Save Marriage: How To Get Your Spouse To Recommit To The Marriage

Here's the next video in our blog series “Dr. Dana Answers Your Questions.” Today’s question is from Randy: “My wife has been completely ambivalent for almost a year, we went to ONE counseling session and she refuses to go back, she says she can go on 'like this' (as roommates) indefinitely - she has one foot out the door and has for over a year. HOW DO I GET HER TO RECOMMIT TO THE MARRIAGE?”


Please comment below the video to ask your own questions or just to let us know what you think. We’re frequently shooting new videos and will answer the top questions as part of this ongoing series.

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


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128 comments

Heidi 7 years ago

Me and my husband have been together 10 years and he is checked out, he keeps talking about divorce and how he thinks its best if I just move on. I want to save my marriage. Please Help

john draper 7 years ago

My wife and I fight all the time, she refuses to open up and talk about any thing. We have been together for about five years and married for two, once we got married she started telling me that she wanted a divorce every time I asked her what was wrong, we have four children and the last thing that I want is divorce Please help us!

Brittney 7 years ago

Need help my husband want to leave but I don't want him to we fight because am jesuous to much and I try not to be and I want to save my marriage please help me I don't know what to do

christy williams 7 years ago

I have been married 17 years about 5 months ago my husband and I got into a fight. That night he told me he was not in love with me anymore and has not been in about a year and half. He said its due to when we fight I say things I don't mean but they hurt. I told him I understand and I would work on not fighting with him as much. How can we work our marriage out if he is hurt and still angry with me over things being said during a fight? I really need help we have 3 kids and I don't want to lose him over stupid words that came out of my mouth due to fighting.

guest 7 years ago

My marriage is falling apart, I've tried and have been for years to save it, but am now not sure what to do any more. We've been married 20 years, married young and have 2 kids. There has been no sex at all for nearly 10 years. We've moved states 8 times due to his wanting to change jobs, and with all, except one, I have followed him around, uprooting the kids from schools, selling houses and being basically a single parent for periods of time here and there all while I was in college. He's been fired from 2 jobs. I can't even get an interview, I think partly due to the number of times we've moved and my work history of changing jobs because of it. We have only been in our current state for 1 year and in a house we just built for 4.5 months and now he wants to move again. There has been emotional and verbal abuse from him in the past, controlling particularly financially. We have had a number of emotionally draining and permanently life changing medical situations occur in the past few years, which also added to some of the problems. He seems not to care is very matter of fact about things, and the emotional toll is really getting to me. Between 2011 and 2012, I took the kids and moved out, with the intent of getting divorced. He begged us to come back saying he'd changed etc etc, but now things are getting controlling again, not verbally abusive, but other issues are occuring. If I chose to give up now, it would be incredibly difficult as I don't have a job, can't get an interview, am penniless, have no family or friends to ask for help and would have to again uproot the kids from schools. As our oldest is a senior in high school, this would be devastating. The youngest is a freshman, and is just starting to do well again. But at the same time, I see how all these issues over the years have effected the kids, probably permanently now, and I can't bare to see it get worse for thier sake, but I can't move either. I am trying to find a way to see if this marriage can survive, but as mentioned, I have one foot out the door. I'm lost, lonely and don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. What can I do, if anything to save things?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Christy, It sounds to me like you are both dealing with a lot of hurt in your relationship. Here is an article I think you will both find helpful. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-hurt/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Guest, I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing lost and lonely feelings. I hope you and your husband are able to begin communicating all of these issues you are dealing with. Please check out this video, "How To Improve the Communication In Your Marriage." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/communication-in-marriage/#comm-video

NaT 7 years ago

My marriage is falling apart. My husband is saying he needs space and he is not happy. We have been married almost 15 years and have 2 kids. He said he would try to work on things, but has not followed through. Prior to him telling me about his feelings, he had reconnected with an old female friend who had recently separated from her husband. He has been spending a lot of time with her helping her out around the house. This does not make me happy. He says he needs this time with her to work out his feelings. They are both going through tough times. My husband promises there is nothing physical going on. I think the emotional affair is even worse. It is almost as if my husband left home one day for work, and came home a completely different person. My son confided in me that he feels the same way and misses his dad. I am very sad and don't know what to do. I cannot be upset around the kids, I'm trying to be strong. I found a brochure for an apartment complex in his car and asked him about it. He said he did not want to talk about it and just wanted to take things day by day. Then he wanted to hang out with me last night and watch a movie. Please advise on what I should do. This is the most difficult time of my life.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Nat, It sounds like there is a part of both of you that wants this relationship to work out. Perhaps you two need to work on reconnecting. This video provides advice on how to help reconnect with one another. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/reconnect-feel-close/

brian 7 years ago

My wife and I have been together for 10 yrs, married for 8. We have 3 kids, 2 of which were hers before we met. She was in an abusive relationship with her ex. She has gone back to school and was full time employed and full time student. She graduated this May, passed her boards and is working as a nurse now. Since her graduation, it feels like there is a distance between us. I became concerned about the seeming lack of involvement in the marriage and talked to her best friend to see if I should be worried about our relationship. That act and a fee others that she blames me for has gotten her so mad that she "doesn't know what to do with me". She has told me I need to communicate more, but now when I try, she doesn't want to talk about it! She has stopped saying "love you too" in text messages. She won't address important issues with me. She has even quit wearing her wedding ring. It definitely feels like something is going on with her, but I can't get her to talk. I'm not sure if she wants to be with me anymore. No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to make a difference. The last thing in the world I want is a divorce. What else can I do?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Brian, It sounds to me like your wife is "checking out." The link below is a great video on how to get your spouse checked back into the marriage. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/#Checked-Out-Partner-Video Also, be sure to take an interest in her new career.

