Today, we have to dive into a sometimes touchy subject: pornography. Opinions vary wildly about porn… Some people consider it to have absolutely no place in a committed relationship, or at all, while others may use pornographic material to spice up their sex lives. Regardless of how you and your spouse might feel about it, addiction to such explicit material poses a very real threat to relationships and individuals – and many people fail to even recognize the problem.
We’re looking at porn addiction here. If you don’t want your spouse to look at it at all, that’s something you can discuss, but this article is meant to help you identify when usage has grown into something worse, damaging your sex life and the stability of your marriage.
Most people aren’t even comfortable talking about it, much less admitting that they might have a problem.
So, first let’s identify some indicators that your spouse might have an addiction:
1. Lack of Sexual Interest
If your previously healthy sex life has taken a turn for the worst, but you can’t identify any major changes to the relationship or physical health, it’s possible that your spouse is fulfilling their urges with pornography – instead of with you!
If it’s happening regularly, and they’re snubbing your advances, refusing to address the issue, and just don’t seem interested in physical intimacy, they may be developing an addiction.
2. Unrealistic Desires
In somewhat of the opposite effect of our first symptom, too much pornography can also change people’s desires to reflect what they see onscreen. Porn is not a realistic depiction of sex, but as possible consume more and more, it can reframe the way they think about “normal” sex with their spouse.
Pornography can distort how people think about bodies, what they find attractive, and the acts they find desirable. The people in these videos (and the people who make them) go to great lengths amplify sexual appeal – often to the point of body types, anatomy, and activities that are intentionally “extreme.”
If your spouse’s appetites seem to have changed, if they are suddenly critical of your appearance, and seem newly concerned with their own appearance and performance, you might have a problem.
3. Secretive Online Time
A big giveaway of porn addiction is being secretive about internet use. This may include closed/locked doors, constantly cleared browser history, or even just “suspicious” behavior surrounding internet use, time spent alone, etc.
Don’t hesitate to speak up if something seems strange.
4. Changing Behavior
Even outside of the bedroom, keeping secrets (especially of a sexual nature) tends to make people feel and act defensive. If your spouse seems on edge, dodges questions, and is acting like they’re keeping a secret – especially in conjunction with the things mentioned above – you have grounds to suspect a porn addiction.
Now, there are no shortage of damaging effects to cover here, from lost intimacy to unrealistic views of sex and sexuality, but even if the symptoms aren’t totally obvious, relying on pornography (over one another) for satisfaction is going to create a rift in the marriage. If you have an inkling that your spouse has a problem – or that you do – address it as soon as possible.
While it may be a difficult topic to discuss, know that there is help out there. You can seek out local counseling, or even look online for resources. The first big step is to try to change habits. Recognize that it’s a problem, and begin the process of overcoming the addiction together. Get the help you need to keep your marriage intact!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the <a href=”https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/coursedetails/strongmarriagenowsystem/”>StrongMarriageNow System</a> today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, <a href=”https://www.strongmarriagenow.com”>StrongMarriageNow.com </a>