What To Do When Your Wife Says “I’m Done”


It’s about the last thing any of us wants to hear: that our spouse has officially given up hope for saving and improving the marriage, and is ready to call it quits.

While this may seem like an utterly hopeless scenario, it isn’t. In fact, it may be a wake up call for both of you, even if she isn’t willing to do anything about it. When a marriage has gotten to this point, and you don’t want it to end, this is essentially your final chance to make the big changes required to save your relationship.

If your wife tells you she’s done, it’s your cue to get started (if you haven’t already). This means taking what you know is causing problems, and doing everything in your power to fix what’s broken, change your bad behaviors, and build the marriage that both of you want to have.

Even if she has checked out completely, you can take responsibility for the marriage. This may include tackling things you’ve been putting off for years, taking a hard look in the mirror for what you’re doing to cause problems, and understanding that while you may not be able to fix everything, doing the absolute most you can will help both of you steer the marriage back in the right direction.

This can’t just be talk, either – action is key. You can’t just promise to make changes to reengage your wife in the marriage. Take action and she will see the results!

Ideally, your commitment to positive change will help your wife see how much you care, and how much the marriage means to you. Even if she is resistant, the talks you have about your efforts to change may provide more crucial information about what she needs out of the relationship. Pay close attention when you communicate, and again, take responsibility for seeing changes through.

One person truly can make a difference in rebuilding a marriage, even when the other spouse isn’t putting in any effort. Not only can you improve your own life, your own habits, and your own chances for a happy marriage – your commitment and diligence may very well inspire your disconnected spouse to look at her own contributions to the problems, and begin to take action to repair them.

Stay strong and stay committed. You can make a difference in your marriage – even if you’re the only one willing to put in the work.


For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

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Adams 10 years ago

You can look up what the experts call a successful long term marriage. You can get hundreds of opinions here. The bottom line is that only you and your spouse can determine if you have had a successful long term marriage.

emily 10 years ago

My husband spends far more than what he earsn. Hes manager to get us in 50k of credit card debt, but he won't ever talk about finances. Everything else is great but I don't want to end up in financial doom.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

That's true, Adams. A marriage may not seem happy to others. Only the spouses opinion matters.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

Hi Emily - I know how hard that can be. Finances are the #1 cause for divorce, and with good reason. Here is our section with advice on how to handle money in a marriage. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/money-problems/

Michael Maine 10 years ago

This post was pretty spot on. My wife LOVES the term, "I'm done!" She left our boys and I in February - after my discovery of her having engaged in two different affairs - and we are all devastated. That being said, I love her. I'm still IN love with her. And I am more than willing to 'put in the work' to try and save both our marriage and our family. I can only pray that she wakes up sooner or later and sees that we have BOTH made mistakes in our 16 years together and we need to actually work to fix it. Both for each other and for our kids sakes.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

Hi Michael, I'm sorry to hear your wife has checked but all hope isn't lost yet. Here is some advice on saving your marriage alone: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/get-husband-wife-checked-back-marriage/

I need help 10 years ago

My say she done. She do not talk to me and we live in the same house. I have been sleeping on the couch for many months. She also has people telling her not to be with me.What can I do to get our marriage back......help

Mike_Olsen_SMN 10 years ago

Hi, 'I need' - There is some good advice in this article, or you might also want to read some advice on how to save your marriage if you spouse is checked out - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/get-husband-wife-checked-back-marriage/