7 Signs He’s Cheating

Infidelity can cause some of the biggest challenges any relationship has to endure, but suspicion can also wreak havoc on a spouse who wonders if their spouse might be cheating, but isn’t sure enough to approach such a difficult conversation.

Today we’ll be looking at seven signs that your husband may be having an affair. While these are definitely oriented toward the habits of cheating men, they are also red flags for any relationship. If these signs seem familiar to you, it might be time to have that tough talk you’ve been putting off.

1. Deleted History

Now, we’re not advocating that you keep tabs on everything your husband does, but if you notice that he’s constantly deleting his internet history, or more importantly, his text message and phone call logs, you may have some reason for suspicion. Most people don’t clear out text messages until their phone is full – so if he’s sweeping his message history under the rug, he may be hiding something.

2. Picking Fights

Tension and arguments can happen, of course, and it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything suspect going on – but if he seems to be more and more critical, looking for every little way to cause problems or spur an argument, he may very well be covering for his own transgressions by lashing out at you. This is a classic behavior of people feeling subconsciously guilty.

3. His Routine Changes

Many men (and people in general) are creatures of habit, following their preferred routines when it comes to meals, showering, departure times, etc. If his routine changes drastically, or seemingly overnight, with little explanation, he may be making concessions (or time) for someone else.

Deleting internet history is a common sign of cheating.
Deleting internet history is a common sign of cheating.

4. He Pays More Attention To His Appearance

If your husband is taking an increasing interest in his appearance, whether that be his hair, his physique, or even the clothes he chooses to wear, but the “new looks” don’t seem to be for your benefit, you definitely have a reason to be suspicious. It is fairly rare for men to take a new interest in their appearance on a whim – they usually have a reason, and it may be to impress (or continue to impress) someone else.

5. Dodging Questions

If he can’t account for where he was, who he was with, or what he was doing, you have every right to be suspicious. Again, we’re not advocating keeping your husband on a leash, but if he’s dancing around your questions, giving you vague answers about how he spends his time, or getting overly defensive when you ask, it’s pretty likely that he’s hiding something.

6. A Change In Affection

If your usual goodbye or welcome home kiss is now absent, if he edges away from you in bed at night, if it seems like your warm, loving spouse has gone cold, it’s a sure-fire sign of a problem. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s infidelity involved, but this kind of drop-off in affection, especially if it’s sudden, should raise questions about your connection to your spouse, and may be an indicator of an affair.

7. Laying It On Thick

Some of the most telltale signs of dishonesty are the overzealous and even overbearing attempts to cover up dishonest behavior. Sometimes it’s with an overabundance of false affection, sometimes it’s with elaborate stories and over-explanations, and sometimes it’s less specific – but it just feels like they are trying way too hard.

People behave this way for plenty of reasons, but if your husband is going out of his way to explain every single detail or his late night at the office or Saturday’s outing with the guys – and he doesn’t normally do that kind of thing – he’s likely covering for something else. This is the kind of behavior that causes people to get caught up in complicated lies and loopholes in their stories. If this sounds too familiar, you may need to ask you husband what’s really going on.

Infidelity is painful and very difficult to overcome, but if the issue goes unaddressed, it will only cause a deeper and deeper rift in your marriage. Know that an affair does NOT mean the end of your marriage, but instead is a massive red flag that things need to improve. You can build a stronger marriage after an affair, but if you don’t summon the courage to ask about your suspicions, the behavior will go unchecked and the problems will continue.

If you’re experiencing these telltale signs – say something!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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7 comments

R.Paulin 8 years ago

Dr Dana, I generally find your articles helpful in knowing I am not alone in the various struggles of marriage, but I feel compelled to alert you to a trend. Respectfully, this is probably the third or fourth female-centric article you have published, in a row. When statistics tell us that wives initiate divorces on a no-fault basis at a ratio of 2:1, many of us husbands would feel you are putting all of your resources into one third of the problem. I once thought of affairs in a very one-sided manner, that is, it is the fault of the man's sex drive. More recently though, having spoken to many men and having looked up statistics, I have changed my view. Those statistics tell us that 25% of marriages are sexless. Another 20-25% are under-sexed for husbands, meaning there is a lot of frustration out there. Perhaps an article about what is it about wives who are NOT honoring their side of the marital contract, would be in order.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi, R, I'm sorry you feel that way but the article does state these signs are red flags for any relationship. Perhaps instead of trying to lay fault on the wife, we can also look at why these wives are not wanting to have sex with their husbands. Is the husband helping in the home with children? Has he forgotten to woe her or does he expect her to just respond to him? We do have several articles for husbands regarding wives. In fact, two articles ago was https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/3-ways-get-wife-listen/. Specifically regarding women cheating, https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/ed-asks-my-wife-is-having-an-affair-and-she-wont-stop-seeing-him/. If there is a particular issue you need addressed, please let us know.

vince 8 years ago

I first caught my wife sexting about 8 months ago. She was flirting on hot or not and dirty and trying to arrange to meet up for sex with this man. I caught her and she stopped. I then caught her using Hot or Not and flirting with several men. I read the conversations and she asked if he used Whatsapp. I am really confused and need advice.

stoonguy 8 years ago

7 Signs "He's" Cheating hurts... my wife cheated. After the reading I have done any article that suggests, in the title or in the content, that 'men' are the cheaters is hopelessly outdated and offensive. Your content is quite good in this article; I wonder why you chose to single out men in the title.

stoonguy 8 years ago

Seriously? This sounds like you are blaming R. None of the 'issues' you mention are an excuse for cheating. There is no excuse - the proper reaction to any of these situations would be communication and seeking counseling. I do far more in our home and with our kids, bought flowers and tried to do 'little things', told her everyday how beautiful she is and how much I loved her, but she just 'felt so good that someone else found her attractive'. "Trying to lay fault on the wife", well, if she is the one that cheated that is where the fault is.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Stoon, We never feel it's the right choice to cheat, but often there are things leading up to it that other spouse could have helped with. Whether it's not enough attention, help, depression, etc. Not always, but often, so we think it's important to look at the issue from both sides when a couple decides to try and make it work. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/ed-asks-my-wife-is-having-an-affair-and-she-wont-stop-seeing-him/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Stoon, please note the article says, "While these are definitely oriented toward the habits of cheating men, they are also red flags for any relationship." Men more frequently cheat, but they are certainly not alone. In fact, the article I linked to your previous comment does address a cheating wife. I'm truly sorry you had to go through that experience.