In a 2009 Study by marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, it’s estimated that 1 in 2.7 men will cheat. These statistics are shocking. Yet sadly most people – men and women alike – still don’t know the real reasons why men cheat. Here’s a hint. It’s probably not what you think.
In fact, in Neuman’s study, 92% of men surveyed said it was not about the sex. “The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures.” The real reason men have affairs is to meet their emotional needs. Men long to feel respected, appreciated, admired and wanted. Additionally, they want to feel like they are pleasing their wives. So, are most cheating men having sex with their flings? Of course they are, but the reason they’re doing it is to meet the emotional needs that are not being met in their marriage.
Many people at this point believe the answer is obvious: To keep your man from straying, have more sex! Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. While sex does go a long way to helping a man feel respected, appreciated, admired and desired, it’s not the only thing that matters. He must also believe his spouse feels this way about him in her heart.
If you’re a woman reading this article, you might be asking yourself, “But, what if I’m not feeling these things?” What if you don’t respect him much? What if you really are angry at him all the time and you don’t feel particularly pleased with him? Most women take the approach of letting their husbands know how disappointed they are. This can take the form of nagging, pouting, complaining or even open hostility. Unfortunately, this approach not only doesn’t help the husband improve, it can lead him to seek out someone who does appear to adore, value and need him.
If you’re a man reading this article, you might be asking yourself “How do I get my wife to meet my needs?” especially if she’s acting like the woman just described above.
The real answer for both men and women is to work on the marriage and make it a relationship of mutual satisfaction, affection and love. Every marriage has the potential to be wonderful. If you both put in the time and effort, you will truly appreciate each other and make each other happy assuring that your home, each other and your family is where you want to be every night.
To find out how to deal with a cheating husband and to discover how to rekindle the passion and save your marriage, check out our webinar: “5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage.”
Dr. Dana and Amy, StrongMarriageNow.com
I didn't make her happy and I didn't act like I loved her anymore or paid her any anotteitn. I prayed for her to come back and chased her to prove how badly I wanted to be with her and after 2.5 years she gave my another chance and we got remarried after that and had 3 more kids. I didn't want to loose her again so I did everything I could to make her happy. We went to counseling, we spent more time with our kids and each other, and I did everything I could to keep us together. About 4 years later, she started acting very distant towards me and the kids. She started spending more time with our best friends a couple we had known for 8 years, their 2 kids had been best friends with our kids. When I raised questions about this, she said that she needed time away from the family so I backed off. Over a 3 year period, she slowly was more and more distant and spending more time with friends. Her best friend over time confided in me that my wife was spending more and more time with my best friend, her husband and thought they were having an affair. I told her she was being crazy, that they would never do that to our families. Months after that, my wife became pregnant and I thought that this new child would bring us together. When she was 5 months pregnant , she came by my job with divorce papers, said you're not the father and left. I was stunned and embarrassed. I didn't want to believe it. I went home and all her things were gone and she went to the children's school and told them we were getting a divorce. I called her and demanded to know why she was leaving again and she told me that she had been having a 2 year affair with my best friend and her unborn child was his. I broke down. To think I trusted her, and to hear that was disgusting. I went to his house and confronted him. He said that my wife loved him and she was going to leave me and we ended up fighting and his neighbors broke it up. The next night, his wife called me and said that he told her about the affair and the baby and that her husband was leaving her. I wanted so bad for her to come back and I still do. Its been 3 years and she's still with him. After her daughter was born, we got a DNA test and he was the dad and now they also have a son together. He's gotten a divorce from his wife and my wife is trying to divorce me again but I just want her to be with me. Call me crazy but, I love her and I still want to work it out with her. My children are very upset when they visit their mother as well as his children are upset when they visit and everything is very complicated right now. I've begged her to come back but she just won't. I'm willing to forgive her and to except her two children, so is there anything I can do?
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