Not Happy in Marriage? How To Tear Down The Wall Between You – It’s Okay To Be Silly

We all know the importance of intimacy in marriage – there is plenty of information out there about connecting both physically and emotionally, about how to build trust and communicate, about sharing your heart and soul with the one you love.

Most of the time, though, this kind of advice deals with the heaviest and most serious aspects of marriage: sharing your fears, comforting one another in difficult times, learning the meaning of love and support, etc. And, if you’re experiencing difficulties in your marriage, you’re probably spending a lot of time talking about your problems, which can actually drive more of a wedge between you.

There’s another part of intimacy that is often overlooked, whether your happy in your marriage or not– being fun, spontaneous, and downright silly!

Laughing together is a great way to be intimate!

When you have a true connection to someone, you have to be able to laugh with them! No matter who you are, from the most serious scholars to the toughest roughnecks, everyone loves to laugh, and it shows a lot of trust to be able to remain unembarrassed in front of your spouse. From little things like making faces or singing songs to each other, all the way to harmless pranks and ongoing inside jokes – shared laughter helps bring us together.

Laughter helps reduce stress and anxiety, helps reduce physical pain, and fights feelings of depression. When these therapeutic effects are shared with your spouse, bonds are reinforced (consciously and subconsciously) between the two of you – you actually start to associate spending time with your spouse with stress relief! This principle applies in the bedroom too. As laughter causes endorphins to be released in your brain, you’ll find that feelings of insecurity melt away. You will find yourself less likely to be distracted, and emphasizing the “play” in foreplay can help shake up the inevitably routine feeling all married couples experience.

Who says carefree, fun, and playful behavior is just for kids? For some reason, many of us have set aside silly behavior as something for children only, or something that has no place in a romantic relationship. This couldn’t be further from the truth!

Romance doesn’t have to be fancy clothes and candlelight dinners. The time you spend alone with your spouse doesn’t have to involve discussing the budget or discussing the news. Play a game! Dance around the house to your favorite upbeat music! Tickle each other, have a pillow fight, build a fort, play in a public fountain – just have some fun! You don’t have to be so grown up all the time.

Not happy in marriage? What do you do in your marriage to maintain your connection to each other? Please comment below.
To learn more about how to reconnect and fall back in love, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Related Posts

couple kissing

How Do I Get My Husband To Understand My Feelings

Are you frustrated that your husband just doesn’t understand you? Are you feeling lonely and isolated? It may be that the way you and your husband communicate is contributing to the problem. It doesn’t have to stay that way. Dr. Dana Fillmore, Author, TV Relationship Expert and Clinical Psychologist offers Matt and Angie some new […]


Is Fighting In Front of The Kids Ever OK?

Put as directly as possible – no. No it isn’t. …But this isn’t a simple question. What’s the fight about? How old are the kids? Do the young ones even understand what’s going on? Frankly, none of those questions matter. It’s not OK to fight in front of the kids about any topic, no matter […]

The Most Common Fight – And How to Stop It

For all of the issues that can come up in a marriage, one is far more common than all the others. It’s something each and every one of us has to deal with. We all stress about it… The problem is MONEY. No matter how much (or how little) we seem to make, the problems […]

10 Conversations You and Your Spouse Need to Have

Maintaining a successful marriage is hinged on communication. Being able to talk openly and honestly with one another builds a foundation of trust, and sets expectations well before conflicting views or ideas lead to fights. Today, we’re looking at 10 topics you and your spouse need to discuss, especially if you’re newly married. Even if […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Chippy Wild 11 years ago

Im still separated for almost 9 months now, we get along better than ever, but she still says I love you, just not in love with you, that shes wants a divorce and wants us to be friends. We are together almost everyday and its hard on me not having my family together all the time. She wont even look at the material on here or consider help for our marriage! I need help, I love her with all my heart!

wallrue 11 years ago

Also, love is about doing what makes the other happy. Not trying to have it your way. That is control. If it makes her happy that she has her space, then be happy for her. Don't make her feel guilty. If you believe in God, then pray for understanding and give her time to see you in a different light. If you continue to make her feel bad, you are hurting your chances.

SHARON 11 years ago


shar 11 years ago

how do you know she hasn't read the material or do you hve a no contact order like my spouse and I?