It’s perfectly natural for marriages to go through ups and downs over time. There will be periods of excitement and passion, and there will also be periods when the relationship seems to lull – and things settle into a routine that isn’t particularly eventful.
While these cycles are normal, if the “down” times start to feel like boredom, it’s time to do something about it.
True boredom is tough to describe, but we know it when we feel it. It’s different than momentary unrest or dissatisfaction – it’s anxiousness about stagnation that you just can’t quite shake, and it’s awfully uncomfortable. The source of this boredom could be a variety of things, from your own hobbies (or lack thereof) to a rut at work, from dissatisfaction with your spouse to feeling stuck in a financial cycle… There are plenty of factors that can lead to your boredom, but there’s really only one solution:
Especially if you’re feeling bored with your marriage, things will only get worse if you don’t make an effort to change course and get things back on track. A little ebb and flow in your excitement about the relationship is one thing, but if you’re feeling truly bored with the whole ordeal, something must be done.
So, what actions can you take?
It will partly depend on the nature of your unique situation. If you feel like you and your spouse have both fallen into a routine, take it upon yourself to lead a change. Find something new and exciting for both of you to do – or at the very least, be the catalyst for breaking the cycle! Suggest a date, start a project for both of you, find a new hobby… Just find something to get excited about!
If, as is the case in some marriages, the boredom is a result of your spouse’s lack of interests, lack of enthusiasm, etc. – when you are still actively pursuing your goals and putting effort into the relationship – the solution is the nearly the same, but you have to approach it gently.
It’s important that your spouse understands how essential cultivating a life outside the marriage is to both of your long-term happiness. When you’re both actively interested in hobbies, pet projects, work, community, etc., you bring to the marriage two fulfilled, happy personalities that can create a marriage that is even greater than the sum of its parts!
If this one-sided stagnation is your problem, lovingly approach your spouse about finding a passion for their own sake, not just for the sake of the marriage. You can help, but it ultimately has to be something they feel excited about!
Beyond the efforts you can make to create excitement, break cycles, and escape the boredom you’re experiencing, seeking counseling may also be a way of confronting your problems. A professional therapist may be able to identify habits of your relationship that are contributing to your troubles, and recommend ways to change them.
If nothing else, boredom is a problem that condenses on itself – the more bored you are, the more hopeless it feels. The more hopeless it feels, the less efforts you will make to break the cycle and the worse things will get.
If you’re even feeling twinges of boredom in you marriage, do something about it right away! Keep your marriage fresh and exciting, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Make the most of every day, find things you’re truly passionate about, and bring that passion and sense of fulfillment into your marriage. With the right approach, you never have to be bored again!