It’s no secret that many Americans have a weight problem. I’m not pointing any fingers here, but the data doesn’t lie – the CDC reports that 35.7% of American adults are “obese.”
And while there are plenty of health concerns related to weight (type 2 diabetes, heart disease, etc.), it can also have a serious effect on the quality of your marriage – and many people simply don’t recognize this fact.
In terms of a marriage, weight (and more specifically, being unhealthily overweight) plays an important role in both the physical and psychological components of your relationship. Here’s how:
Being overweight can certainly have an impact on how you feel about yourself. Body image is an important part of our psychological makeup, and if we aren’t happy with the way we look and feel, it starts to take a toll on other areas of our lives. This isn’t to say that you need to have a perfect body, or that everyone who is even remotely overweight is going to have self-esteem issues – but this is a very real problem for many, may people.
When your self-esteem suffers, and you don’t think very highly of yourself, it can make it difficult to accept affection from others. Even if you don’t recognize that it’s happening, if you don’t love yourself, you tend to act as though others shouldn’t either.
Needless to say, if you’re rejecting affection and love from your spouse, it can create some troubles in your marriage.
There’s no delicate way to put this: when you’re not in shape, your energy levels suffer, plain and simple. Your body has to work harder, and the systems at work (your muscles, heart, lungs, etc.) probably aren’t the most efficient – the end result is that you get tired more easily, shy away from challenging or strenuous activity, or worse, settle into sedentary lifestyle.
It takes energy and effort to maintain your marriage though. You and your spouse should be having fun! More energy means more interest in activities with your spouse, more gusto for playing with the kids, and simply more vigor for everyday life!
Just the amount of “get up and go” you have on a daily basis has a direct influence on your marriage. When you’re getting things done around the house, excited about going new places, energetic about new projects, and the like, this kind of forward thinking breeds happiness and marital satisfaction.
The opposite of energetic is stagnant – and that’s definitely something you don’t want your marriage to be.
This is related to #1, but deserves its own entry. Just as low self-esteem can affect the way you react to the affection of others, it can also manifest itself in an outward projection of negativity. In other words, if you’re critical of yourself, you’re more likely to be critical of others.
Projecting that kind of negativity onto your spouse can turn into a vicious cycle, where you both suffer from low self-esteem, project it onto one another, and continually reduce each other’s feelings of confidence (along with your own).
To take it a step further, when you take this negativity out into your daily life, it clouds everything you do, from interactions with strangers to stress at work, which means an even worse mood, damaged relationships, and a landslide of negative backlash – all stemming from personal criticisms you project onto others.
4. Sex Life
Ok, this one’s the doozie. The effect that weight has on sex life is a culmination of the points mentioned above – and more. First and foremost, the issue of self-esteem has everything to do with how sexy you feel, and in turn the level of confidence and sex appeal you show your spouse.
Sure, your outward appearance will have an impact on how your spouse sees you, but the way you feel about yourself (and how that changes the way you present yourself) is a huge component of how attractive you are to your spouse.
Secondly, the relationship between low energy and problems with your sex life should be pretty self-explanatory. If you don’t have the energy, you might not even want to engage – and when you do, you may be less than satisfied if it just seems difficult and tiring.
Now, here’s where it goes even further. Beyond the behavioral and psychological downsides, your physical health has a direct impact on your sex drive. Exercise releases endorphins (feel good chemicals) into your brain, which make you happier and more attractive, but that’s not all. Exercise also boosts the amount of testosterone in your body, which directly affects libido.
So, if exercise has these positive effects, the opposite is also true. Without much physical activity, those levels of testosterone can dwindle – and take your libido down with them. Not only does your health affect the quality of your sex life, it also affects your desire to have a sex life in the first place.
The long and short of the matter is this: the healthier you are, the better you feel, and the better you feel, the better spouse you can be. From damaging your sex life to damaging your perception of yourself and others around you, ignoring your health (and with it, your weight) is irresponsible – and may be causing more trouble in your marriage than you know.
Remember, we’re not saying you need to have a perfect body, or that being a little overweight is going to ruin your marriage or destroy your sex life. Instead, this message is about awareness, to let you know that health and weight issues actually run a lot deeper than most people assume.
Don’t let your marriage fall victim to these problems! Keep an eye on your weight, and make your health (and with it, your marriage) a priority in your life!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
the wife and i started walking together. wow have things improved in only a few weeks. the energy boost is great and we're doing things together!!!
It would be great if my husband would stop making fun of me for exercising. How is that going to help?
My wife is heavier than she should be, and her weight has a profoundly detrimental effect on our intimacy! I love her deeply, feel that she's attractive, and don't even notice her weight. It's different for her, though: It must be completely dark in the room, and it is difficult for her to move around easily. She feels very self-conscious, and her willingness and emotional responsiveness are severely dampened. Yes, extra weight can be, and is, a serious problem in the bedroom!
Bill, That is wonderful! Keep it up!
Alice, If your husband is doing or saying something that is hurting your feelings, be sure to express how you feel to him as well! Please take a look at this blog posting on "How To Improve Communication in Your Marriage." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/blog/how-to-improve-communication-in-your-marriage-today/
Joe, I hope the two of you are communicating with each other about your feelings in the bedroom. When it comes to your sex life sometimes all it takes is "Lightening Up A Little." Here is a blog post that should make you feel better about your sex life: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/improve-your-sex-life-lighten-up/
My wife is obese. I am no longer attracted to her. I’m not sure how to tell her. She is manipulative and does not want me to be happy.