As the title of this blog suggests, the most commonly raised problem with porn usually comes from wives who think their husbands are watching too much, are too interested, etc.

…But before we even dig into it, let’s first establish that every couple is going to be different, and that every individual is going to think about pornography differently. There are, however, very real consequences to consuming “too much” (again, this will be a little different for everyone).

As a broad generalization, it’s pretty safe to say that men tend to watch more than women, and feel less concerned about the impact it may have on the marriage. This difference of opinion (not to mention the porn itself) can cause trouble.

If you think your husband is watching too much porn, and raise the issue (or tell him to stop), he likely resists - and the result is not only dysfunction in your sex life, but also an argument over how that dysfunction can be addressed and resolved.

So, first things first: We’re not here to cast judgment and say whether looking at pornography is right or wrong – that’s a choice you have to make personally and as a couple… And we’re not here to determine “how much” is appropriate.

Is your husband watching too much porn?

Is your husband watching too much porn?

If you do have to have this conversation with your spouse, though, there are a few points you can bring up beyond “not liking it.” There’s absolutely no denying that porn - and more specifically, too much porn – has a negative effect on sexual health and the connection between spouses. Here’s why:

1. Unrealistic Expectations

Just like people in other forms of “entertainment,” porn stars and producers are in the business of selling appearance. This means that both the men and women featured in many kinds of pornography are not at all representative of average or “normal” appearances. Their actions, clothing, bodies, etc. are all hyper-sexualized to create a world of fantasy.

If this fantasy version of sex and sexuality starts to seem like the norm, people’s expectations can be drastically skewed. They may feel disappointed in their own bodies or their partner’s, they may have misconceptions about what their partner finds pleasurable, and they may lose sight of “real” sexuality by comparing experiences to what they’ve come to expect from this fantasy world.

2. Lost Emotional Connection

Porn is all about sex, and not about any of the emotional components that accompany the physical act. There’s no place for intimacy, love, and trust in most pornography, but these are some of the most important parts of a healthy sex life in a marriage. By glossing right over these essential, connection-building elements, porn can indirectly teach people that they are unimportant, and that all of the focus should be on sex itself. The results are emotional distance during sex, and perhaps worse, neglecting the other romantic, emotional, intimate connection that should be nurtured outside of the bedroom as well.

3. Changing Appetites

Just as expectations can be skewed, the physical manifestation of this damage has to do with actually changing the arousal process. Almost like a drug, there’s an issue of building tolerance here. Something novel and exciting (one of the reasons many people turn to porn for fantasy fulfillment) won’t stay “new” forever – eventually it also becomes common place, and people need to find something “stronger” to get a “fix.”

This can also happen with in person sexual relationships, of course, without any negative influence from pornography, but because it’s so impersonal and available at the click of a button, people are much more likely to find themselves indulging – and continuing to seek that next new thing. Unfortunately, this doesn’t quite gel with real people.

Now, there are many other problems that can arise from true addiction to pornography, but the problems mentioned here don’t even characterize an addiction, they are simply some of the side effects of allowing yourself to put too much stock in a fantasy world, and letting it change the way you think about real sex (because as real as it may seem, porn is NOT “real sex”).

Your husband (or wife) may not be exhibiting these signs yet, but if you want to have an honest discussion with them about their porn habits, these are important things to bring up.

If you talk to your spouse honestly, letting them know how it makes you feel, discussing the possible negative consequences they may be facing, and asking that they make the choice to avoid it for your sake (and also for their own), you’re addressing the issue in a constructive, communicative way.

It’s a touchy subject, so you may have trouble talking about it – and that’s a big part of why people react with panic, or assume the worst when they think they other person is overindulging.

When faced with this problem, regardless of which side you may be on, remember that the key to overcoming these problems is communication – talking about where you sexual needs may lie, what may be missing from the bedroom, how porn affects the way you feel about yourself and your partner, the potential problems listed here, and any other part of the topic that bears discussion.

