5 More Things You Should Never Do If You Want To Stay Married – Part 2

Recently, we published a list of 5 big DON’Ts to keep in mind for your marriage. We’re back today with part 2 because, well, bad habits can have as much of an impact on your relationship as good ones.

So, to expand on the first list, here are another 5 habits to avoid if you want to keep your marriage in good shape:

1. Don’t Obsess Over Roles

Gender roles can sometimes have their place in certain relationships, and every couple will embrace different roles (gender or otherwise) as the marriage becomes more routine, but healthy couples remain flexible and don’t concern themselves with whose “job” a particular task might be. Instead, they share the responsibilities of running a household, raising a family, etc., and take care of what they have to, regardless of whether or not it’s their strongest skill or preferred chore.

This could be getting dinner ready, taking out the trash, fixing something minor around the house, getting the kids in bed… anything. Just worry about what needs to get done, not who “should” be doing it.

2. Don’t Try To Read Your Spouse’s Mind

Communication is key in any relationship, and making assumptions about what your spouse is thinking or feeling is basically the opposite of healthy communication. No matter how connected you might feel, you still can’t read each other’s minds. If your spouse seems upset, don’t just assume you know why – ask them!

The same is true about what they might think about a decision of yours, whether or not they’ll want to participate in an activity… really anything at all. It’s always better to ask, and move forward with real information, than it is to think you can read your spouse’s mind and move forward with potentially incorrect assumptions.

These five things will help to strengthen your marriage.
These five things will help to strengthen your marriage.

Just ask! Communicating will help prevent arguments, confusion, and disappointment in a massive way.

3. Don’t Ignore Finances

As you probably know, money is one of the most common things couples fight about. When financial matters go ignored or overlooked, it leads to big stresses, unwelcome surprises, and ultimately, a great deal of discord in the relationship.

Whether it’s not communicating about major expenses, not making joint decisions, or simply not keeping up with ongoing bills, financial woes keep people on edge. It can affect your ability to enjoy leisure time, and even your ability to maintain basic necessities. As those things start to fall apart, so does the stability and happiness in your marriage. Simply making family finances a priority in your marriage can make a HUGE difference in your ability to be a happy couple.

4. Don’t Nag

We can all be tempted from time to time… If we’re feeling annoyed, if we feel like we’ve asked for the same thing over and over, if we’re having rough day or week… Sometimes we fall into nagging our spouse, but it’s a terrible habit to fall into.

Nagging is essentially pressure and negative feedback. It’s making your spouse feel bad for having not taken care of something, for having not followed through. If you really want your spouse to get something done, encourage them! Words of support and motivation go so much further!

It could be something small like a chore, or something big like finding a new job or managing an illness – regardless, beating someone down makes them either feel defeated (and unmotivated) or resentful (and spiteful)… and neither of those attitudes help people get things done! If, however, you can help your spouse feel confident and energized, they’re much more likely to get things done of their own volition – or at least take your suggestions and requests more readily because you’re offering them in a positive way.

5. Don’t Overshare

Healthy relationships take a little bit of tact and awareness. You can’t simply bombard your spouse with your frustrations about the relationship at the drop of a hat – this will likely only lead to defensiveness, arguments, and lack of resolution.

Similarly, your spouse is not your emotional punching bag, ready for you to just vent about anything and everything whenever you feel like it. They are also a person – with their own concerns and frustrations, their own inner struggles, and their own complaints!

If you need to talk about a problem in the marriage, bring it up calmly and ask your spouse if it’s a good time. When you’re upset about your day at work, try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes before you blow up and vent your entire day. It’s important to share with your spouse, and it’s equally important to put any issues on the table so they can be resolved. When doing so, however, make sure you’re taking the other person’s feelings into account.

Sharing is important, oversharing can be a way to cause major resentment in the relationship.

With these 5 tips, as well as the 5 tips from Part 1, you’ve got a good overview of the simple things that can chip away at the quality of a marriage if left unchecked. Take special care to avoid falling into these traps, and if you see your spouse picking up these habits, talk to them about it and do your best to stop them before they do too much damage to your marriage.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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14 comments

Michael 7 years ago

I still want to stay married, but she just wants to move forward with the divorce. It has been a broken record in our conversations. She continues to ask, why didn't I listen to her to begin with and respect her wishes. What can I do?

Michael 7 years ago

I still want to stay married, but she just wants to move forward with the divorce. It has been a broken record in our conversations. She continues to ask, why didn't I listen to her to begin with and respect her wishes. What can I do?

