Marriage Advice Women: The 6 Common Marriage Mistakes Women Make

Mistakes are an inevitable part of life, and as easy as it is to look past the little things, ongoing mistakes in behavior can threaten the foundations of your marriage, and even lead to its collapse!

Here are six common mistakes that women often make in their marriages:

1.    Unclear Expectations

 One of the most common complaints among husbands is that they simply don’t know what their wives want or expect. This can lead to all sorts of problems when it comes to household responsibilities, finances, time spent together, or any other aspect of a marriage. Men can sometimes feel blindsided by complaints or problems that they simply didn’t know were occurring – because they did not know what was expected of them. To keep things clear, outline your expectations up front. If you want him home at a certain time, let him know! Don’t expect him to be able to read your mind.

2.    Forgetting Affection

Because men are supposed to be the “tough” ones, it may be easy for women to forget that they desire affection, praise, and approval as much as anyone else. Women can make a bad habit of doling out kind words and loving touches to the children, but neglect to do so for their husbands. Things like eye contact, words of encouragement, and physical (non-sexual) contact are important to him, even if he doesn’t say so. Give him a hug or thank him for his help around the house. The praise and affection will help him feel connected to you, and remind him that his efforts are not going unrecognized.

3.    Tone Choice

Tone of voice goes a long way, as we’ve all experienced, but sometimes we forget to keep our own in check. A sour or angry tone can build roadblocks for communication no matter the issue. If you’re addressing a problem in your relationship, try to do so constructively – maintain a calm and even tone of voice. If you’re just venting about your day, remember who you are speaking with, and don’t use your spouse for a verbal punching bag.

4.    Over-Accommodation

While strong marriages involve plenty of compromise, there is such thing as being too accommodating. If you are sacrificing your own wants and needs for the sake of your husband’s at every turn, you run the risk of setting a precedent that can only be dissatisfying in the long run. Some women tend to make their marriages all about their husband’s interests, hobbies, and goals, and don’t leave room for their own. Eventually, this can lead to resentment and prevent the two of you from establishing separate, equal identities in the marriage. To avoid this, be vocal about the things you want to accomplish or the interests you want to pursue. Make reaching your individual goals a team effort, with each supporting the other. Working together to handle daily responsibilities will allow you both the freedom to pursue your passions.

5.    Communication Barriers

Men and women have different styles of communicating and you must understand that continuing to repeat poor communication techniques only makes things worse over time. If you find that repeating yourself only makes him shut down, or that your “discussions” always turn into arguments, it may be time to reevaluate the way you are speaking to each other. All too often, men complain that their wives “nag” them – this could just mean that while she’s pressing the point, he is withdrawing (neither of which are constructive ways of communicating). You have to work together to find effective ways of speaking to one another. Since women are typically the more active communicators, it may be up to you to make the first move.

6.    Sex as A Low Priority

Perhaps the largest mistake women make in marriages is undervaluing the importance of their sex lives. Whether it’s related to stress, fatigue, poor body image, or a myriad of other reasons, many women simply do not see the importance of feeling and acting sexual. Not only is sex a primary way that men feel connected to their partners, it is also a fundamental component of what separates friends from lovers. A good sex life has countless benefits, from increased connectedness and emotional well-being to promoting physical health. For most women, improving their sex lives starts with feeling sexy – so find ways to feel confident and attractive. Furthermore, men often complain that the burden of initiating sexual activity falls upon them. They want to feel wanted too, so go for it as often as possible! Making your sex life a priority in your marriage will be beneficial for everyone, and the more you do it, the better you get.

Even though we all make mistakes, avoiding these major pitfalls could not only save you a great deal of heartache, but actually make your marriage stronger. Have you found ways to overcome these common mistakes? Let us know marriage advice women can use in the comments!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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12 comments

jerry griffin 8 years ago

HOW DO YOU GET YOUR SPOUSE TO SEE THE OTHER PERSON IS NOT A GOOD PERSON,HE HAS HER FOOLED,I RAN A BACGROUND CHECK ON HIM .HE IS A WOMAN BEATER AND A CHILD ABUSER,I MAY HAVE BEEN WRONG I SHOWED HER THE PROOF AND OF COURSE HE SAID IT WAS ALL OVER THE TWO DIVORCES,ALL THE REPOETS 41 TO BE CORRECT,HE SAYS IT QAS ALL THE WOMENS FAULTS.WHAT DO I DO I HAVE A RENTAL HOUSE NEXT TO MY HOME AND MY WIFE MOVED HER AND MY SON INTO IT.SHE GOES TO HIS HOUSE ,I SAID I DO NOT WANT HIM ON MY PROPERTY OR NEAR MY SON.DID I DO WRONG TRYIG TO SHOW HER THESE THINGS AND ASKING FOR THE OTHER MAN TO STAY AWAY FROM OUR PROPERTY AND MY SON.DESPERATELY SEEKING ADVICE. THANK YOU FROM HARD TO EVEN BREATH

Kesia 8 years ago

What if it's the husband who doesn't value the importance of sex?

