What if, after all the fights and problems, you finally decide to call it quits with your spouse – then, after all of the complicated and stressful divorce process, once everything is finalized and you are officially no longer married – you have a change of heart and wish you could take it back?
Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens all the time!
For some, it’s the perspective gained through the divorce process itself. Through the struggles (both emotional and financial), they may begin to realize that they see their spouse in a new light, that going through the process has helped both parties grow in maturity and understand what they’ve let go.
For others, it’s more like “buyer’s remorse.” Once they’ve made the decision, and then start to see the consequences unfold in real life, they regret their decision terribly.
So, the important question is: are these reactions genuine? Is there a chance for couples who experience this kind of regret to get back together?
In some cases, maybe not. There is plenty of potential for feelings of remorse and regret without any real change in behavior. After all, people often struggle to embrace change, and may be experiencing skewed memories of what married life was like before the divorce.
For many, many others, though, the finality of divorce may really bring about a change of heart, or allow people to look at themselves honestly and examine the problems they were causing in the marriage. Being apart may also help couples realize how much they really do care for one another.
Now, every couple is going to have their own unique situation, but for couples who may be getting back together after a divorce (or even a lengthy separation), it’s so important to avoid falling into the old patterns that lead to the split in the first place.
This is where professional help comes in handy!
For couples treading this somewhat dangerous path, the most important part of getting back together is starting a new relationship. This means letting go of all the past transgressions and “restarting” on the right foot. Programs like the StrongMarriageNow system and professional counseling can help couples get on track before they sink back into old habits – and end up where they were before the divorce.
It certainly is possible to reconcile a relationship, even after a divorce, but the process should be approached carefully. Without addressing the issues that lead to the divorce, the “new” relationship may be doomed to the fate of the last attempt – and that’s the last thing you want!
To avoid this altogether, get to work on your marriage before it gets to the point of divorce.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
i dont know what to do. this is what is happening with me and my spouse... i feel bad now that weve gone thru it all. its just ok to pick back where we left off? it seems right, but it doesnt
I thought about what I would say if my ex would want to come back. She cheated on me, so we got divorced. I want to talk to her, but I don't. Do people get over that feeling?
Sad lover, Try taking things one day at a time. Make it a priority to spend time with your spouse. Here is a blog post on why it is important to spend time with your significant other: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/spending-time-together-as-a-%E2%80%9Cman%E2%80%9D-and-a-%E2%80%9Cwoman%E2%80%9D/
Rob, Communication is very important in a relationship. If you feel like you need to talk to her take some advice from this article on "How to Improve Communication." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/blog/how-to-improve-communication-in-your-marriage-today/
I want to stay together but the wife doesn't she wants to just date but wants to keep me as the 3rd wheel
My husband cheated and left me and the kids . He does not think we are repairable. How can I save my marriage?
Tom, It sounds as though the two of you need to get your marriage "unstuck." Here is a helpful article on ways to do just that: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-unstuck/
Downinthedumps, I am sorry to hear this news. Here is a video with "7 Steps to Survive an Affair." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/ Best Wishes!
You did not indicate why the divorce took place, so I may not address the issue specifically. However, I can tell you this. You DO NOT pick up where you left off! The definition of insanity is.... doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. There are many things that "Seems" right, but is it? There are times when you must use your head more than your emotions/feelings. I assume there is no rush to get back together again, so take your time and keep you eyes open. Also, plan for the changes you expect to be made "before" getting back together. For an example, attend a marriage seminar together before recommitting, NOT "I'll go if you will take me back". Make the changes prior to recommitting. Lastly, pray for God's wisdom and blessings.
I'm sorry that you are having to experience this tragedy. You did not indicate why he felt like your marriage was not repairable. Perhaps he feels that way because he has committed to someone else or because there is no communication or oneness that exists between the two of you. Honestly speaking, he doesn't sound very repairable. However, not knowing all the facts, he may be experiencing the mid-life crisis which usually happens between the ages of 37 - 55. Many men think no one else would want or desire their wife and of course, they are very wrong. Therefore, I would say to you, perk up and make yourself pretty, especially when you are around him just like you did when you were dating. Let him know what a good thing he has thrown away. Who knows, he may have done you a favor. :) In any case and above all, ask God for guidance.
Tom...Wives that want to date rather than live with their husband has no business being a wife to anyone, unless she recommits to her husband. Couples marry to be together forever. My humble advice to you is, if she has no desire to live with you as a wife should and refuses to obtain marriage counseling, then start making plans for the future to move forward. How long did you live together before she decided to start dating again? What caused the change? Did you abuse her in any way that caused this decision on her part? I hope things work out for the both of you. You might consider spending some time in prayer asking God to help both of you.
The real questions you must ask yourself is (1) Do I want her back? (2) If so, Am I willing to forgive her? (3) Did I contribute to the infidelity? There are some husbands to do absolutely nothing to enrich their marriage even though they are a good person. Some do not know "how" to enrich their marriage. Some think that as long as they provide a living for their spouse, they should be happy. "Things" cannot replace husbands. I do not know why she cheated on you, but my experience has been that it's something they need that the husband is not providing or refuses to provide. There are husbands who never tell their wife that they love and appreciate them. They say, "I was not raised to say those things or to show my affection". Well, raised like that or not, you had better change and..quickly! Perhaps your parents were not affectionate to one another and that may have worked for them, but it may not work for you and your ex-wife. As for as getting over the feeling, I'm not sure if you're referring to wanting to talk to her or the feeling of her cheating on you and breaking your heart. If it's the broken-heart issue, the answer is an absolutely "Yes", your heart can be healed. If it's wanting to talk to her, I would advise talking to her, else how can you communicate and it's obvious that you do desire to communicate. It doesn't hurt to be friendly even if things are not perfect between people. Lastly, You might consider spending some time in prayer asking God to help both of you.
I decided to pull the plug on my marriage I did more than my share ,it's time to move on