This weekend, as families across the country are celebrating Father’s Day with gifts and various celebrations, be sure to take a moment to reflect on the real purpose behind this holiday: appreciating the dads in our lives for all that they do.
Dads are sometimes the unsung heroes of the family unit, and while many of them can be tough to buy gifts for (or even tough to open up to), great dads deserve some recognition!
Whether it’s your own father, your grandfather, your brother, a friend, or even someone who has made an impact as a father figure, just taking a moment to thank him for his actions will both warm his heart, and let him know that he’s doing something right!
When you show your appreciation, be specific! Let that special dad know exactly why he means so much to you, tell him the things he does that have a positive impact on your life, and share the memories of your relationship that you hold dearest.
Because dads can have a lot of different roles, from disciplinarian to playmate and everything in between, a “father” can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Whatever the unique relationship your have with the dads in your life, make sure you take the time this weekend to let them know how much you care.
Happy Father's Day!
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
When couples argue, it is all to common for things to get blown out of proportion – for hurtful remarks to be made, old grudges brought up… Why is it so easy to get off topic, to argue about anything and everything other than the issue at hand?
It has to do, in part, with the baggage that we all carry. There are little things that bother us that we may never say anything about. Maybe it’s a chore we do thanklessly, or a spouse’s personality quirk that is starting to grind on our nerves – these things can pile up internally. An argument is often used to open those floodgates, and let all of that negativity come rushing out. This makes it easy to divert the course of the conversation away from the problem that started it, even if it happens unintentionally.
In fact, doing exactly that is a common defense mechanism. When put on the spot for something they’ve done wrong, many people counterattack, bringing up past mistakes made by the other person, dredging up hurtful things to say to turn the focus of the argument away from their own flaws.
When this happens, the argument usually escalates until both people are angry, have their feelings hurt, and are so caught up in the emotionally intense situation that any hope for actually resolving a problem goes right out the window. So much energy is spent attacking and defending, that the root of the problems are never really discussed, and the same issues come back up the next time there is an argument.
This problem has a couple of potential solutions. The most basic, of course, is to try to establish some ground rules for your disagreements – keep things on topic, and when other, loosely related issues arise, table them for discussion in the future. As a preventative measure, talk about the little things when they come up. Don’t just hold on to it for the next fight! If something upsets you, say something – and the two of you can talk about it rationally.
It may also help to understand some of the basic psychology that drives arguments between men and women. While this is not the case every time, some of our age-old programming still has a major effect on the way we deal with one another in the face of conflict.
As a basic need, men want to provide and protect. They want to know that they are valued, needed, and more importantly, that their efforts are adequate – in everything from the bedroom to the money they earn, from their abilities as a father to their “coolness” among their peers. Men typically bristle and act defensively when such adequacy is challenged, even unintentionally.
In equally “ancient” psychological terms, women feel a need for inclusion and understanding. Tension occurs when these needs are threatened in a relationship – when a woman feels isolated or misunderstood by her husband. There is a pretty obvious parallel between these basic psychological needs and the common complaints of husbands “not listening” and “not opening up.”
Understanding these underlying needs may help couples see the source of tensions they are experiencing, as well as find ways to avoid pushing each other’s psychological buttons. Men: don’t shut your wife out. Women: don’t threaten your husband’s adequacy.
These same principles can transcend gender boundaries, too. The ideas of perceived threat and perceived neglect fuel nearly every fight between a couple. It all stems from doing something you shouldn’t (threat) or not doing something you should (neglect).
When couples can take a moment to realize the complex and hardwired psychology beneath their surface disagreements, it will help them to understand the nature of their reactions to one another, to clearly see when they are using defense mechanisms, to take note of what kinds of comments or behaviors activate psychological triggers.
We cannot change the way our brains work, but if we can anticipate our own reactions (and the reactions of our spouses), we may be able to reduce the ferocity of arguments in a major way – ideally solving issues as they arise without pushing one another to feel threatened or neglected.
Does this apply to you and your spouse? Feel threatened or neglected? Please comment below.