After you’ve had a chance to truly discuss the issue at hand, agree to make decisions that are the best for everyone involved… Even if that means that both of you have to make some concessions.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Every year, people across the globe celebrate Earth Day on April 22nd. On this day, activists and concerned citizens spread awareness about the importance of preserving our natural environment, protecting the earth from pollution and damage, and the little things we can all do to help keep the planet in good shape!

Small efforts can have a big impact, too – especially when they become habits. Things like recycling, walking/biking instead of driving, using reusable shopping bags, being mindful of water usage, and even fitting your home with energy efficient and resource saving light bulbs, windows, etc.

Give your relationship new life this Spring!

Give your relationship new life this Spring!

Earth day is wonderful for awareness and large-scale events, but to really make a positive impact, we have to make efforts to both maintain and improve the planet in an ongoing way. We can’t just think about this stuff on Earth Day…

This is actually a pretty amazing metaphor for maintaining a marriage as well!

Just think about it – we can “recycle” our happy memories to remind ourselves why we first fell in love (and why it’s worth it to stay connected), we can “plant” beautiful new experiences by getting out and enjoying life together, and just like the small efforts we can make around the house to reduce our carbon footprints, we can build small habits that keep our marriages healthy and happy over the course of each year.

Giving each other compliments, spending quality time together (away from distractions), making sure to hug, kiss, and otherwise engage in regular physical contact, communicating honestly and openly, and simply making the effort to keep your marriage a daily priority – all of these are practices you can develop to “insulate” your marriage against growing apart or unnecessary conflict.

And like Earth Day, we have holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays that give us extra reasons to celebrate or remind us of the importance connecting to our spouses, but to really make a difference, it takes a little bit of effort every day!

This planet is our home, and it’s the only one we’ve got. Taking good care of it ensures our long-term happiness (not to mention survival). Your marriage has some parallels. It IS a defining part of your life, and taking care of it is the only way to make sure it survives and thrives!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

You Really Can Live Happily Ever After. Watch This Video Now


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

Marriages are supposed to be close. You and your spouse should enjoy each other’s company, spend quality time together, communicate, and so on… But is there such thing as trying to be too close?

It goes by a few names - smothering, clinging, etc. - but we know the feeling when we experience it. It’s the subtle difference between having a partner interested and involved in your life, and feeling an overbearing presence you just can’t get away from.

To make matters worse, the people who engage in this kind of behavior often don’t even know they’re doing it! They may just be following their gut, doing the things that feel right to them, with little to no awareness that they are driving their spouse crazy with hovering attention and smothering attempts at closeness.

Are you too smothering?

Are you too smothering?

So, today we’re looking at signs you might be smothering your spouse - or at the very least, doing things that make them uncomfortable. It might feel like you’re just trying to stay close, but you may very well be pushing them away. Here are four important warning signs:

1. You’re Socially Selfish

This is often the first place “smothering” tendencies show themselves. If you feel resentful or angry when your spouse goes out with friends, has engagements that don’t involve you, or otherwise enjoys social time without bringing you along, this could be a serious problem.

Of course you should spend time together, but it doesn’t have to be every waking moment. Having separate social lives allows you to both grow as individuals, as well as gain experiences you can talk about later. If you do every little thing together, what do you have to talk about?

Additionally, we all need time to decompress, to spend time with people outside of the marriage, to do things that we’re interested in - but our spouse might not be. This doesn’t mean that you should block each other out or lead entirely separate social lives, just that it’s normal (and healthy) to be able to explore your own interests, and to spend time apart without hurting the relationship.

2. Obsessing Over Communication

Another big sign that you might be smothering your spouse: you’re constantly concerned with when they’re going to text back, why they haven’t returned your call or answered your email, and other unreasonable expectations for communication. If it upsets you that it takes them 10 minutes to respond to your text, but you aren’t considering any other circumstances, take a step back and think rationally about the scenario.

If your spouse is at work, out with friends, travelling, or really, doing anything else, it’s unfair to expect them to respond at the drop of a hat. They may not see the message, be mid-conversation, not have service, be navigating traffic, etc. Think about your own life - are you always ready to drop whatever you’re doing to answer a call or respond to a text?

