10 Signs That She’s Cheating

Men and women are pretty equally likely to be unfaithful, but because of the differences in the way their brains and bodies operate, the motivations aren’t always quite the same – and the warning signs can be even more “gender specific.”

With that in mind, we’ve put together 10 warning signs that a wife may be cheating on her husband, but it’s important to remember that these are just warning signs – not guarantees that she’s cheating, and not behaviors that are totally exclusive to women.

Be watchful for these warning signs – they may indicate a serious problem in your marriage:

1. Checked Out

It’s hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. She doesn’t seem to care, she doesn’t respond, she seems bored and resentful – she’s simply “checked out” of the relationship. When she’s emotionally disconnected from the marriage, it opens the door for looking for excitement and connection elsewhere.

2. Mystery Friends

If she has a new friend that you’ve never met, and seems to want to spend all her time with this mysterious person, it could be a major warning sign for a couple of different reasons.

First, the “friend” could actually be a secret lover, but the second reason is also disconcerting – it may not be cheating, but it may be a single friend who wants a “wing woman” (and vice versa), and that’s certainly wandering into unfaithful territory.

3. Unpredictable Plan Changes

If she goes out “with a friend” and gives you an estimate when she’ll be home – only to call in the middle of the night to say she’s staying with her friend, it’s a little suspicious, especially if it happens often.

In the same vein, if she’s planning an outing but it suddenly falls through – but she won’t tell you why – she may be making plans with someone she doesn’t want you to know about.

4. Asking For Space

Sometimes this can be totally harmless, and just a chance for her to cool off if you’ve been fighting – but if she’s asking for a lot of space, particularly at night or on the weekends, she may very well be asking for the “space” to go meet up with someone else…

5. Accusing You

This is one that both genders have very much in common, and it comes down to simple psychological projection. In order to get away from their own feelings of guilt, people will accuse their partners of infidelity to shift any suspicion or blame away from themselves.

If your wife accuses you of cheating, but doesn’t have any reasons to back it up – the reason may very well be that she’s cheating herself.

6. Hints About Unhappiness

If she’s dropping hints about an unsure future, about lack of romance, about how unhappy she is – she might also be telling you that she’s looking for those things elsewhere. Especially if she’s mostly complaining, but not asking for any solutions, she may be indicating that she doesn’t expect a change from you – she wants to find those qualities in someone else… Or already has.

7. Dressing Up When She Didn’t Use To

If your wife used to go to class or work (or even just out on errands) without putting a lot of effort into her appearance, but is suddenly making a great effort to look her best when she goes those places – there’s a chance that she’s met someone she’s trying to impress, or at the very least, wants to make sure she looks her best in case she runs into a potential suitor.

This one can be hard to gauge, but if the change seems sudden and/or drastic, you likely have some cause for concern.

8. Lack of Intimacy

If she’s giving you excuses in the bedroom, dancing around the subject, and avoiding your advances without giving you any viable reasons (other than typical, non-specific reasons like being too tired, not feeling well, etc.), it just might be because she’s already involved in a sexual relationship with another man.

9. Outside Opinions

Your friends, your wife’s friends, and your family can offer valuable outside perspective on your marriage. They may not always be right, or truly the know the details of a given situation, but if they have suspicions about infidelity, their opinions are probably worth taking seriously. If even they can see the signs from the outside looking in, there’s probably something going on.

10. Keeping Tabs On You

If she suddenly has an increased interest in knowing where you are and what you’re doing at ay given time throughout the day – it probably isn’t because she’s curious about your day, it’s because she needs to cover her tracks. They don’t want to unwittingly run in to you while they’re doing something unfaithful, so they need to keep a close watch on where you’ll be, and avoid those places at all costs. She might be making her plans around your schedule.

Remember, these are just signs, not hardline rules. If you suspect infidelity in your marriage, it’s not too late to stop it, and it doesn’t mean that the marriage is ruined. The first step to recovery and rebuilding is owning up to the problems. If you suspect your wife (or husband) is cheating, say something!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

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JoeEdward 9 years ago

My wife cheated on me and don't know what to do. We were having problems with our relationship for a year or better before she was unfaithful. We were not talking and had resented each other. She works as a bartender and is around guys all the time and one of the patrons are who eventually got to her. After she was caught we split for a couple of months and now we started talking again. I currently rent an apartment but not big enough for the kids so I often stay at the house when she has to work. I love being around this woman but can't say that she does me.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Joe - You both need to sit down and figure out what lead to the affair. No judging, no blaming. You recognize you both had a hand in it, though that does not excuse her behavior. The point now is moving on. Try to work on the problems that got you here, and focusing on each other and the children. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/

Lost and Broken 9 years ago

I recently found out that my wife is at the least having an emotional affair. Over 1000 texts back and forth with a guy. I lost it when i found out and had her phone in my hand as i ran out of the house. i had to get away i had to breath. While i was out i did something that i regret and i installed an sms tracker on her phone. I wanted to know what she was saying to this guy. I mean we often had each others phones for stuff for the kids directions ect. What lengths she had to go threw for me to never see a single text till i looked on our phone bill. We are currently still living in the same small house barley talking and I found out she has been unhappy for years. I know there are other issues. I am working on my own part of that. but Is it fair to know what shes texting and have access to her Facebook etc. I only used the sms tracker the first day the first time she texted him with i need you i want you. I just couldn't look any more. But i have had no chance to remove it and i think she might of found it now. any work or progress i have made i'm sure is now gone. What is my next step what videos should i watch more of. And if shes willing to watch with me is it wrong to have her watch dealing with an affair first or is another video more appropriate.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Lost - You need to be honest with her. Lack of honesty got you both here in the first place. Be honest when you are having troubles, if you are feeling drawn to someone else, and especially if you made a mistake. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/my-husband-chats-online-lady-trust-him-watch-dr-danas-answer/

josh 9 years ago

just last week my wife of 11years said she feels broken; needs space and wants a separation. my whole world just crumbled. we have 2 beautiful girls . I've noticed her warning sighns for several months and asked her if she would consider counceling .she said she doesn't love me the same any more and as far as she's concerned our marriage is over. It's hard for me not to question her fedellity because when we go places together she doesn't dress to impress. but when she goes places with her girlfriends who mind u have just recently left their marriages she looks phenominal. she says there is no one else and that that is the furthest thing from her mind but I'm having trouble believing her. she just keeps saying she's not happy with who she's become in our marriage she knows it sounds sellfish but this is what she needs to do for her. neither of us have the finances to move out and I told her I'm not leaving. so she said she's willing to coexist under the same roof until she can aquire the finances for her to leave. so my question is: can I save this marriage while we coexist or is it really over?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Josh - We always believe there is a chance, but it is going to take work. Find out what she doesn't like about herself. Support her. Does she feel like she is too Mom and Wife, and not enough Her? Maybe going back to school, getting a job, or getting a hobby would help. Connect with her, take her out, woo your wife again. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/get-husband-wife-checked-back-marriage/

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