For more tips on how to end fighting and feel more love, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
In a study published last year the Journal of Leisure Research, results showed that online gaming can have a negative impact on marriages. This comes as no surprise to most people, but the specifics are a little more interesting. This is especially prevalent in today’s age with smart phones streaming an endless source of distracting information, whether it’s the latest sports score, facebook post or an addicting game.
The common assumption would be that too much time spent gaming would put a strain on marriages, but for many of the people participating in the survey, actual hours spent were not the main concern.
One of the largest problems that couples encountered when one member was an avid online gamer was a disruption of bedtime routines, and the resulting dissatisfaction of not going to bed at the same time.
The disruption of bedtime rituals, it’s safe to assume, can lead to less frequent sexual activity, less communication as couples are winding down the day, and even the simple dissatisfaction of going to bed alone.
Now, the study was specific to the effects of online gaming, but these results seem to implicate a much larger issue. Even if it has nothing to do with video games, what are the adverse effects of not sharing a bedtime routine with your spouse?
It could be any other hobby, but when a leisure activity consistently takes one member of a marriage away from time spent as a couple, there will eventually be negative consequences.
When a hobby like online gaming takes precedent over spending time with your spouse, particularly the connection-building time spent together in bed (even if you’re just sleeping), it can make the other person feel neglected, ignored, and downright unimportant in the face of your other interests.
This isn’t to say that couples need to spend every waking moment together, or that bedtime routines should be so rigid they don’t allow for fluctuations in people’s schedules – this is simply to show the long term importance of sharing some kind of bedtime ritual, and to remind couples to be aware of how their hobbies and use of free time may be affecting the other person.
Like many of the other habits we discuss, going to bed at separate times, or generally ignoring the connective importance of that time of the day will eventually become habit. As those habits form, dissatisfaction builds, and those cycles can be very difficult to break.
To avoid these kinds of problems, you don’t have to give up your hobbies or get ready for bed every time your spouse does. Instead, just be aware of how your routines overlap with your spouse’s, and find some middle ground so you have time to keep your connection strong!
For more tips on resolving conflict and strengthening the bond with your spouse, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Do you and your spouse go to bed at the same time? Are you disconnected because of too much gaming or screen time? Please comment below.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Is your marriage feeling ho-hum? Do you feel like you’re on the wrong path? Are you struggling with long-standing issues in your marriage?
Here at StrongMarriageNow, we pride ourselves on the ability to help you sort through different, recurring problems that are sending your marriage off the rails. There’s something else we specialize in, though, and that’s helping you learn how to prevent the problems before they ever arise!
I’m talking about PROACTIVITY here. We don’t just need to talk about our marriages or improve our behavior when something is awry, we should be working to make them better every day. So I ask the question: “What have you done for your marriage today?”
This daily goal of marriage improvement can be composed of things both large and small: from volunteering to do a chore your spouse usually does to planning and preparing a full-blown candlelight dinner. Sending a sweet text message to put a smile on your spouse’s face is just on tiny thing you can do to make your marriage happier and healthier, and opportunities like these are everywhere!
It comes down to one very simple principle: thinking outside of yourself. If you can do just one little thing each day to make your husband or wife’s day a little bit brighter, then you are off to a great start. Think about what might be stressing them out, or something necessary they may have forgotten about. Pay them compliments. Do them favors. Show them you care.
Looking for ideas for what you can do for your spouse? Think about what they might have complained about. Think about what may be overwhelming for them. The likelihood is that they’ve told you over the years what they like and dislike. The big question is: “Have you been listening?”
When the two of you communicate, try to make mental notes of problems he or she might be having – if it’s something you can help with, be the bigger person and pitch in!
Make a point to strengthen your marriage every day, no matter what stresses you may be going through, regardless of the argument you may have had. When you make kindness, genuine interest, and active communication a part of your daily life (and then put those principles in action), you can bolster your bond and feel more love each and every day.
Want to follow our proven System to get more love and fix your marriage? Check out our StrongMarriageNow System today!