These kinds of concerns stress you out unnecessarily, and place unrealistic expectations on your spouse. If you’re constantly giving them a hard time about how long it took to respond, it’s bound to breed some resentment.

3. Compulsive Questions

It’s good to take an active interest in each other’s lives. It’s healthy to ask questions about feelings, about work, about the stressors that might be affecting your spouse’s life. In many cases, it shows caring and concern, and reminds your spouse that their wellbeing is important to you…

There is, however, a line you can cross - and that’s going to be a little different for everyone. The typical culprit for crossing into problem territory is when the questions start looking like “keeping tabs” on your spouse. It’s one thing to ask them if they had a nice time out with their friends, it’s another thing entirely to pry about where they were, for how long, who else was there, what they talked about, what time they left, and so on.

If your questions are rooted in your own concerns about what they’ve been doing, it comes off as distrust, not interest. Think about why you’re asking the questions, and how it might be perceived on the other end. Again, we’re not suggesting that you forego asking questions - just that you be aware of how deep you’re probing… And why.

4. Assuming The Worst

This one’s tied to the communication obsession listed above, but can show itself in other ways as well. If you don’t hear back from a call or text message, or your spouse hasn’t checked in by a specified time, and you begin to assume all of the worst things - this is NOT healthy for your relationship.

Sure, being concerned about your spouse’s welfare is a good thing, but when it becomes assumptions of the worst kind, you’re likely doing more damage than good. This could manifest itself as assuming all kinds of disasters - car accidents and the like - which will make you overly worried and stressed out, ultimately making you unhappy… When you finally do hear from your spouse, you’ll take that stress out on them, actually blaming them for making you feel that way. This means you’re getting upset AND placing blame for being upset on something almost entirely out of your spouse’s control. It’s not their fault you jumped to conclusions or got yourself worrying, and when you place blame on them for your stresses, they may begin to resent you for it - or at the very least, act defensively.

This “assuming the worst” can also show itself as a lack of trust. Instead of assuming some disaster has befallen your spouse, you instead imagine that any time you don’t hear from them or they get home late, they’ve been doing something suspicious. If relationships are supposed to be based on trust, this poses all kinds of problems for the health of marriage.

First, it says to your spouse directly, “I don’t trust you.” Second, it creates countless scenarios of all the things your spouse might be (but probably isn’t) doing. If you’re stressing because you don’t know where they are or what they’re doing, and imagining all the worst scenarios, you wind yourself up, get upset with your spouse about things they likely haven’t done, and project all that stress on to them the moment they get home.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t signs to suspect infidelity, or that you should give your spouse a free pass for ignoring your calls… You can, however, give them the benefit of the doubt and understand that sometimes people run late, are indisposed, can’t call back, or simply forget - and that doesn’t mean they’ve suffered a disaster or are sneaking around behind your back.

The whole point here is to be more aware of your own actions, and to evaluate your behavior from your spouse’s perspective. How would you feel if they were keeping tabs on you? If they were counting the minutes between messages? If they automatically assumed you were doing something suspicious? It’s safe to say that most people don’t like to be treated this way, and it’s up to you to be able to check your own behavior.

Staying connected, communicating, and keeping each other in the loop is an essential part of a healthy marriage, but when it crosses into smothering, jealous, or otherwise unreasonable behavior, it does far more damage than good. Be aware of your own actions, ask yourself: “Is this helping or hurting my marriage?”

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

Men and women are pretty equally likely to be unfaithful, but because of the differences in the way their brains and bodies operate, the motivations aren’t always quite the same – and the warning signs can be even more “gender specific.”

With that in mind, we’ve put together 10 warning signs that a wife may be cheating on her husband, but it’s important to remember that these are just warning signs – not guarantees that she’s cheating, and not behaviors that are totally exclusive to women.

