In a recent monthly call, Dr. Dana tackled the tough subject of getting over past hurt – putting those memories of painful incidents behind you and moving forward. Holding onto to painful grudges can lead to long-term trouble in a relationship.
Even if the problem has been addressed, apologies made, many people have a hard time letting go of the pain, even as years pass by.
They will continue to hold it over their partner’s head, and this isn’t healthy for any relationship.
There are several reasons why some people have a hard time letting go of the past. One of the points Dr. Dana stresses is the “ah-ha” moment, when one partner truly understands how the other felt – this is absolutely key in getting past any major issues in the relationship.
When you are hurt, you want your partner to understand why.
Call it a “moment of clarity” if you like. It happens when the two halves of a couple can empathize with one another, and understand how certain behaviors or actions might make the other feel. Or, in some cases, it might mean understanding why or how an affair happened, or what factors led to a negative change in the bedroom. It’s all about being on the same page.
As our phone call wrapped up, there were an incredible amount of questions, all of them tackling some BIG issues. These callers really did something brave here. It’s tough to talk about the hard parts of your life!
One of the toughest questions was, “How do you deal with flashbacks after an affair?” This man couldn’t shake the image of his wife in bed with another man. Dr. Dana’s advice was twofold: First, don’t let yourself get on that train of thought. Teach yourself to see it coming, and simply don’t get on the train – make a point to replace those negative thoughts with something else. Part two: replace those memories with new, good ones! The couple is back together, working to get past the affair, and one way to do that is reconnecting in the bedroom.
Other questions included how to “help her get over the resentment,” how to deal with, “a spouse who has anger issues,” and “a husband who doesn’t admit they did wrong.” While there are plenty of specifics for each of these problems, it goes back to the “ah-ha” moment, and finding some empathetic middle ground with your partner.
If any of these concerns apply to you, this is just a small portion of the advice contained in our monthly call, each centered on a theme, culminating with an open Q&A with our marriage advice expert! To gain access to the monthly call, direct help from Dr. Dana, and our extensive member’s forum, check out the StrongMarriageNow Community today!
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