So So unhappy 7 years ago

we been married 23 years, my husband been in the military 25 years. 10 years ago he started messing around with one the women soldiers when he went to Korea. when he return he kept in touch with her for a 18months before I knew anything. I thought we had got over that, but now I find out he's flirting around with some other female soldier in his company. When I told him " he was out-of-line" by text her and playing on the phone. he said he was just being nice. She pasted our home one day and he saw her, so he text "I saw you in my neighbor hood, she text back stocking is illegal, he text why are you doing it. Now they are both deployed to Kuwait and I'm back in the US going crazy

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

I am so sorry you have been left in this position. It sounds like you should check out this video: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-affair-stop-haunting-visions-partner-person/

riverrat 7 years ago

my wife is persuing another man emotionally how do I get her back

B 7 years ago

My wife and are have been married 21 years and things aren't going well..... We fight a lot mainly because she never wants to do anything other then read, garden and spend time with our kids and pets but only at home. I'm very out going and have a zest for exploring, adventure travel and friends. I often get upset with her because she doesn't want to leave home or have other couples over. She is an night owl and I'm an early bird, so while I have a half day work completed she is just trawling out of bed around 10 am but doesn't go to work part time until 3-4 pm and work till 8 but its supposed to be a day job, has the. Flexibility to work what hours she wants. I work 8x24 hr shifts a month so we have the ability with her 16-20 hour work week to spend a lot of time together as a couple but We're lucky if we eat 1 meal a week together

loststarfish 7 years ago

We have been married 13 years. We do have some communication problems but I never thought they were this bad. My husband has completely shut down and has withdrawn himself from me. He is willing to go to counseling but doesn't see any hope. He said he realizes that problems can be fixed but he feels absolutely nothing for me and doesn't think he ever will again. Can he love me again? How? I don't know what to do. I have downloaded the program but I cant see how to apply it when he won't talk to me. He doesn't want to seperate yet and hasn't thought of divorce, but how can we be married and not love each other? We have 3 wonderful kids that I dont' want to hurt. I want us to be a family. We were a great family. The last maybe 3 years haven't been the easiest but I never stopped believing in us.

Vazen 7 years ago

I met my wife in 1999 when I was 19; she 17. We got married in 2005. Ever since the advent of texting she has abandoned me for her girlfriends and her ever expanding social life. In the past when we argued I would cuss and say things I didn't mean and Ive told her I am sorry about it, I take full responsibility for hurting her and I have changed. I really have! But, she continues to hold grudges. We separated for four months but now that she is back things are worse then ever. Ive come very close to divorcing her but it feels like I'm ripping part of my soul away when I make the call to my lawyer. I want to stay with her because I know she is a good person at heart. I grew up with her, losing her would be like losing part of myself. Ive tried everything I can think of to bring her back to me to no avail. Please help.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Riverrat, Here is a great video with advice on how to "Survive an Affair." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

B, You two are lucky to have such flexible work hours. It sounds like you two need to work on reconnecting. One way to reconnect is to focus on each others passions, especially since the two of you have very different hobbies. This is a very helpful article: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/support-spouses-passions/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Loststarfish, I am glad to hear that your husband is willing to try counseling. If you are having a hard time getting him to "check back in" to the marriage, please take a look at these videos: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Vazen, It sounds like she needs some help prioritizing her life. She needs to decide if you or her social life need to come first. I hope this article is helpful for both of you: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/important-problem/priorities-yt/

sad situation and heart broken 7 years ago

My husband and I have been married for 20 years. For the first 13 years of our marriage I was the main bread winner because I couldn't hold down a job due to mental illness. I stuck by him and supported him in every way that I could. In 2007, I got severely sick and almost died from fluid in my lungs and heart. I was later diagnosed with Lupus. I still tried to work part time but it was too hard for me and he still wasn't contributing financially. I gave up all my non-essential spending at his expense. I relocated 1500 miles away from my family and friends because he wanted to move to a warmer location. I mainly agreed because I knew the cost of living would be easier on me and perhaps my stress would go down. We seemed to move closer together...or so I thought. Then yesterday he dropped the bomb on me by saying that even though he still loved me he did not want to be married so that he can be free to explore other options. He said that he had met many woman on line and had turned them all down only because he was married to me. He stopped taking his meds and his father recently died so I think he has lost his mind and is making a huge mistake. I want to make this work but he said he only would stay if we could see other people. This doesn't make any sense to me! He says we can still live together as companions but I want to be with him as more than that. I want to go to counseling so that I can figure out how to show him that he is making a huge mistake. I think it is because of some kind of mid life crisis. It did not matter what I offered him he said he doesn't want to explore life and travel with me even if I do still have the same goals. He wants to do it with someone else. He says he hasn't met anyone but I don't know if I can believe him.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Sad situation and heart broken, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I know that this type of news is not easy to hear from the one you love. You are dealing with a lot of issues at one time. I think it will be helpful for you to check out a few of the videos in this link: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/health-issues-and-mid-life-crisis/ I really think you will be able to relate to these videos and hopefully find help in them!