Be watchful for these warning signs – they may indicate a serious problem in your marriage:

1. Checked Out

It’s hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. She doesn’t seem to care, she doesn’t respond, she seems bored and resentful – she’s simply “checked out” of the relationship. When she’s emotionally disconnected from the marriage, it opens the door for looking for excitement and connection elsewhere.

Are you afraid your wife might be cheating?

Are you afraid your wife might be cheating?

2. Mystery Friends

If she has a new friend that you’ve never met, and seems to want to spend all her time with this mysterious person, it could be a major warning sign for a couple of different reasons.

First, the “friend” could actually be a secret lover, but the second reason is also disconcerting – it may not be cheating, but it may be a single friend who wants a “wing woman” (and vice versa), and that’s certainly wandering into unfaithful territory.

3. Unpredictable Plan Changes

If she goes out “with a friend” and gives you an estimate when she’ll be home – only to call in the middle of the night to say she’s staying with her friend, it’s a little suspicious, especially if it happens often.
In the same vein, if she’s planning an outing but it suddenly falls through – but she won’t tell you why – she may be making plans with someone she doesn’t want you to know about.

4. Asking For Space

Sometimes this can be totally harmless, and just a chance for her to cool off if you’ve been fighting – but if she’s asking for a lot of space, particularly at night or on the weekends, she may very well be asking for the “space” to go meet up with someone else…

5. Accusing You

This is one that both genders have very much in common, and it comes down to simple psychological projection. In order to get away from their own feelings of guilt, people will accuse their partners of infidelity to shift any suspicion or blame away from themselves.

If your wife accuses you of cheating, but doesn’t have any reasons to back it up – the reason may very well be that she’s cheating herself.

6. Hints About Unhappiness

If she’s dropping hints about an unsure future, about lack of romance, about how unhappy she is – she might also be telling you that she’s looking for those things elsewhere. Especially if she’s mostly complaining, but not asking for any solutions, she may be indicating that she doesn’t expect a change from you – she wants to find those qualities in someone else… Or already has.

7. Dressing Up When She Didn’t Use To

If your wife used to go to class or work (or even just out on errands) without putting a lot of effort into her appearance, but is suddenly making a great effort to look her best when she goes those places – there’s a chance that she’s met someone she’s trying to impress, or at the very least, wants to make sure she looks her best in case she runs into a potential suitor.

This one can be hard to gauge, but if the change seems sudden and/or drastic, you likely have some cause for concern.

8. Lack of Intimacy

If she’s giving you excuses in the bedroom, dancing around the subject, and avoiding your advances without giving you any viable reasons (other than typical, non-specific reasons like being too tired, not feeling well, etc.), it just might be because she’s already involved in a sexual relationship with another man.

9. Outside Opinions

Your friends, your wife’s friends, and your family can offer valuable outside perspective on your marriage. They may not always be right, or truly the know the details of a given situation, but if they have suspicions about infidelity, their opinions are probably worth taking seriously. If even they can see the signs from the outside looking in, there’s probably something going on.

10. Keeping Tabs On You

If she suddenly has an increased interest in knowing where you are and what you’re doing at any given time throughout the day – it probably isn’t because she’s curious about your day, it’s because she needs to cover her tracks. They don’t want to unwittingly run in to you while they’re doing something unfaithful, so they need to keep a close watch on where you’ll be, and avoid those places at all costs. She might be making her plans around your schedule.

Remember, these are just signs, not hardline rules. If you suspect infidelity in your marriage, it’s not too late to stop it, and it doesn’t mean that the marriage is ruined. The first step to recovery and rebuilding is owning up to the problems. If you suspect your wife (or husband) is cheating, say something!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

Infidelity is very real threat to the stability of many marriages – or perhaps more accurately, when marriages become unstable, they also become susceptible to the conditions and behaviors that lead to affairs.

For this reason, couples having trouble in their relationships may also become suspicious of one another’s behavior. Certain signs can help you determine if those suspicions are well founded. Today, we’ll look at some of the typical things men say when they are being unfaithful.

Now, these don’t necessarily mean your husband is cheating, but if he’s saying these things, you certainly have a reason to be concerned.

