your husband might not be aware of how you feel, and that even telling him directly might not fully change the way he behaves.

For men, understand that your wife has different emotional needs than you do, and that part of being a loving husband is doing your best to meet those needs.

Now, this is the part that takes compromise and shifting expectations:

Wives can’t expect their husbands to transform into their emotional mirrors, who think and feel in the same way they do, or even approach emotional connections in the same way.

Husbands can’t expect their wives to just bury their own emotional needs and “think like a man” either – where communication is matter of fact, affection is generally sexual, and to be perfectly frank, personal identity is usually formed outside of the context of spousehood.

Some of this male/female dynamic is just the way we’re hardwired, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t all work toward better understanding and a happy middle ground.

If this perceived emotional neglect (even if it isn’t intentional) is the main reason women want to leave marriages, it’s definitely a large enough issue to address – even if it hasn’t yet become a problem in your own relationship.

Just talk to your spouse, recognize that you won’t always have the same emotional needs or thought patterns, and do everything you can to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

You may never be on the exact same page emotionally, but understanding where your spouse is coming from can make all the difference.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,