kim 7 years ago

What if he don't want the information and don't care about the information. He says it not going to work CAUSE HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH ME.I HAVE LEARNED A LOT BUT AS LONG AS HE IS SET IN HIS MIND NOTHING WILL CHANGE

Karina 7 years ago

I am 19 yrs old and my fiance of 4 yrs is still 18 we had our daughter when we were 15 we were planning our wedding for this summer and a few days ago he told me he got cold feet...he says he wants to go out and meet girls however not to experience different love but differents kinds of sex... He told me hr wants to wotk itout so we planning to go counseling and i really dont want to lose me he told me tht if he leaves me hes making a mistake because im a gem in his life someone other mab wud want but then he wants to just try sex with other woman what to do i really want counseling to work but if it dont im afraid im going to lose him i dont want to hurt and dont want to lose him it hurts really bad my loce for this person is so inmense uts veyond this world he loves me too alot he jusr says he cant understand why he wants sex with other women i dont know shud we try new sex ideas or i dont know what else im trying to do everything to save our rrlationsgip that was so perfect but just a simple thing of sex with different women destroy it

Mike_Olsen_SMN 7 years ago

Karina, The two of you should definitely try and spice up your sex life. Here is an article with great advice on how to do so! https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/spice-up-your-sex-life/

James 6 years ago

I have been married for almost 4 year now and me and my wife had really good times n the beginning and we also went through some hard times and somehow we r still together and that gives me hope there is something there. I feel like Iam doing more then must husbands and I do all I can for my family, but I never get any respect for it plus I never do anything right in her eyes and i annoy her so bad then Iam around her I just feel like I don't belong almost. And I no i am not perfect and yeah I do a lot of stuff wrong but the stuff she says to me. Is so uncalled for I try so hard not to blow up but it like she is gas and Iam fire lol and then Iam sorry, I say sorry so much now it's like its a reflex I automatically say sorry, I hate it I love my wife with all Iam and I want one perfect marriage and family please get back to me Iam so lost I want this fixed thanks : Sincerely James M

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

James, It sounds like the two of you need to work on resolving conflict in a positive way. Here is a great video on "How to Stop Fighting and Name Calling." https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-video-stop-fighting-calling/

Tammi 6 years ago

This year would be 25 years since we have been married. We went through a lot: the good , the bad and the ugly, the best and the worst and some more. Past several year were probably the hardest but our relationship was still ok. We stuck together. But about a year or so ago i realize it's ( the marriage) no longer exist as i understand marriage. We don't talk anymore. Any conversation end with bark and scream and tears. And i don't even want to start on the rest of behavior . There is no couple, no marriage anymore not even facade left . Nothing left. I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to be happy again , i want to smile some day again. I wanted a divorce and a fresh start . But i owe it to our son to try may be the last resort some form of advice /counselling ( my husband refused to go to marriage concealing). May be just to make sure i did everything i new to save it . It's hard to write. It feels like funeral.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Tammi, It is frustrating when every conversation turns into a fight. Here is a blog post with "5 Tips To Stop Fighting." Hopefully this will help turn arguments into discussions. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/5-tips-to-stop-fighting/

Kalleb Douglas Mcdowell 6 years ago

I am 23 and my wife is 20 we have been married 6 months and been together almost 6 years. The other day my wife told me that she felt like a roommate and that I was using her for sex. Then the next day she told me she was talking to another guy. She went over to his house the next night and they were making out the furthest it got was her shirt off and she felt uncomfortable and left. My brother in law girlfriend told me she came home crying. I cheated on her in the past before we got married and now she says she still can't trust me for some reason. I work 2 jobs and am in military and pay all the bills she work maybe 15 hours a week at one job. She also told me I didn't show her no attention or love and I believe it's because I was so tired from working so much . Last night we talked and she said she loves me but is not in love with me and that it is none of my business what she is doing or talking to. I try to do everything I can to get her to come home and give me another chance. While she is doing whatever iI'm stuck in our apartment all alone with our dog just thinking about her and what she is doing since I have no idea and it hurts . I cry all the time and can't stop because I love her. She keeps telling me she needs time but I don't want to wait because I hurt. How do I get her to fall back in love with me?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Kalleb, Please take a look at this video on "What To Do When Your Spouse's Feeling Have Changed And You Feel Blindsided. "https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouses-feelings-changed-feel-blindsided/

needhelp 6 years ago

i have been married for 5 yrs. 5 months ago i decided that i was fedup of my partner been selfish when we made love, i told him this and since then we have not been intermate at all. the only communication that we have is when we talk about the kids or the house and there always seems to be tension around us. i have considered leaving him as i dont kniw how long i can keep going like this and dont feel that ire can talk ti him anymore.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi, needhelp. It sounds like you both need to work on spicing up your sex help. That can be hard with kids! Try reading https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/spice-up-your-sex-life/