Angie 8 years ago

Thank for all the wonderful insights you offer regarding marriage and what keeps it going..a lot of what you talk about I can relate to and feel I could do more on my part to keep our marriage fresh. I have been married 22 years and the last 7 have been very difficult. About 10 years ago I started feeling that something was not right with our marriage When I would try to address it with my husband he would tell me that he is the way he and he not changing for me or anybody and If i don't like it there's the door. He claimed that he doesn't need to affection ,attention, praise that I did . He voided my thoughts, feelings, options and told me I lived in a fantasy world ..He denied me any affection outside of the bedroom by not holding my hand giving hugs he even would get up and move if I sat by him on the couch..I could go on and on about things he said done. I now know that what he has done is verbally and emotionally abusive and I guess what I would like to know is what and how do I apply the marriage advice that you give in this situation. I have not seen any topics regarding Verbally abusive relationships and really would like to hear any suggestions from your pointe of view .

Been there 8 years ago

Beware! Although it is not always the case it is quite often that the husband who doesn't want or desire sex with his wife is having it with someone else. My husband never seemed interested and I am attractive and keep myself in very good shape so I just didn't get it. I would buy lingerie and plan romantic evenings and he always was too tired or if he did give in I could tell that he was just doing it to get me off his back. Then I saw other signs and confronted him about it. Though my situation is very different than most because my husband was cheating on me with another man (I know, WOW!) its still cheating and before the cheating started our sex life was very good. There are some men who are more emotionally driven and may feel too disconnected to want sex but in general men always want sex. You need to talk about it openly and honestly, that's how I got my answers.

Mischelle Russell 8 years ago

This program has been great for me. My husband watched the two introductory videos and while he thought it was a good program, he felt both parties needed to be committed to working on the marriage. I convinced him to watch the first week video but he has yet to do so. He says he has been pushing his unhappiness down until he couldn't take it any longer. I myself have learned so much with all the videos. I am committed to making the changes I need to make and learn the right skills for a strong and happy marriage. I just don't know how I am going to show him if he moved out but I am trying. I still love him very much and have not given up hope.

melissadillon3@gmail.com 8 years ago

I've been told that my husband is going through a change/Midlife crisis. What I need to know is if he is experiencing a MLC , will this program help?I have research MLC and out of 35 signs he has 30 that I know by watching him change.I know alot of people probably doesn't think MLC exist but it does. I know that it would help me do some changing of my own but will it even phase him. I want to be a better person, wife, and mother!!! I have been fighting for my Marriage for year and half(since I heard the I don't know if I'm in Love with you anymore). Can this program help??? My heart aches for my family.

marion 8 years ago

I am in my relationship 9 years, married for 6 of them. I think marriage is indeed sacrificing things,but not a lot. You balance things,respect eachothers space,eachothers faults or things you don't really like,but can't change,because those things are ones character.Through communication you get to know eachother,even in fights. After 9 years someone tried to tell my husband that I had cheated on him,my own sister in law,why? Well she hates my guts. My husband was angry,at her. He did not believe her. You see,we know eachother very well,we had problems,fights,but we never went to bed angry. Which means,no matter how bad it got,we always talked it over, before the day was done. It makes us trust eachother,my husband is also my best friend,my confident,i tell him everything,seriously everything. I am far from perfect,i am impulsive at times,and i had a very bad depression that lasted 2 years. My husband stood by me,he held me when i needed a hug,and kicked me in the butt when i needed it. Do not give up on eachother,no one is perfect,but there is a reason you fell in love,find that reason,everytime you think of quitting,think of the reasons you love eachother.

Impossible says I'm possible 7 years ago

You want to be... An amazing start, when I started on my journey to being better the love dare was a Massive change in my heart and all other things followed, I had focus and still searching I love this sight because it gives basic guidelines for friendship and marriage insight and a hope, we all need hope also the catholic organization has a program for marriages called retrovaille it is intense and is for marriages which have struggles it is faith based but accepts all faiths in the sessions.

Mildred Williams 6 years ago

Hello I have been with my husband for one year it has been a rough year but we do love each other my husband having issue with sex he takes meds that has takin his sex life he's 57 and I'm 45 for the 1st time in my life I'm so attracted to him I have never been attracted to a man but when I met my husband I want more of him but he is not here for me sexual please help

Mildred Williams 6 years ago

Hello I have been with my husband for one year it has been a rough year but we do love each other my husband having issue with sex he takes meds that has takin his sex life he's 57 and I'm 45 for the 1st time in my life I'm so attracted to him I have never been attracted to a man but when I met my husband I want more of him but he is not here for me sexual please help

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Mildred - Your problem is very common. He can talk to his doctor to get his medication adjusted, or a supplement to help. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-improve-your-sex-life/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Mildred - Your problem is very common. He can talk to his doctor to get his medication adjusted, or a supplement to help. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-improve-your-sex-life/