When times are tough in your relationship, you may find yourself asking how you’ll know if things are too far gone – how you’ll know when the marriage is doomed, or if there’s time to slam on the breaks and send your marriage in a new direction.
Because so many people have these questions, and because it can be difficult to get a good overall picture of your marriage when you’re dealing with the daily struggles inside of it, we put together a list of 7 warning signs that your marriage is truly on the ropes.
1. You’re Both Irritable All The Time
This is a great indicator of underlying problems that neither of you are willing to confront. Those feelings of tension are coming from unresolved conflict, like seeds of unhappiness that are growing their way into other parts of your life. Carrying that tension with you (and not making any efforts to resolve the problems) will only make both of you more edgy and likely to argue.
2. Controlling Behavior
If either (or both) of you are trying to dictate what the other person is doing, criticizing or feeling irritated by everything they do, and feeling like the only way to deal with it is to offer instructions and make as many of the decisions as you can – you’re probably in trouble as a couple. If you don’t think the other person can do the right thing without your guidance, do you even trust them? Could you come to a compromise if you disagreed?
At this point in a marriage, the answer is likely no.
3. Goodbye Sex Life
If your sex life is all but nonexistent, if you feel like you don’t even want to touch each other, much less get intimate, this is a big problem. While some sexual problems stem from a range of sources outside of just relationship quality, a mutual lack of desire (when there used to be one) that doesn’t involve physical problems is generally a sign that your connection has faded, or that you’re too busy being mad at each other to feel attracted.
4. Conversations Just Don’t Happen
It might be hard to notice, but a take a step back and think about how you communicate with your spouse. Are you having actual conversations? Are you actually talking to one another for pleasure and communication, or are you just exchanging the information you need to?
A telltale sign that the marriage is in dire straits is when two people simply aren’t interested in what each other are thinking about, what they have to say, or even just casual conversation.
5. You Don’t Want to Spend Time Together
You may or may not even be consciously aware of it, but if you simply don’t want to be around your spouse, something is definitely wrong. It may be because of too many arguments, unresolved problems, anger, embarrassment – anything…
The point is that if you don’t even want to be in the same room, things are not going well – and can’t get any better if you don’t face one another.
6. You Won’t Compromise
If you’re so constantly frustrated with your spouse you can’t even meet them halfway on an issue (small or large), the problems are much bigger than the issue at hand. It’s a sign that you’re not willing to budge because of who you’re making a compromise with, not what you’re trying to figure out.
7. You Won’t Talk About It
This might be the most important one to consider…
If you’ve got these problems in your marriage, but aren’t even willing to address what’s going on, it might be indication that neither of you are open to saving the marriage. It’s a sign that you’ve given up.
Now, with all of that doom and gloom, you might be thinking that if this list describes your marriage, that there’s nothing you can do – but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The reason we bring up all of these problems is to help you realize that it’s time stop what you’re doing, reevaluate the relationship, and start working toward creating the marriage you want and deserve.
The StrongMarriageNow System, and even the information we offer here on our blog can help see these problems for what they are, and help you find the courage and motivation to rebuild the marriage you already have. These don’t have to be signs that your marriage is doomed, but they are signs that you’ve got some serious work to do.
The first step is to talk about it. That doesn’t mean starting an argument or pointing fingers, but instead sitting down with your spouse to say, “We’ve got a problem here. Let’s start figuring out how to fix it.”
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href=”https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/coursedetails/strongmarriagenowsystem/”>StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=”https://www.strongmarriagenow.com”>StrongMarriageNow.com </a>