Jamie 6 years ago

Hi. My wife and I still live together as of now, she says she wants a divorce. She says that nothing is going to change that. She moved out for about a week and I asked her to move back in and she did, but she has her own room now. We still kiss and hug even have sex. She still says he wants a divorce no matter what and is going to move out at the end of the summer which is in about 4 or 5 months. I'm confused and lost, I help with everything around the house such as, doing dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, helping with our 7 year old, and much much more. I need help I do not want to lose my family. Help please.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi, Jamie - I'm so sorry. That much be a really difficult position but if she is still present and still intimate, there is hope. please browse our blog for several articles I think would be helpful to you, but I would start with one of our most popular - When your spouse is checked out - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-save-your-marriage/get-husband-wife-checked-back-marriage/

Christina 6 years ago

My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs. We have 3 children together and he has another child from a previous relationship. We started arguing A LOT over the last few years. He told me a few times over several years he was leaving but never left. I felt lonely in our marriage and unappreciated. It was if nothing I did counted for anything it was if I was always wrong and it caused an argument. I ran into an old boyfriend from school which was innocent at first, I ended up having an affair. I am consumed by guilt and remoras. I HATE what I have done and I just can't believe I would stoop so low. I stopped all contact with this guy and have commented 1000% to trying to make my marriage work at all cost. When my husband first found out he wanted a quick divorce and it to be over but then he wanted to make it through the holidays. We went 4 months, what seems to be working on our marriage. He showed me love and affection even going on "dates". He came to me a month ago and said he wanted an "in house seperation". We sleep in the same bed, we have sex at least once a week but not affection. He doesn't kiss me, hug me or tell me he loves me. I try to tell him I love him which he will reply "I know I heard you" or if I send him a text I usually never get a response. He occasionally says "I sdo want you to know I do love you". He still has me going to friends cook outs, etc but gives me cold shoulder when we get home. If I ask if were working on our marriage he says "if it works it works and if it don't it don't". I try to stay positive but I am so confused on if were trying or not??? I kind of feel this is his time to heal and just don't push it so I don't push him away any more but feel we are getting further and futher apart.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi, Christina - that is a tough spot for both of you. I applaud you for ending the affair but I can see how it would be hard for your husband to process. It sounds like you both need to set up some guidelines. If you are still having sex, then the physical desire is still there - you shouldn't be doing that if you don't hug and cuddle as well. He needs one and you need the other. Together, set up what you are looking for. Forgive and work forward - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/forgiveness/forgive-move-forward/

28 years 6 years ago

Christy: my husband went through a time where he lied to me about everything small and large, there for I have lost so much trust in him. He feels that he has not lied in a long time and I should let it go, but its hard. I have not only lost trust but a big part of our marriage feels gone. I feel if he was a friend, I would not want to be his friend any more because of all the lies. What can we do to build back some trust? Ld

candi 6 years ago

It sounds like they are not communicating well.if there's no communication there will be no peaceif they took the time to listen to each other maybe it would work a little bit better.communication is the key patience is a virtue.

candi 6 years ago

No matter what you go though in your life God has you and love you.I'm so sorry that you have to go though turmoil.In the end he will see that you lost the beautiful and wonderful some people never know what they got good until it's gone I will keep you in my prayers.

candi 6 years ago

Me and my husband been together for 11 years and married for 5 years.I am a stay at home mom only because me and my husband came to agreement that I would stay home and take care of kids while he work. we argue a lotover me telling him how I feel how he makes me feel.I try to talk to him but he always scream and yell don't wanna listen.Then he degrade me and say a lot of hurtful to me every time.it makes me think that he's cheating while he's at work. He make me feel this way.Because when I was pregnant he was emailing some girl when he was at work and when i asked him about it he said he was playing so I really don't believe him anymore I'll trust him.what woman in her right mind would believe such a lie. He makes me feel unwanted actually physically emotionally I really don't know what to do anymore don't know if I should stay or get a divorce is not working out I need help.I try so hard to talk peacefully but it just turns into a screaming match that should never even started.There is a disconnect in a relationship I'm trying but it doesn't seem like he wants tobecause if he did he would sit down and talk with a clear headhe's always so angry why don't knowcan anybody out there give me some advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi, Candi - We agree and I think this would be beneficial for your relationship as well. Have you checked out our articles on communication, specifically communication styles? https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-advice-understanding-differences-communication-styles/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi, Candi - it does seem there are many issues going on with you both right now and I know it can be hard to talk. I mentioned communication already but you might have to focus on getting past the years of disappointment also. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-years-disappointment/

Lilliannadore 6 years ago

My husband and I have been married for not even quite 2 years and have a set of twins with another on the way. He works full time and I work part time but feel like I'm working nonstop everyday all day. I have the kids. If I don't cook there's nothing to eat unless he stops for take-out. I do all the cleaning, laundry, house stuff. I make sure bills get paid and do all the paperwork and all the grocery shopping. He's never gone to the kids dr's appointments or anything like that. I feel trapped at home with the weight of the world-along with all the stress- on me. He spent the first year doing whatever he wanted. He would sleep 14 hours, I'd be lucky to get 4 and then he'd go out and about. Seeing friends, going to bar, whatever he wanted. I got out maybe 5 times the first year of our twin's lives. He's gotten better but only because I said I'd rather put this next baby up for adoption than drown myself in more commitment when I'm stretched so thin while he remains unattached to the family. But the once a month I get out now comes with degrading name calling and fights just for me to see friends for maybe a few hours I want a divorce. I feel like he's a perpetual teenager and I regret marrying him at all at this point and I don't want to feel the way I do. He won't read a book or watch a video let alone go to actual counseling. I don't see how "we" can be saved.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Lilli - First, congratulations on the upcoming baby! But I do know how stressful it can be without a supportive spouse. Can you find a full time job to give yourself more of a break? Check out our advice on communication to effective explain to him that even though he works 40h a week, you work 24/7 and the duties should be shared. It took both of you to create and it will take both to raise them as well.