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
A recent survey by the U.S. Travel Association has found that couples who travel together see significant benefits to the quality of their relationship – including improvements to their sex life.
Traveling doesn’t have to mean that you go on an extravagant trip to Paris or a tropical island, it can also mean driving an hour away to a local bed and breakfast or camping at nearby national park.
In a survey of 1,100 U.S. adults, the majority (72%) responded that travel inspires romance, and 28% reported that taking a trip actually improved their sex life (of these respondents, 40% said the improvement was permanent).
This boost to romance, attraction, and a healthy sex life makes perfect sense. Traveling as a couple (especially traveling without the kids) creates an opportunity to spend quality time together without the distractions of daily life.
When you’re on a trip, you probably aren’t worrying about getting the laundry done or who’s going to cook dinner. You’re more relaxed, more “in the moment,” and are more likely to have your own enjoyment on your mind!
There are other factors at work here too, like the sense of adventure and excitement you get from making love in a new place (like a hotel or a bed and breakfast), the amount of time you’ll spend with your spouse, both traveling and at your destination. Another key factor is that your chances of being interrupted by any unexpected events are extremely reduced.
There are plenty of residual benefits to traveling together too!
First, spending a romantic weekend together will have a lasting effect on your connection to one another, even after you’ve returned from your trip. The intangible “warm fuzzies” you feel for your partner, built up through spending time together, focused on each other, won’t just disappear as soon as you get back to normal life.
Chances are, you’ll feel closer than you did before the trip – and those kinds of feelings have a way of perpetuating themselves. The closer you feel, the more affectionate you act. The more affectionate your actions, the closer you feel to your spouse, and so on.
You’ll also have a new set of experiences together, and this has more value than you might think. After a trip together, you’ll have new stories to tell, new inside jokes, and a whole new place/event/experience to talk about with each other. A single trip can resonate with a couple for years!
It should be mentioned that you also have to know how to travel together. To make the most of a trip, whether a full-blown vacation or a romantic night together in the next town over, make sure you have similar expectations. Have a conversation about what you want to do. If one of you wants to sightsee and the other wants to hole up in the hotel all weekend, you’ll be setting yourself up for a mid-trip disagreement if you don’t put those expectations on the table beforehand. Traveling together without being on the same page is a recipe for stress and arguments.
Traveling together, as long as you have shared expectations with your spouse, is a fantastic way to rekindle your connection to one another, give your sex life a boost, and give yourself a chance to feel closer for weeks, months, or even years to come.
It can be a quiet weekend alone or an event-filled week as a tourist – whatever works for you – but no matter what you choose to do, pack your bags, hit the road, and enjoy some quality time together outside of your normal routine!
What would be your ideal vacation with your spouse? Please comment below.
For more ideas on keeping the romance alive and having more fun and excitement, check out our StrongmarriageNow System.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Hollywood superstar Gwyneth Paltrow appears, to many people, to have the perfect life. She’s beautiful, wealthy, decorated with awards, and for followers of her blog, seems to live a lavish life of yoga sessions, trips to France, and red carpet ceremonies.
She recently opened up to Glamour U.K. though, and showed her fans and followers that her life isn’t just a fairy tale – that she’s a person like the rest of us, and that, like many people around the world, her marriage isn’t always smooth sailing.
“It’s hard being married,” she said. “You go through great times, you go through horrible times. We’re the same as any couple.”
Gwyneth is married to Coldplay front man Chris Martin, and says she’s learned more about herself by being married than anything else. She’s learned that she has to give her husband space to meet his creative needs, and she recognizes that each struggle in her relationship is an opportunity to learn and grow.
It’s a healthy reminder that celebs like Paltrow and Martin don’t have perfect relationships, and that they have to work at them just like the rest of us.
Perhaps married couples everywhere can take a cue from this revealing interview, and remember that there is no such thing as perfection – no such thing as a perfect marriage. People have to be actively committed to each other, and to making the relationship work. This means knowing each other’s quirks and needs, and having the strength to find productive solutions when problems arise.
Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, but keeping a positive outlook can help get you through the rough times.
Gwyneth said, “We laugh, we’re good friends, we like to do the same stuff.”
Sometimes reminding yourself of these commonalities is a good way of keeping your marriage in perspective. It may be a lot of work at times, but it’s also a lot of fun at times!
Nobody’s marriage is perfect, despite any appearances. We all have to take an active role to keep our relationships strong, and that means getting to know our partners and ourselves as best we can. Each challenge is a chance to strengthen your marriage, as long as you maintain the right attitude!
For more information on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
We all know the importance of intimacy in marriage – there is plenty of information out there about connecting both physically and emotionally, about how to build trust and communicate, about sharing your heart and soul with the one you love.
Most of the time, though, this kind of advice deals with the heaviest and most serious aspects of marriage: sharing your fears, comforting one another in difficult times, learning the meaning of love and support, etc. And, if you’re experiencing difficulties in your marriage, you’re probably spending a lot of time talking about your problems, which can actually drive more of a wedge between you.
There’s another part of intimacy that is often overlooked, whether your happy in your marriage or not– being fun, spontaneous, and downright silly!
When you have a true connection to someone, you have to be able to laugh with them! No matter who you are, from the most serious scholars to the toughest roughnecks, everyone loves to laugh, and it shows a lot of trust to be able to remain unembarrassed in front of your spouse. From little things like making faces or singing songs to each other, all the way to harmless pranks and ongoing inside jokes – shared laughter helps bring us together.
Laughter helps reduce stress and anxiety, helps reduce physical pain, and fights feelings of depression. When these therapeutic effects are shared with your spouse, bonds are reinforced (consciously and subconsciously) between the two of you – you actually start to associate spending time with your spouse with stress relief! This principle applies in the bedroom too. As laughter causes endorphins to be released in your brain, you’ll find that feelings of insecurity melt away. You will find yourself less likely to be distracted, and emphasizing the “play” in foreplay can help shake up the inevitably routine feeling all married couples experience.
Who says carefree, fun, and playful behavior is just for kids? For some reason, many of us have set aside silly behavior as something for children only, or something that has no place in a romantic relationship. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Romance doesn’t have to be fancy clothes and candlelight dinners. The time you spend alone with your spouse doesn’t have to involve discussing the budget or discussing the news. Play a game! Dance around the house to your favorite upbeat music! Tickle each other, have a pillow fight, build a fort, play in a public fountain – just have some fun! You don’t have to be so grown up all the time.
What do you do in your marriage to maintain your connection to each other? Please comment below.
To learn more about how to reconnect and fall back in love, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
It’s easy to think of holidays in terms of gifts. Regardless of the actual celebration (or reason behind it), many of us just reach straight for our wallets. And even though there are plenty of things that we all want, plenty of physical gifts we’d love to receive, wouldn’t it be nice to receive something a little more personal?
This Mother’s Day, try a slightly different approach when showing your appreciation for the moms in your life. Instead of buying jewelry or flowers, try getting in touch with your true feelings – and use this guide to help you express them in a meaningful way.
This doesn’t mean you can’t buy a gift, but remember that the reason for buying a present is more important than the present itself. Gifts are meant to show appreciation and admiration – but somehow, many of us skip that part and go right to the gift giving.
Try including a note like this in with your Mother’s Day presents:
Step 1: List the top five things that you’re thankful for about her
1. _______________________________________
2. _______________________________________
3. _______________________________________
4. _______________________________________
5. _______________________________________
Step 2: List five special things she does
1. _______________________________________
2. _______________________________________
3. _______________________________________
4. _______________________________________
5. _______________________________________
Sit down and write it in this form:
Dear __________,
This Mother’s Day, I want you to know how thankful I am for you, and all the things you do. I want to take this moment to list the things I love about you.
I am thankful for _________________, _________________, _________________, _________________, and _________________.
I appreciate you because _________________, _________________, __________________, ____________________, and __________________.
Happy Mother’s Day!