Cara 7 years ago

I am so confused and fed up. My husband and I were talking at the weekend. We never dealt with his cheating many years ago, I was lost, had just given birth to my second kid and wanted the marriage to survive so I also rug swept. Now because of recent developments (I think he might have been unfaithful a few years ago as things were pretty bad between us – no proof and just denials, my gut tells me otherwise) we have been trying to work on us so I am trying to get closure on the cheating from many years ago. He doesn’t want to go

Cara 7 years ago

I am so confused and fed up. My husband and I were talking at the weekend. We never dealt with his cheating many years ago, I was lost, had just given birth to my second kid and wanted the marriage to survive so I also rug swept. Now because of recent developments (I think he might have been unfaithful a few years ago as things were pretty bad between us – no proof and just denials, my gut tells me otherwise) we have been trying to work on us so I am trying to get closure on the cheating from many years ago. He doesn’t want to go

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Michael, Perhaps ask her if there is anything you can do to save the marriage. Is there something she is looking for? Otherwise, you might need to really listen to and respect your spouse. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/get-husband-wife-checked-back-marriage/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Michael, Perhaps ask her if there is anything you can do to save the marriage. Is there something she is looking for? Otherwise, you might need to really listen to and respect your spouse. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/get-husband-wife-checked-back-marriage/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Cara - You both need to admit the situation wasn't dealt with, and find a counselor you trust to help you through it. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-affair-stop-haunting-visions-partner-person/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Cara - You both need to admit the situation wasn't dealt with, and find a counselor you trust to help you through it. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-affair-stop-haunting-visions-partner-person/

N. Garza 7 years ago

https://www.rejoiceministries.org

N. Garza 7 years ago

https://www.rejoiceministries.org

Gary Shirk 7 years ago

I found out my wife had an affair, her justification was in her "mind" we were split up, now mind you we were living together and doing what married couples do. Just like every other marriage we had our problems, but never had a serious discussion about divorce. I left our home for a couple of days, I didn't want to fight and say something I could never take back. I eventually reached out to her and we started to talk again, I have since returned home. She wants to leave for about 1 1/2 weeks to find herself and she has told me that she is going to go to the state in which she had the affair, which was with the guy she was with before the two of us met. She claims she wants to talk to him in person, she has said that she will return and work on our marriage. I'm having a hard time stomaching this trip of hers. I feel very disrespected in my own home, I caught a glimpse of a text between the two of them and saw the words " I love you." I have lost trust in her, I know what is going to happen while she is gone, but I know more that I can't stop her and if I did it would be the definite end to our marriage. I refuse to just quit, but I also can not allow this to continue. I need advice on how to stay strong, and keep from loosing it and causing permanent damage.

Gary Shirk 7 years ago

I found out my wife had an affair, her justification was in her "mind" we were split up, now mind you we were living together and doing what married couples do. Just like every other marriage we had our problems, but never had a serious discussion about divorce. I left our home for a couple of days, I didn't want to fight and say something I could never take back. I eventually reached out to her and we started to talk again, I have since returned home. She wants to leave for about 1 1/2 weeks to find herself and she has told me that she is going to go to the state in which she had the affair, which was with the guy she was with before the two of us met. She claims she wants to talk to him in person, she has said that she will return and work on our marriage. I'm having a hard time stomaching this trip of hers. I feel very disrespected in my own home, I caught a glimpse of a text between the two of them and saw the words " I love you." I have lost trust in her, I know what is going to happen while she is gone, but I know more that I can't stop her and if I did it would be the definite end to our marriage. I refuse to just quit, but I also can not allow this to continue. I need advice on how to stay strong, and keep from loosing it and causing permanent damage.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Gary, that must be a difficult request for you, and I understand why you wouldn't trust her. It's up to you if you think she has the best intentions. Set ground rules before she goes, perhaps such as when she comes back, you will both attend therapy, and she will cut off contact with the other man. You can both agree to be open in your communication, and perhaps even share passwords. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/ed-asks-my-wife-is-having-an-affair-and-she-wont-stop-seeing-him/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Hi Gary, that must be a difficult request for you, and I understand why you wouldn't trust her. It's up to you if you think she has the best intentions. Set ground rules before she goes, perhaps such as when she comes back, you will both attend therapy, and she will cut off contact with the other man. You can both agree to be open in your communication, and perhaps even share passwords. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/ed-asks-my-wife-is-having-an-affair-and-she-wont-stop-seeing-him/