Msbillionaire 6 years ago

My partner and I have been together for 15 years and just about 2 months ago, we broke up. We werent legally married but we raised a family and were committed as if we were. I admit, I wasn't the most understanding and loving girl and I neglected him many times. I was always the one talking about taking some time apart and he always refused because this man loved me unconditionally. Just 2 months ago, he made the decision and we're not living together anymore. He admitted that he's meeting new people and he wanst some time to be by himself because he feels good without having to be obligated to anyone now. I am distraught and want to fix our relationship. It's obvious he still loves me because he still calls me and says he never wants to leave my life that if it doesnt work out with us, he always wants to be my friend. He still comes over and stays over and I love the little moments I get to spend with him. What do I do?? I love this man so much and he is so valuable that I do not want to lose him. I'm afraid that what I had with him, I'm not going to get it with anyone else because he truly showed me what unconditional love is. What do I do? I want him to come back to me, I learned my lesson and want to be the person he needs in his life :-(

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Ms, I'm sorry you are going through but I think it was a good think because you are able to appreciate your partner better. There are ways to work on your relationship alone. Don't beg or plead but show him you've changed. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/can-you-save-your-marriage-even-if-your-partner-doesnt-want-to-work-on-it/

summer 6 years ago

my husband and have been together for 24 years and have 5 kids 3 are fully grown and moved out 2 are still at home and in middle school. we have had serious issues in the past where he has cheated on me and i managed to forgive him, and stayed with him he recently found some emails to a friend of both of ours from me. they were nothing sexual on my part. but he claims there was one that was. although i never recived it or read it. still the fact remains that he thinks i have cheated which i havn't. he has filed for divorce. we have been distant for quite some time and not even been friend s for even longer. i know that i can not talk to him about anything, cause from experience he either tells everyone the things i tell to him. or uses then agianst me when he wants to hurt me (my feelings). i do love him still and would like to work this out but i don't feel i should try any more. he claims he wants this to work but he says it is always me and my fault that is why we are how we are in our relationship.i want to go but in reality i have no where to go. my parents are dead and my sister has issues of her own. i am stuck. and need some advise. what he does is emotionally and mentally draining and makes it so hard for me to work and or want to go home or want to be at home unless i am hiding in my room.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Summer - We have some advice on our site but I would also recommend talking to a professional near you. Even if he won't attend, go yourself for now. Get yourself in a good place mentally and evaluate your marriage. Maybe that will bring him on board once he sees how well you are doing. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-regain-trust-its-destroyed/

Maryanne 6 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 years living together for 5 years we have 2 teen kids one is his from a previous marriage and the other from mind I feel As if he's ready to walk out soon we are not marry but have been engaged he still has a cell account with his x and he also had dinner one night with his x cause he went to visit with his daughter the x asked if he wanted to stay for dinner that hurt me and I can't get over the fact that he said he would do it again plus the cell account I think it's wrong what do I do please help I love him so much I know he would never cheat on me I'm disappointed that he s not thinking of my feelings

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Maryanne - It's important to remember that his ex is still the mother of his child. They will always be connected through her, and if he says he isn't going to cheat, and you believe him, then be happy that they can be cordial too each other and not just fight. It's much better for his daughter that they are friends. Ask him openly about the cell phone account, and getting on with you. Perhaps explain and it makes you feel more like a couple and you want to do these joint things with him. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-stop-a-fight-before-it-starts/

stephanie 6 years ago

hello me and my husband have been together for 10 years and recently I caught him with another woman they were in the park just talking and he said they were just friends but I have a feeling that he is still talking to her. We havent lived together since the day it happened and he swears that he does not have any communication with her. He tells me that he doesnt want to come back to a marriage where we would always fight and that we have tried so many times and we go back to the same thing. I'm not ready to give up I love this man and because we have a 4 year old son. He is checked out and I dont know if its because he is still talking to this person. He is also emotionally closed he does not like talking about our problems so I know he wont want to get help. But I dont know what to do.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Stephanie - You have to decide if you trust him. If you do, then you need to let it go and move on and forward together, repairing your marriage. If you do not, then you need to figure out why, and communicate that to him openly. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-regain-trust-its-destroyed/

jt 6 years ago

Me and my wife have been together almost 15 years. She has had a hard time opening up to talk. Recently a guy at work started talking to her about his marriage. We went on vacation for labor day. She spoke of how she felt so loved and was happy. She seemed do happy. On the way back home when we got closer she just shut down. She went to work the next day came home and said she wanted a divorce. Found out she went and talked to the other guy. We have a family and do does the other guy. She won't speak to me, she is full of some kind of awefull hate towards me. These action r not my wife. I don't want a divorce don't think its right. There r no reasons for a divorce other than what this guy has said to her. Any advice would be appreciated.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi JT- I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds like she might be having an emotional affair - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/handle-emotional-affair/

jt 6 years ago

Is there an easy way to stop the emotional affair. The article sounds right. She is so angry with me I dont know where its coming from. Its such intense anger. I feel she is making stuff up in her head just to make me look bad. I know if I could get her to sit down and talk it would be better.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi JT - there is no easy way, I'm afraid. Focus on yourself, first, and in open communication with her. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouse-wont-talk/