1. Just A Friend

If there’s a female in his life that you haven’t met, that he hasn’t so much as mentioned in passing until you found out about her (however that may have happened), and when you ask – he immediately responds with “she’s just a friend…”

Are you worried your man is cheating?

Are you worried your man is cheating?

She’s likely more than a friend.

2. That’s Private

If your husband is suddenly becoming more protective of his privacy – access to his phone, emails or messages he might be typing on the computer, taking phone calls in the other room – and only explaining himself by demanding privacy for privacy’s sake…

You have some reason to be suspicious about his behavior, and who he might be talking to that demands such privacy.

3. You’re Cheating On Me

When people feel guilty (or worry that they might get caught), they project their guilt onto other people, and go to extreme measures to shift any blame or suspicion away from themselves.

If your husband accuses you of cheating out of the blue – or if accusations are his response to your questions about his behavior – it only lends more credibility to your suspicions. It’s just classic defensive behavior.

4. It’s Your Fault

Another “classic” defense mechanism is to blame you for not being good enough, for driving him away, for not living up to his expectations, etc. While this is a potential problem in terms of both parties having their physical and emotional needs met, this kind of blame is different.

Instead of coming to you with concerns or being open about ways he’s not feeling fulfilled, this kind of finger pointing is rationalizing his behavior without addressing any of his own responsibility for the marriage.

5. I’ll Take Care Of It

Last but not least, a big red flag comes with a sudden upswing in “responsibility” around the house – particularly when it comes to doing his own laundry, rushing to clean out his car, or going to extra lengths to keep certain areas or items tidy…

If this is out of character or starts to happen suddenly, it’s likely because he’s trying to cover up any evidence of meeting with another woman.

If you think your husband is cheating on you, you’ll likely be very upset – and while it IS painful, and it WILL be difficult to get through, you absolutely can overcome the hurt and get your marriage back on track.

Understand that infidelity, even if committed by one person, is the result of discord in the marriage, and you are both responsible for it. Approach your husband with honesty and find out what’s missing from the marriage – this is the first step to getting back to a place of strength and happiness.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

In the previous post, we looked at a few ways couples can reconnect after a gradual drift apart. This kind of divide can happen for range of reasons, but most often, it’s because couples aren’t aware of it happening until it’s too late - because they aren’t actively participating in keeping their connection thriving.

Today, we’re covering three more important tips for keeping your bond strong, and repairing it when it has weakened with time.

1. Plan Down Time

We often talk about the importance of quality time together, and suggest getting outdoors, trying new things, and so on - but it’s also important to relax together. This is your time to snuggle up, not worry about the kids or the bills, and connect as a couple. It’s a great idea to work this into your morning or nighttime routine (or both)!

Are you and your spouse growing distant?

Are you and your spouse growing distant?

Instead of looking at your phones or doing separate activities, take this time to unwind together. The more consistently you do it, the easier you’ll find it to open up, relax, and truly enjoy one another’s company.

2. Take an Interest

While you and your spouse likely have some things in common, you probably don’t share all of the same interests or hobbies. To rekindle (and preserve) your connection to one another, learn about each other’s pastimes!

This doesn’t mean you need to go to every softball game or master photography, just ask questions, go along once in awhile, and take a real interest in the things your spouse enjoys. Offer to share your own interests as well.

Your spouse will feel appreciated, you’ll be spending quality time together, and you’ll likely learn a few things too!

3. Plan Business Time

The other side of today’s first tip, it’s also great for your marriage to plan out the time you spent discussing “family business.” The time you spend doing this is, in some ways, still helping to build your connection, but this is more about NOT letting “business” talk interfere with the other quality time you spend together.

As much as we’d like for marriages to be all love and romance, there are responsibilities that you’ll have to share, logistics to figure out, and business to handle. You’ve got to get the kids where they need to be, pay the bills, plan home repairs, work out your budget, get groceries, and on and on… This stuff isn’t sexy or exciting, but it has to be done. It also has plenty of potential to lead to stress you out - and even lead to arguments.

