Men and women are pretty equally likely to be unfaithful, but because of the differences in the way their brains and bodies operate, the motivations aren’t always quite the same – and the warning signs can be even more “gender specific.”
With that in mind, we’ve put together 10 warning signs that a wife may be cheating on her husband, but it’s important to remember that these are just warning signs – not guarantees that she’s cheating, and not behaviors that are totally exclusive to women.
Be watchful for these warning signs – they may indicate a serious problem in your marriage:
1. Checked Out
It’s hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. She doesn’t seem to care, she doesn’t respond, she seems bored and resentful – she’s simply “checked out” of the relationship. When she’s emotionally disconnected from the marriage, it opens the door for looking for excitement and connection elsewhere.
2. Mystery Friends
If she has a new friend that you’ve never met, and seems to want to spend all her time with this mysterious person, it could be a major warning sign for a couple of different reasons.
First, the “friend” could actually be a secret lover, but the second reason is also disconcerting – it may not be cheating, but it may be a single friend who wants a “wing woman” (and vice versa), and that’s certainly wandering into unfaithful territory.
3. Unpredictable Plan Changes
If she goes out “with a friend” and gives you an estimate when she’ll be home – only to call in the middle of the night to say she’s staying with her friend, it’s a little suspicious, especially if it happens often.
In the same vein, if she’s planning an outing but it suddenly falls through – but she won’t tell you why – she may be making plans with someone she doesn’t want you to know about.
4. Asking For Space
Sometimes this can be totally harmless, and just a chance for her to cool off if you’ve been fighting – but if she’s asking for a lot of space, particularly at night or on the weekends, she may very well be asking for the “space” to go meet up with someone else…
5. Accusing You
This is one that both genders have very much in common, and it comes down to simple psychological projection. In order to get away from their own feelings of guilt, people will accuse their partners of infidelity to shift any suspicion or blame away from themselves.
If your wife accuses you of cheating, but doesn’t have any reasons to back it up – the reason may very well be that she’s cheating herself.
6. Hints About Unhappiness
If she’s dropping hints about an unsure future, about lack of romance, about how unhappy she is – she might also be telling you that she’s looking for those things elsewhere. Especially if she’s mostly complaining, but not asking for any solutions, she may be indicating that she doesn’t expect a change from you – she wants to find those qualities in someone else… Or already has.
7. Dressing Up When She Didn’t Use To
If your wife used to go to class or work (or even just out on errands) without putting a lot of effort into her appearance, but is suddenly making a great effort to look her best when she goes those places – there’s a chance that she’s met someone she’s trying to impress, or at the very least, wants to make sure she looks her best in case she runs into a potential suitor.
This one can be hard to gauge, but if the change seems sudden and/or drastic, you likely have some cause for concern.
8. Lack of Intimacy
If she’s giving you excuses in the bedroom, dancing around the subject, and avoiding your advances without giving you any viable reasons (other than typical, non-specific reasons like being too tired, not feeling well, etc.), it just might be because she’s already involved in a sexual relationship with another man.
9. Outside Opinions
Your friends, your wife’s friends, and your family can offer valuable outside perspective on your marriage. They may not always be right, or truly the know the details of a given situation, but if they have suspicions about infidelity, their opinions are probably worth taking seriously. If even they can see the signs from the outside looking in, there’s probably something going on.
10. Keeping Tabs On You
If she suddenly has an increased interest in knowing where you are and what you’re doing at ay given time throughout the day – it probably isn’t because she’s curious about your day, it’s because she needs to cover her tracks. They don’t want to unwittingly run in to you while they’re doing something unfaithful, so they need to keep a close watch on where you’ll be, and avoid those places at all costs. She might be making her plans around your schedule.
Remember, these are just signs, not hardline rules. If you suspect infidelity in your marriage, it’s not too late to stop it, and it doesn’t mean that the marriage is ruined. The first step to recovery and rebuilding is owning up to the problems. If you suspect your wife (or husband) is cheating, say something!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com