The ADD Marriage

Could ADD be to blame for your marriage woes?

When we think about Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often associate it with young people, namely rambunctious kids, and largely overlook the number of adults who live with ADD every day – many of them undiagnosed.

Unfortunately, many of the symptoms of ADD can have a negative effect on a marriage, especially if the couple isn’t aware of how it might be working against them.

Even if your spouse has been diagnosed with ADD, it’s possible to overlook it as a cause of problems and assume they are just being inattentive.

Here are three major ways ADD can negatively affect relationships:

1. Forgetfulness

For many people who struggle with ADD, it can be difficult to keep thoughts straight, and the result is that somewhere in the jumble, some things get lost.

From a spouse’s perspective, this can be extremely frustrating if it means forgetting to pick something up, forgetting to pay a bill, etc.

It can feel like they simply don’t care enough to remember, or that they just aren’t trying hard enough – but for sufferers of ADD, that’s simply not the case.

They may be trying very hard, but these slips can still happen.

2. Impulsivity

One of the other defining characteristics of ADD is the tendency for rapid-fire, seemingly random thought patterns.

This is partly why it can be difficult for some people to concentrate or remember specific instructions – because their thoughts are moving at 100 miles an hour!

Because of this tendency, people with ADD can seem very impulsive and scattered, jumping from one activity to another, running out the door to do something without consideration for much else.

It can even cause them to say things without thinking them through – all leading to frustration for their spouses.

3. Lack Of Follow Through

Because it can be difficult to stay on top of multiple tasks or concentrate on multiple things, people with ADD may have a tough time completing projects or following through with promises.

Unfortunately, this can come off as a lack of responsibility, a lack of ambition, or worse – a lack of intelligence.

The problems don’t come from a lack of intelligence or ambition, but rather from difficulty finding and concentrating on the next step long enough to take it.

If your spouse has been diagnosed with ADD, or even shows many of the symptoms, it’s important to understand that these “bad” habits are not entirely under their control, and that getting angry or upset does little to improve the situation.

Instead of getting frustrated, try to take a step back and think about how a condition like ADD could be affecting the your spouse’s thoughts and behaviors, do you your best to support them through tough times, and work together to find coping mechanisms and systems to help them address the problems at hand.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com