If you set aside time to talk about this stuff, it’s less likely to come up out of nowhere and disrupt otherwise pleasant conversations. It’s also a reason to “table” an issue until you’re sitting down to discuss finances or other logistics (unless it’s an emergency, of course).

When you schedule time for these types of talks, you’ll both come prepared to talk business - instead of bringing these things up when they are problems or pressing issues (and emotions are running high because of it).

Not only will you grow as a couple working together on the business side of things, you’ll also improve other aspects of your marriage by keeping this part of the relationship in a box of its own.

Seriously consider adding these idea and routines into your marriage. The more often you put these things into practice, the easier they become. Take steps today to start bringing your marriage back together, no matter how long you’ve felt disconnected. You can build a happy, healthy marriage with the person you’re already married to - you just have to be willing to try!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

You Really Can Live Happily Ever After. Watch This Video Now


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

It’s only natural to have some ups and downs over the course of your marriage, but unfortunately, many couples start to settle into some of the “downs” after years together, taking their slowly withering marriage as a normal “settling,” and never putting the effort into rekindling their excitement for each other…

While they may be a certain amount of “calming” to be expected as time goes by, and you may never recapture the fevered excitement of your early days together, you absolutely can grow closer together. If you’ve been drifting apart over the years, here are a few ways to get back on track:

1. Actually SEE Each Other

Sure, you “see” each other every day. You share a home, you eat dinner, you go about your routines... And all the while, you probably don’t stop to truly look at your spouse, to pause and reflect on this person you love, that you’ve chosen to spend your life with.

Are you drifting apart from your spouse?

Are you drifting apart from your spouse?

Plant the seed in your mind, and take the time to really see each other. If your spouse looks good, tell them so! If seeing them at the breakfast table conjures up fond memories, don’t hold back sharing your thoughts and feelings. The point is to be more engaged in the long standing bond you share, being aware of your positive thoughts and feelings, and sharing them with each other!

2. Learn Something New

Tackling something totally new requires some vulnerability and discomfort - simply because of the nature of new experiences. Fortunately, these are also the moments that our minds and bodies are engaged, we feel excitement, and we’re primed for feeling connected to the people we share such experiences with.

So, with this in mind, try something new! This could be attending a dance class, trying a new sport, trying a challenging recipe for dinner - really anything that makes you feel a little uneasy to try! You’ll have to rely on each other, share a new experience, and come away from it with renewed confidence and connection to each other.

3. Prioritize Your Spouse

Everyone’s busy. Between work and kids, hobbies and friends, things to do around the house, and so much more, it’s easy to put your marriage on the back burner. That, however, exactly how “drifting apart” happens.

Instead of letting all of those other things get in the way of your marriage, do the opposite. Put the marriage first. Prioritize talking to each other, spending time together, and being a source of support and encouragement. With a strong, supportive marriage, you won’t feel so overwhelmed by these other responsibilities, you’ll have a “teammate” to help keep you inspired and motivated throughout the day, and have someone you can relax with, vent to, and share struggles with at the end of a long day. The more connected you feel, the more “in it together” you’ll approach life’s numerous demands.

These are just a few ideas to help you rebuild your feelings of connection and togetherness. Next time, we’ll give you three more ways to come back together - and think of your own as well! Remember the ways you spent time together in your earliest days and years together, talk about ways you can enjoy each other’s company. Putting forth the effort (and making the mental commitment to reconnecting) is the real priority. Don’t let your marriage drift into disconnection!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

Today, we have to dive into a sometimes touchy subject: pornography. Opinions vary wildly about porn… Some people consider it to have absolutely no place in a committed relationship, or at all, while others may use pornographic material to spice up their sex lives. Regardless of how you and your spouse might feel about it, addiction to such explicit material poses a very real threat to relationships and individuals - and many people fail to even recognize the problem.

We’re looking at porn addiction here. If you don’t want your spouse to look at it at all, that’s something you can discuss, but this article is meant to help you identify when usage has grown into something worse, damaging your sex life and the stability of your marriage.