Douglas Bair 6 years ago

Doug My wife of 15 years as decided that she is done with our marriage on our 15th anniversary. She says she is unhappy and as been this way for 5 years. She wants to leave but can not afford to so we are still in the same house. She says she does not love me anymore and does not feel the same about me. I want to save our marriage because we have children at stake with the youngest being 9. I need help in learning how to save my marriage on my own because she is not willing to try. please help

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Doug - It's completely possible to save your marriage on your own. Here is some advice - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouse-recommit-marriage/ and there is more under Marriage Topics on our blog. You need to be the best spouse you can, and take care of yourself.

NubianQueen 6 years ago

http://marriageormurder.com may help you Heidi, at a very low cost. You can save your marriage.

vogel18 6 years ago

Crazy. Almost the exact same thing happened to me expect the day after our 15th anniversary she announced divorce. She has told everyone she has been unhappy for 5 years (Since our twins were born) Your not alone my friend! I tried to save mine but failed even after her affair last year. We are on the path of divorce with 5 children as victims :(

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

I'm so sorry to hear that, Vogel. Is it possible Post Partum Depression in the cause? I hope you both find your way back to happiness. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/health-issues-harming-marriage/

Betty 6 years ago

My husband and I have been together for 11 years. I married him when I was 22 and he was 30. He is going through some sort of mid life crisis, went back to school, is starting a new careet... and throws in my face he loves me but is not in love with me... how do I get that back? We have a 16 month old baby and I am totally afraid that with this new job, when he can financially support himself he is going to leave us

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Betty - We have some specific advice for a spouse going through a mid-life crisis: https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/midlife-crisis-threatening-marriage/ It's important to remember that we can fall in and out of love several times with our spouses, and it's how we handle that which determines if the relationship will stay together.

Paul Fencl 6 years ago

Christy, My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married for 2. We have far more good times than bad. Recently, and very quickly she decided to move back to her house, and that we were done!, but said the only thing she could promise is that she wouldn't file for divorce for awhile. This problem coming just at the time when it would have been her and her late husband's 30th wedding anniversary. She admitted she is having more trouble getting through that fact than she should. I told her I would never want her to forget her late husband, but to learn to live with the fact that he is gone, and to concentrate on us, and our future. She will not even talk about us, coming back home. or even the thought of counceling. What can I do??

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Paul - That is a difficult and unique situation. Normally we try to 'get over' our past relationships, but it's difficult when a loved one passes away. You might want to think of a way you both can honor him, and thank him for being a wonderful first husband for your wife. Show her that you support her in this, she probably feels very conflicted talking to you about it. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouse-wont-talk/

cars 6 years ago

been married for 11 years my wife moved out while i was in Afganistan, she would not speak to me so i filled for divorce so i could have a right to see my kids What do i need to do to get her to work things out (my state requires divorce to have visitation rights)

Julie 6 years ago

My husband cheated on me in the first few months after I gave birth to our son, because it was too painful for me to engage in intercourse and after going through numerous surgeries to get back to normal, he didn't understand. He thought that I didn't love him or just was making excuses. Ever since, our marriage and relationship has taken a downwards spiral and we keep going through this cycle of not having a closeness because of constant arguing and feeling of resentment towards one another. Our son will be turning 3 in a couple months, and neither of us are really happy. I want to go to marriage counseling and get our marriage back on track. I do love my husband and he loves me, but we need to get back to communicating better, feeling more loved and become more intimate again. Please help! I want us to be in madly in love again.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Cars - It sounds like you need to figure out why she felt she needed to move out while you were gone. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouse-wont-talk/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Julie - It's hard on a marriage having children, and husbands don't always understand the toll it takes on mom. I think you need to redefine your marriage. You won't have what you had, but you might be able to find something better. I encourage you to talk to a counselor too, even if he won't attend at first. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-years-disappointment/

charles 6 years ago

me and my wife have been together for 9 yrs. an weve experience our share of problems we argued alot and and the things i wasnt givin her she turned to a guy in jail tell me what does a husband do i love her and dont want to lose her we have children but to develope a relation with a guy whos servin 11 yrs what do i do ?????????????

Siyeat Ken 6 years ago

Everyday, I'm a student in International University in Cambodia country Battambang province, I'm single I'm 36 years old. I find partnership of future ( wife 25 ....)

