Dr. Dana Answers A Question On Fighting

Arguments happen, but when you and your spouse seem to be at odds for no reason, there is usually an underlying problem with communication. When there are roadblocks to effectively communicating, not only is it difficult to resolve problems or navigate disagreements, it can also put a damper on the most minor day-to-day interaction.

Here’s a question featured in one of our past newsletters – hopefully you’ll take away some insight to improve communication in your marriage!


“Every time my husband and I try to talk about something, it always turns into a fight. He gets mean, then I get meaner, and it inevitably gets ugly. How do we work things out without fighting?”

– Julie


“Dear Julie, I’m glad to hear that you’re looking for a way to stop fighting because ongoing battles can break down the bonds of your relationship.

Constant fighting in a relationship can affect much more in your life.
Constant fighting in a relationship can affect much more in your life.

My advice for you is twofold. First and foremost, don’t fight! It takes two people to have a fight. If you simply choose to stay out of the ring, the verbal boxing match cannot happen.

Secondly, most people resort to fighting, because they don’t know how to effectively communicate. Both you and your husband must learn the most basic and vital communication skills like the rules of engagement, using “I” statements, and listening effectively. These are covered in the Understanding Each Other and Resolving Conflict sections of the StrongMarriageNow System.

Finally, let me remind you that any new skill takes practice. Offer patience and understanding as you both learn to stop fighting and effectively communicate.”

As you can see, couples sometimes fight for no reason, and the tension it creates spills over into nearly every conversation they have.

If you have contentious communication with your spouse, try to take the high road – don’t let yourself get angry, don’t let it turn into a fight.

This takes time to master, but it can be done! Once you can get yourself to stop fighting, work with your spouse to help them see the problems with their communication style – show them how much more effective communication can be without anger or hostility.

To find the sections mentioned above, as well as tons of other information to make your marriage stronger and healthier, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!


For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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