Pretty much all couples fight from time to time. Having disagreements or arguments doesn’t mean the relationship is falling apart or that you aren’t a good couple… But not all “fights” are created equal. Some arguments can indicate much larger, much deeper problems that need to be addressed if your marriage is going to survive.
In these two-part series, we’re looking at six fights couples get into when the relationship is truly on the ropes. Hopefully, you can recognize these topics as warning signs. If you’re having similar arguments with your spouse, you could be nearing the brink of disaster – and now’s the time to do something about it!
1. Hyperbolic Accusations
If your fights are descending into accusations of “you always do X” or “you never do Y,” it’s warning sign that you have some seriously unresolved issues. These kinds of blanket statements don’t get at the root of the issue, and mean that you’ve been building up frustration for some time.
If you find yourself doing this, stop! Slow down and focus on what’s bothering you in that moment. If the problem is ongoing, you can treat is such, but be mindful to avoid the “always” and “never” statements. Such accusations don’t allow for discussion or resolution, because you’ve already made up your mind that it’s an unchangeable behavior.
2. Fighting About Not Fighting
If you’re having a conflict, and one of you throws up your arms in despair with statement like, “I don’t want to fight about this anymore,” it’s a big problem. By shutting down, you’re refusing to address the issue and stopping any forward progress.
It’s ok to walk away to calm down for a moment, but if you just give up, the problem will never be solved! It’s important to be respectful and calm, and you can certainly ask your spouse to try to control their temper (as long as you do too), but don’t just stop an argument short because you’re tired of talking about it.
3. “I Feel Like We’re Roommates”
When sex and intimacy fall by the wayside, couples can begin to feel like little more than roommates – and that spells big trouble for the future of the marriage. Fortunately, getting the spark back is something that can be done with time and effort… But if it’s gotten to this point, you and your spouse need to sit down and evaluate the behaviors (and other factors) that are getting in the way of intimacy.
Be honest with one another and deal with one issue at a time. Make a point to remain open to new things, try to be flirtatious and engage in physical touch (even just a hug goodbye in the morning), and be patient.
If either of you brings up the “roommates” problem, it’s time to take action right away.
Next time, we’ll cover three more “fight topics” that indicate dire circumstances in your marriage. Be on the lookout for these warnings, and don’t shy away from solving the problems.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com