After years of marriage, many couples find themselves less connected than they once were… They settle into routines, get comfortable, and over the years, grow apart until they feel more like roommates than spouses.
This is a common problem – so common that it has created something of a myth: that this is simply the natural progression of long-term relationships, that eventually the passion erodes and away and people grow apart…
This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Now, it’s worth mentioning that natural ups and downs are sure to happen. There are many circumstances at play, and over years of marriage, plenty of things can affect how connected you and your spouse feel. Health problems, job changes, growing families, and so many more factors can cause your focus to drift away from the marriage – and to some degree, that’s ok! We all have busy, complicated lives, and it can’t be all happiness all the time…
However, writing off marital drift as “natural” is doing a disservice to yourself and your spouse. There may be some ups and downs… But there’s no ticking clock that says you’ll fall out of love after a certain amount of time. It does happen, but because of neglect (intentional or not), and you both have the power to fight back against it.
As time goes by, you and your spouse don’t drift apart naturally – but your inclination to spend quality time together and actively maintain your marriage might fall by the wayside… And that’s when things start to go south. After years and years of no dates, little romance, and simply occupying the same space, it’s no wonder so many couples find themselves feeling like cohabitants instead of lovers.
If you know the cause of such problems, though, you can commit to the solution! It’s all about connection – spending quality time together away from distractions (not just sitting in the same room watching TV), going on dates, trying new things, communicating openly about whatever’s going on in your life… These things all serve to bring you closer together and keep the romance alive.
This works for couples of ALL kinds – whether you’ve grown apart or not. Making a point to spend time together is a preventative measure, and will help you keep your existing connection alive. In fact, it’s one of the most critical components of maintaining a healthy marriage. If you and your spouse have grown apart, the solution is the same: spend more time together!
This problem of drifting apart or falling out of love only seems natural because so many couples don’t know the value of intentional, communicative, quality time spent together. It is the source of romance, sexual desire, trust, feelings of connectivity, and so much more. You simply MUST spend time together if you want to stay connected.
So… The short answer to the question is NO, falling out of love isn’t just some normal thing that happens to all couples. If you don’t want it to happen, you have to put in the effort to stay connected!