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Charles - It sounds like your wife is having an emotional affair, but she needs something she isn't getting. Here is some advice - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/emotional-affair/

Desperateneedofhelp 6 years ago

I am not sure where to begin, but my situation is arguably the worst out of all the post on this site. My wife and I are 39 and 40 years old. We have been together since we were juniors in high school. We attended college together and all. We have 2 children, good careers,a nice home, nice cars and such. But we are completely and utterly miserable, which is reflected in every aspect of our lives. To cut to the chase, being together since teenagers we have experienced it all. Infidelity on both sides, separation, divorce and remarriage, and have tried all sorts of counseling (spiritual and clinical , but we are still miserable. My wife blames her discretion's on me and say they are a result of my actions and the things I was doing. Most of the time she does not want me around and says very hurtful and disrespectful things. She references the affair regularly in everyday conversation. Just for reference the infidelity on both parts and all of the situations surrounding it took place about 6 years ago. Since then I have been made to sleep on the floor instead of in the bed with her. No intimacy or closeness exist. I have apologized and accepted responsibility for my actions but to no avail. My wife for the last few years has confined herself to her bedroom in the evenings and rarely engages in any household interaction with me. She no longer cooks or helps around the house. I do most of the housework and laundry, but I do not mind. I just want to be close and intimate with my wife. I fear that she is also having an emotional relationship with a married coworker of hers as she speaks of him regularly and seems to know a little more about him and his personal information that I think coworkers should. She is verbally abusive to me and our kids and never seems to be happy. Our finances are starting to suffer and I see her spending a lot of time doing "things" on her phone. She does not trust me and asks to see my cell phone to check for things, but will not allow me to see hers. Far more I can tell, but I think you get the picture.... I am so miserable and lonely, and I am truly trying my best to do whatever I can to make it better. I accept the verbal abuse and disrespectful comments, but they are starting to take their toll. There are moments when things seem to be going ok, then something happens they may remind her of the past issues and things fall apart all over again. Is she just to hurt to move forward? Please help.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Desperate - Unfortunately, we have seen worse relationships through our work here, though I can certainly see why you are both miserable. It sounds like you two need to have what I call a 'State of the Union' address. Sit down to talk - not argue. It doesn't come from a place of anger, but of respect and desire to connect and love your wife. Ask her what needs to be done to put the affair behind you, as you have done with hers, and talk about trust. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-affair-stop-haunting-visions-partner-person/

Linda 6 years ago

Hi- My husband and I have only been married 8 months. We bought a home 3 years ago and his Mom moved in with us 4 months later. She has Alzheimer and is agitated. You can't imagine what my 15 year old son and I have gone through. The first year we hid upstairs because she didn't want us in "her " home. I've been nothing but loving , kind and patient. My husband says that it's the end of her life and he wants to know he did everything he could, however at what expense? We hired a caregiver and she's been with us for 1 year. She's 10 years younger then I am and we had some issues with authority (with me not my husband) She's home all day with him and I come home from a long day and their laughing together etc...She actually told me that her husband thinks their having an affair. She temporary left 3 weeks ago to the Phillip0ines because her husband is sick, however pleaded with us to keep her job and she'll be back in 45 days. I told my husband that I don't want her returning! He didn't speak to me for a week and we're still having challenges. He says that she did a great job, which she did, however I'm worried that this could turn into something more??? Please advise.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Linda - We always stress that your marriage comes first. Before parents, before caregivers, and even before children. If you are uncomfortable having this woman in your home, she needs to be replaced. Even if nothing has happened, it's not worth the stress to your marriage. And if his mom is unhappy living there, it may be better for find excellent care for her with another family member or facility. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/my-husband-chats-online-lady-trust-him-watch-dr-danas-answer/

drachir555 6 years ago

My wife and I have been married for 23 years. It was wonderful for the first 16 years. About 7 years ago we began to struggle with our marriage, mostly from the conflicts and drama that came with getting our 18 year old son out of substance abuse (and that wasn't alcohol - it was much worse). He dropped out of high school. We had to take him to juvenile court, and then forced him to go into intensive counseling. I was aggressive about the conflict, but my wife was nurturing and lackadaisical. We could not come to common grounds on how to deal with the conflict. He finally got off the drugs, and went back to an Alternative High School, and got his diploma. Then it took him another 3 years to get a job! That was all really rough on the family. There were a lot of fights. My wife still sleeps on the sofa, and has shut herself completely out of any passion in marriage. She has given up on love, and now keeps on talking about divorce, and how she thinks its best if we just split up and go our separate ways. I want to save our marriage. Please help!

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Drachir - It sounds like you both went through quite an ordeal. I'm sure you both have changed, and so that wonderful marriage you had beforehand doesn't exist anymore. You need to create a new one - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/important-problem/priorities-yt/

21Doss 6 years ago

My wife don't want to communicate always mad at the world. please help to save my marriage. stay prayed up.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi 21- I think it's a fairly common issue that couples have different communication styles. Learn how to talk to your wife without the anger and silence - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouse-wont-talk/

Leana Lee 6 years ago

My husband is a control mean and all about him guy! he won't put my name on anything except the water bill and the cell phone bill! he gives me money when I say I need it and then it sometimes doesn't cover the taxes so I have to put something back! we have been married 19 years the first of may.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Leana - When it comes to your finances, you both need to work together as a team - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-stop-fighting-about-money/

Matt 6 years ago

My wife left me over one argument in the car. Some bad and mean things were said and she said she is scared of me. She got a restraining order, and filed for divorce on Jan 9th. I went to jail last week for violating the restraining order. Now I am facing criminal charges and still have not spoke to my wife who is divorcing me without trying to work it out!!! I have spent every dime I have on lawyers and will get a divorce over nothing AND probably go to jail......HELP

