Sex Matters! Even In a Long-Term Marriage

For some strange reason, people have this assumption that sex drive starts to fade with age – that as couples get older, sex just becomes less and less important to them, and eventually they just stop without any fuss.


That couldn’t be further from the truth!

In fact, many couples grow more sexually connected after middle age and beyond. This happens for a wide range of reasons, but we’ll get into that in a moment. First, let’s look at where this myth comes from.

There are certainly some health concerns that can arise with aging that impact sexual health. Low blood pressure alone can have an effect on libido – simply because it affects blood flow to certain parts of your body!

Sex does get better with age!
Sex does get better with age!

Additionally, problems like chronic pain, arthritis, difficulty with mobility, and even incontinence are associated with old age – and it’s easy to understand how these things could put a damper on sexual activity.

The reality of the matter is, though, that while these problems may be common enough for us to recognize, they aren’t inevitabilities of old age. Simply growing older does not guarantee that you’ll run into all of these physical ailments…

Quite the contrary, actually – most people only deal with a few of these problems as they age, and here’s the kicker: staying sexually active actually helps keep some of these issues at bay!

Now, let’s get back to connecting. As you age, your marriage ages with you, hopefully becoming wiser, more stable, and more honest. In terms of your sex life, this wisdom and honesty lends itself to far better communication in the bedroom about what you like, what you don’t like, what you’d like to try, and so on.

As you and your spouse spend more and more time together, it doesn’t have to be a recipe for staleness, it can actually be quite the opposite. The amount of time you spend together (and have spent together over the years) should lead to a level of comfort and trust that you share only with your spouse – and that comfort means you can open yourself up to them completely. No amount of youthful energy can achieve the intimacy that comes with a longstanding and communicative relationship. Simply knowing each other’s personal chemistry goes a long, long way.

For some couples, though, even if they have a wonderfully honest marriage, it can be tough to talk about sex. If that’s the case, you just have to ease into it! Talk about memories, some of your favorite romps together, or moments that you felt particularly romantic or intimate. You can “dip your toes” into this kind of conversation if you feel bashful about talking specifics. You’ll likely find that once the conversation gets rolling, you’ll feel a littler braver about talking about what you want, what your partner is doing right, and what you’d like to try in the future.

Once you’ve broken the ice a little bit, each subsequent conversation will be easier, and every intimate situation will likely be better because you’ll know more about each other’s desires.

Sex doesn’t decline with age, it declines when you stop making it a priority. By staying in touch with that part of yourself, and being receptive to talking about desires with your spouse, you may very well find that sex later in life is more satisfying than it ever was in your younger days! A strong connection is the most powerful force in the bedroom!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Related Posts

Dispelling Marriage Myths

Every relationship is a little bit different – and because of that, there aren’t really “universal truths” that apply to each and every couple. There are, however, pervasive myths that can lead couples to make bad decisions or incorrect assumptions. We’re here to set the record straight! Don’t believe these myths, or let them make […]

Sure Fire Ways to Fall Back In Love With Your Spouse – Part 2

In our last post, we dug into 10 tips for rekindling the spark of your marriage. These ideas can help you adjust your perspective, see the best in each other, and spend the quality time that is essential for a healthy, happy relationship. Today, let’s dive into 10 more. The more you can incorporate things […]

Sure Fire Ways to Fall Back In Love With Your Spouse – Part 1

Over time, couples can drift apart if they aren’t actively working on their relationship. Feeling “out of love” can happen to us all, but fortunately, you can get things back on track! If you’re feeling disconnected, use these tips to rekindle the spark in your marriage. Be patient, and let these ideas bring you closer […]

A Big Lesson From Celebrity Affairs

When you think about high profile couples, things like “stability” and “longevity” don’t often jump to mind. Instead, we see the tabloid headlines, the scandals, and all of the ups and downs that can come along with fame and fortune. Now, there are a few important things to note here. First, the relationship problems so […]


Jared 9 years ago

My wife is content to go long periods without, but insists regularly that she is happy and there are no problems. Like most marriages, we were on fire for the first 8-10 years and then it kind of fell off. She did admit that she was turned on by the chance she could have a child with me, we both have children from our first marriages, but as she got older and her chances dwindled, then so did her interest? I'm the kind of guy that has to figure everything out and hates mystery.

andreww 9 years ago

I'm 29 years old and married for 2 years and have a 1yr old daughter. We are to the point where we only have sex 1-2 times a month and it drives me crazy. She has no drive and never talks about anything sexual. I try and be romantic and that doesn't help (usually women's first advice). She also makes comments about how she's tired or doesn't feel well which doesn't make a man too excited to even make a move. Any advice? I know the simple advice is to talk to her which I plan to do soon.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Andrew - The big red flag I see here is this - 1 year old daughter. Being a mom takes a lot out of women. She probably IS tired. She is also probably not feeling connected with you as a wife, because she is so focused on being mom. Really pitch in with your daughter. Get her from daycare, do the bedtime routine, make dinner, change diapers. Get a sitter and take your wife out on a date.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Jared - It like you both need some new to rekindle the fire -

Comments are closed.