We recently received an email from a very distraught wife. She told us that, out of the blue, her husband of 23 years told her that he didn’t love her anymore. She was shocked, of course, but as she been to investigate a little further, it became more and more apparent that her husband was showing signs of depression.

He said that he didn’t want to feel old, that she didn’t provide any excitement. He responds to her questions about it only with, “I don’t know.”

If this sounds even remotely familiar, you know how difficult it can be. See, the largest hurdle with depression is that it paints the entire world gray – people suffering from depression can’t see the good in things, and because they feel so miserable, they often will begin to place blame on their spouse, their job, their family, their life in general!

This happens because when someone feels so miserable, their brain needs to find a reason (or reasons) for why they feel that way. Depression has many causes and can be difficult to diagnose, but one of the more common embodiments comes in the form of the “midlife crisis.”

Essentially, a midlife crisis is when feelings of depression collide with a broad evaluation of one’s own life. In examining their lives, people suffering through these crises basically discover that their present life is not what they thought it would be, and their knee-jerk solution is to seek massive changes, no matter how destructive their choices might be to their family – or their own long-term happiness.

This desperate attempt to find some sense of happiness can cause people to quit their jobs, separate from their spouses, make frivolous purchases, etc. – they are willing to throw their lives in the blender to try to make some sense of the unhappiness they can’t escape.

The main problem here is that depression feels helpless and hopeless, so many sufferers are already convinced that no one can help them.

So, if your spouse is showing some of this behavior, what can you possibly do?

How To Save Your Marriage And Help Your Husband Fall Back In Love

The FIRST step is letting them know, in no uncertain terms, that you aren’t giving up on them, and you aren’t giving up on your marriage. The next part is more difficult – helping your spouse seek professional help, instead of trying to navigate the problems on their own.

This may be a little different for everyone, but it helps if you let them know that they don’t have to feel they way they do, that there IS help out there if they are willing to try it (remind them that all they have to do it try – no obligation to stick with any one method or professional).
Even if your spouse is trying to push you away (along with everyone else), you made a promise to support and love one another through thick and thin, and in this scenario, your spouse truly does need your help.

I like to use this analogy: you don’t scrap your car when it runs out of gas, right?

If your spouse is suffering from depression, it doesn’t mean your marriage is over or that your life together is destroyed – it means you and the one you love have a big challenge to overcome, but it’s not impossible by any means.

Whether it’s counseling, antidepressants, lifestyle changes, or another recommendation from a doctor, psychiatrist, etc., there are ways to overcome depression and midlife crisis. Your spouse just may need your help to seek out the solutions that will get their life back on track – even if they don’t see it for themselves!

If you’ve overcome bouts of depression in your marriage, let us know how you worked through it in the comments below.

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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com