I love you,
{Signature}
Using a note like this (or one you’ve written from scratch) is a great way to pause and show your appreciation in a direct way. Sometimes encouragement and recognition are fantastic gifts on their own! Not everything meaningful has to cost money.
Mother’s Day is all about showing appreciation to the moms who raised us, and the moms who raise our children, so before you worry about picking out the right pair of earrings or making that dinner reservation, make sure she knows that you appreciate what she does, that you’re thankful to have her in your life, and that you love her.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
TV producer, talk show host, and former soap opera star Kelly Ripa just celebrated her 17th wedding anniversary with husband and former co-star Mark Consuelos on the first of May.
The two celebs, never known for public scandals or marital drama, are among seemingly few people who make it work, despite the pressures of media attention and the overwhelming schedule of a famous life. Kelly and Mark were married in 1996, when they were both just 25 years old, in an impromptu ceremony in Las Vegas.
Despite all of the factors that make it seem like maybe this marriage wouldn’t work out – young, popular celebrities, no engagement, Vegas wedding, and a long, lucrative careers – this couple has defied the Hollywood odds, and remain happily together (and with three beautiful children to boot)!
Kelly even tweeted a grainy photo of the young couple standing at typical, Vegas-looking altar on their wedding day in 1996!
In a world where we see far too many high-profile breakups and bitter divorces, it’s touching to see that couples can make it – even couples who met through show business!
While we can’t claim to know just what has kept them so happily married over the years, part of their bond is rooted in the support they provide for one another, and accepting that it’s ok to argue about the little things sometimes – as long as you know that it’s just about those “little things.”
This past April, Kelly told People Magazine, “I don’t think you get past the little pet peeves.”
That doesn’t stop her from loving her husband though, and they pair understands that little annoyances can cause tension, but they aren’t the end of the world. “I love everything about him,” she said, “even his annoying habits.”
Letting the little things slide, or perhaps more importantly, remembering that you can have arguments about little things without taking away from your love and support for another, is the hallmark of a strong marriage.
About her marriage with Mark, Kelly said, “We’re secure with each other. I don’t feel like if we have an argument, it will be the end of our lives.”
Kelly and Mark are a shining example of how Hollywood marriages can remain successful, and from the looks of it, it all comes down to devotion to each other.
Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
We all know that marriage takes work – all of the advice out there (and our own experience) makes that perfectly clear – but something the experts don’t really talk about is energy.
We’ve all got busy lives. Between work and kids, chores around the house, and trying to squeeze out just a little bit of time for ourselves, it’s tough to have any steam left at the end of the day!
In a marriage though, harnessing your energy (and taking steps to maximize it) can have hugely beneficial effects!
This encompasses everything from doing the dishes to making love, from communicating to time spent alone. Approaching every day with energy and a sense of purpose can lead to big steps in your overall happiness, and the smooth functioning of your marriage.
Being energetic and positive means having a “can do” attitude, and as cliché as this may sound, it really makes all the difference. If something needs to be done around the house, just do it! If it occurs to you, start making progress right away instead of putting it off.
The same goes for exercise, sex, pet projects, literally anything you might want to do – if you think about it, why not take action?
The problem that many people face is not having the motivation/energy to act like this on a daily basis – but it gets easier the more you do it!
You can make lifestyle changes to give you more energy too, like developing better eating habits, getting more exercise, quitting smoking, etc.
The largest shift is mental – you have to want to do more (for yourself, and for your marriage). The results can be tremendous. When you get in the habit of this approach to daily life, you’ll be more enthusiastic about almost everything, and this includes the marriage itself.
If you’re both doing more around the house, there is less to argue about. If you’re both more active, this will boost your sex life and self-confidence. If you’re both taking on more responsibilities with the kids, you’ll make each other’s job easier!
It has everything to do with taking a proactive role in your life, yielding confidence, happiness, and an almost daily sense of accomplishment. Instead of turning on the TV, get something done! Invest your effort and energy into everything you do, every single day! It will do wonders for you individually, and in turn, for your marriage.
For more tips on a happier, healthier marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
