I’ve heard from so many women that have a difficult time getting their husbands to commit to going to marriage counseling. They worry that if he won’t go, that he’s not committed to the marriage and doesn’t care about their future.
Fortunately, in most cases, this is far from the truth. The fact is that many men are uncomfortable with going to marriage counseling. This can be due to many reasons.
• Some men are more comfortable staying with things as they are rather than talking about and dealing with the painful issues.
• Many men are uncomfortable discussing their issues with someone they don’t know.
• Many marriage counselors are women and their approach to couples therapy is to make the man more like a woman. They want him to think like a woman and communicate like a woman and that just doesn’t work.
• Going to a marriage counselor can feel like a failure and is threatening.
• Some men are concerned about the time and the cost of marriage counseling.
Here are some alternatives to consider if marriage counseling isn’t an option for you.
• You can see a counselor individually to help you learn how you can improve your life and influence your marriage.
• There are some great books that you can explore: “How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it” by Patricia Love and “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
• It may be that your approach to working on the marriage is creating more of a rift between you. Many couples are hurt and angry with each other and end up blaming and shaming each other. You may want to try using a kind, loving approach to help turn the tone of your interactions around.
• Ask your husband to suggest options that would work for him to invest in the marriage.
• You might want to check out some of the free videos that we offer to help couples improve their marriage. Men are typically more open to watching something privately on their computer. If you’re interested, sign up at the bottom of our home page: StrongMarriageNow.com.
Don’t despair. You can reinvigorate your marraige by investing and re-connecting. And, going through the ups and downs of a long-term marriage can actually give you a better and stronger relationship. I encourage you to dive back in, invest the time, learn the skills and you just may end up with the marriage you hope for.
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