Most people aren’t even comfortable talking about it, much less admitting that they might have a problem.

Are you married to a porn addict?

Are you married to a porn addict?

So, first let’s identify some indicators that your spouse might have an addiction:

1. Lack of Sexual Interest

If your previously healthy sex life has taken a turn for the worst, but you can’t identify any major changes to the relationship or physical health, it’s possible that your spouse is fulfilling their urges with pornography - instead of with you!

If it’s happening regularly, and they’re snubbing your advances, refusing to address the issue, and just don’t seem interested in physical intimacy, they may be developing an addiction.

2. Unrealistic Desires

In somewhat of the opposite effect of our first symptom, too much pornography can also change people’s desires to reflect what they see onscreen. Porn is not a realistic depiction of sex, but as possible consume more and more, it can reframe the way they think about “normal” sex with their spouse.

Pornography can distort how people think about bodies, what they find attractive, and the acts they find desirable. The people in these videos (and the people who make them) go to great lengths amplify sexual appeal - often to the point of body types, anatomy, and activities that are intentionally “extreme.”

If your spouse’s appetites seem to have changed, if they are suddenly critical of your appearance, and seem newly concerned with their own appearance and performance, you might have a problem.

3. Secretive Online Time

A big giveaway of porn addiction is being secretive about internet use. This may include closed/locked doors, constantly cleared browser history, or even just “suspicious” behavior surrounding internet use, time spent alone, etc.

Don’t hesitate to speak up if something seems strange.

4. Changing Behavior

Even outside of the bedroom, keeping secrets (especially of a sexual nature) tends to make people feel and act defensive. If your spouse seems on edge, dodges questions, and is acting like they’re keeping a secret - especially in conjunction with the things mentioned above - you have grounds to suspect a porn addiction.

Now, there are no shortage of damaging effects to cover here, from lost intimacy to unrealistic views of sex and sexuality, but even if the symptoms aren’t totally obvious, relying on pornography (over one another) for satisfaction is going to create a rift in the marriage. If you have an inkling that your spouse has a problem - or that you do - address it as soon as possible.

While it may be a difficult topic to discuss, know that there is help out there. You can seek out local counseling, or even look online for resources. The first big step is to try to change habits. Recognize that it’s a problem, and begin the process of overcoming the addiction together. Get the help you need to keep your marriage intact!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

Not all marital problems are obvious. They don't all have glaring symptoms like blowout arguments or infidelity. Not all “unhealthy” marriages are composed of chronically unhappy people…

Some marriages are what you might call “loveless” - in that they aren't necessarily coming apart at the seams, but they aren't very strong or connected either. Couples in this situation are usually just “going through the motions,” sharing a home and tolerating each other… And not much else.

While this certainly isn't a healthy relationship, it gets worse. For couples living in this kind of environment, disaster is often only a problem or two away. If they aren't sharing an active connection, aren't putting any effort into the marriage, and aren't even aware of how far apart they've grown, one big fight could lead to all of the issues rushing to the surface. If things have gone unaddressed for years, this “opening the floodgates” can be extremely difficult to deal with.

Similarly, these “loveless” marriages are at prime risk for affairs - especially emotional affairs. People want to feel connected, and seek it out naturally, even if they aren't entirely aware of their own actions…

But instead of recounting all of the risks of “loveless” relationships, let's focus on the real point: what to do about it!

1. Make The First Move

If you've been more and more aware of the rift in your marriage, noticing how far you've grown apart, and so on… You have to be the one to bring it up! In so many cases, this exact problem goes unaddressed because neither person wants to start the tough conversation.

Are you stuck in a loveless marriage?

Are you stuck in a loveless marriage?

If you want to get things back on track, or even start the process of making improvements, you have to bring it up directly. You have to talk about it. If you both can't admit that there's a problem, how can you ever start resolving it?

2. Dig Deep

Before you can start rebuilding, you need to address - at least generally - what went wrong. This means getting honest with each other (and yourselves) to unpack the last few years of your relationship. Try to identify where things started to go wrong, what unhealthy habits you may have developed, what moments drove you apart, and what you didn't do to pull the marriage back together.

