So often, we (unconsciously) deal with pain by trying to show the other person what it felt like to be hurt – and we do so by acting hurtful. This doesn’t work… at all.
Instead of allowing each other explain how an affair made you feel (and sitting and truly listening when your spouse is sharing), too many couples fall into “payback” and “tit for tat” ways of showing each other that they’ve been hurt. It creates a cycle of cruelty that keeps you apart.
Excuses, explanations, finger pointing, etc. have no place here – this is about understanding how your spouse felt during a truly difficult time.
It’s important to let your spouse get their words out, and to just absorb what they have to say. Not arguing back or defending yourself is NOT the same as admitting guilt and taking all the blame. This isn’t the arena to defend yourself. The purpose is understand the pain your spouse went through – and they should be willing to do the same for you.
In the video below, Dr. Dana discusses this very topic with a real couple finding ways to overcome their difficulties and move forward with a stronger, healthier marriage.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com