This won't be the most pleasant conversation, but if you go in with the mindset of repairing your marriage together, you can work through this tough stuff in an effort to find solutions and strategies for moving forward.

3. Reconnect!

Once you've faced the challenge at hand, and agreed with your spouse that something needs to be done about “falling back in love,” the fun begins! Now is the time to rebuild your connection, and that means enjoying each other's company, exploring what it means to be a loving couple, and likely growing as individuals.

These could be some of the most enjoyable and fulfilling times of your life! This is a chance to start over from the beginning with the person you're already married to - a chance to get to know each other all over again. Start small if you have to, with quality time spent together away from distractions.

Go on dates, laugh together, explore each other's hobbies and interests, flirt, show affection… Treat these times like the early days of your relationship, and allow yourself to feel excited!

It may be slow going at first, but if you put in the time and effort, and keep the right attitude, you can make tremendous progress.

As with so many other issues, the first big step is to recognize what's going on, then commit to fixing it together. Couples naturally go through ups and downs, but if the downs have been persisting, it's time to do something about it!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>

In our last entry, we listed some of the ways you can work toward rebuilding your connection to your spouse. These ongoing practices are relatively simple to build into your daily life, and will have big results on how you feel about each other.

Today, we’re going over a few more tips for falling back in love, even if you’ve grown apart over the years. Let’s get right into it.

1. Flirt Often

Maintain sexual desire can be a challenge after you’ve been married for years and years. One great way to keep the fun and anticipation alive is to flirt often, and all day. This means being sweet and flirty as you part ways for work in the morning, sending flirty texts over the course of the day, kissing and fooling around even if it doesn’t lead to the bedroom, and so on.

Fall back in love with your spouse today!

Fall back in love with your spouse today!

This way, “foreplay” can last all day – or even days at a time… Helping you keep each other at the front of your minds, and looking forward to one another’s affections all throughout the day and week.

2. Work It Out

Exercise and fitness are great for so many reasons. It helps you have more energy, boosts self-esteem, makes you look and feel better, strengthens sex drive, and on and on…

It can be tough to develop the habits of regular exercise, but you can support one another if you tackle the challenge together! Not only will you enjoy all of the individual benefits of this healthy activity, you’ll also grow together as a couple. You can help keep each other motivated, be the voice of encouragement when things get tough, and if nothing else, it’s that much more quality time spent together!

It’s ok to start small here, but make getting some exercise (together if possible) a priority. It will impact your life in so many positive ways!

3. Speak Up

If something’s bothering you, speak up! This doesn’t mean complaining at every turn, but rather making it clear to your spouse that the marriage is important, and that you’re willing to address things that need fixing to make it better for both of you. This also includes being willing to receive some criticism, and being open to looking inward for ways to improve the relationship.

The point is build an open channel of communication where both the good and bad things are addressed without causing major ups and downs in how you treat each other!

4. Get Real

This might be a tough one to take to heart, but you’ve got to have realistic expectations for each other and the marriage as a whole. You’re not living in a sitcom or romantic movie… There are going to be ups and downs. Neither of you are perfect. There will be bad moods, illness, stressful times, and we might not always be totally satisfied by every moment together. That’s ok! In fact, that’s REAL!

A strong marriage is about weathering the good and the not-so-good. Recognizing that you’re both human beings with flaws and opinions and off days is going to help you worry less when things aren’t perfect. You’ll be more realistic about the good times and the bad, and armed with that perspective, you’ll be that much more motivated to make things as good as they can be, to support each other on bad days, and to work through struggles together.

Ideally, you’ll incorporate these things into your actions toward one another, but perhaps more importantly, into the way you view your marriage in a general way. Understand that it takes effort to maintain a strong relationship, but that once you’re in motion on the right track, it’s quite easy to keep it going! Get started today!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href="">StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!

You Really Can Live Happily Ever After. Watch This Video Now


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=""> </a>