Mike_Olsen_SMN 6 years ago

Hi Matt - The only thing I can tell you right now is to listen to your wife. She filed an order - don't violate it. You are telling her that you can't listen to what she is telling you, even when the law is involved. If she believes you are dangerous, you are reinforcing that, even if you aren't. You need to step back, give her the space she asks for, and if you are truly different than she believes, you need to to show her through respect and your actions. If you asks you not to come over, don't. If she asks you to call, call. Just let her know you want to save the marriage, and you are listening. Be open to counseling, and what she suggests, if anything. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/important-problem/trust-yt/

Dexter 5 years ago

My wife has already moved out. She won't answer my calls or respond to my texts. However, when we WERE talking she said that I had done nothing wrong, she just didn't think that she could love me like a wife should love a husband. I am desperately seeking ideas on just to get her to connect with me again. Any advice would be appreciated

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Dexter - try writing her a letter. What kind of man is she looking for? Or is the trouble that she doesn't feel like she is how your wife should be? Let her know what you love about her, and why you want to be together, but give her some space to work things out on her own as well. Keep the door open. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/feel-wife-slipping-away-dr-dana-here/

rick r 5 years ago

my wife and I have been married for 19 years we have separated for about 8 months now In hopes of bringing us back together but it seem as if we are going down the same path which is kinda of just co-existing we love each other very much and neither one of us is ready to call it quits how can two people who each believe that we are ment to be together have such a hard time its like we are stuck in a rut really have little to no conversation we don't know where the next step is to get the magic we once had back again

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Rick - I think it sounds like you both have grown apart. Try to focus on why you two married, and find some interests in common to rekindle that fire. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/grown-apart-how-fix-marriage/

maria 5 years ago

Hi, my boyfriend and I been together for 7 years and married 2 years now. We had our ups and downs but all good. We use to argue years ago but it stopped. We had a Christmas, he bought me a beautiful wedding band set and told told me he loves me very much. Two weeks pass, on my birthday, he said its over, he takes the blame for everything, he wants to be alone to raise hes son. I was suprised he said that and two weeks after, I walked into our restroom and on the court sat divorce papers. I was he shocked. I couldnt belive what a turn around, and I thought things were good. We now sleep in seperate rooms and we dont talk. I love my husband very much but he stated that hes not in love with me anymore.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Maria - It's not uncommon to fall in and out of love. We believe you can work on your marriage even if you are alone. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/how-to-stop-the-divorce-and-save-your-marriage/

kyle schaff 5 years ago

Hi, me and my wife have had our ups and downs and now she has fully given up on my and is wanting to do a trial separation for 6 months and see if that helps. But the back story is that a few years back I just shut down and didn't put anything into the marriage and she says she is done and that im just look like a roommate to her anymore. And she just started this new job and she loves it which is great for her BUT theres this guy swooping in and stealing her from me. I am wanting to fix this. Please help.

kyle schaff 5 years ago

Hi, me and my wife have had our ups and downs and now she has fully given up on my and is wanting to do a trial separation for 6 months and see if that helps. But the back story is that a few years back I just shut down and didn't put anything into the marriage and she says she is done and that im just look like a roommate to her anymore. And she just started this new job and she loves it which is great for her BUT theres this guy swooping in and stealing her from me. I am wanting to fix this. Please help.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Kyle, if you know you shut down, then you know what you need to work on. A new job is going to be exciting for her, and maybe making her feel restless in other areas of her life. Try to being that excitement back into the home as well. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouses-feelings-changed-feel-blindsided/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Kyle, if you know you shut down, then you know what you need to work on. A new job is going to be exciting for her, and maybe making her feel restless in other areas of her life. Try to being that excitement back into the home as well. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-spouses-feelings-changed-feel-blindsided/

Dana Beckmann 5 years ago

My husband and I just married September 6, 2014. We also young I'm 24 and he is 25. We got married after a year of dating. I know it sounds so sudden, but we were madly in love. We had a connection with each other we had never experienced before. Well after the wedding day things were going good. He's always stressed about work and doesn't know how to cope well with the issues work brings him. I try to support him, understand, and always willing to talk about it, but here lately he just seems to resent me. He has been drinking more. Always going out with friends or his dad drinking. Before I didn't mind him drinking and going out after work because I knew he needed the time to himself. When it started to turn in a addictive habit I began to despise the drinking and give him a hard time of why aren't you home? I made dinner for us. The last time this happened. I didn't even say anything I just said ok whatever just forget it. Well the next day he told me he didn't want to be married anymore. Oh and this was all by text no face to face interaction what so ever. COMPLETELY unexpected. Well in response I panicked. We haven't even been married a year and he's quitting on our marriage. He doesn't even discuss it with me. Says I don't love you anymore, you deserve better, me doing this is a favor to you, and my favorite he believes I'm a better person then he is so in return he's undeserving of my love. I ask if he cheated and he looks at me dumb saying really? No I'm not cheating on you. He sounds more annoyed that I even asked. I just don't understand why he would feel the desire of divorcing? I know I may nag about the drinking issues but it's only because I care about his well being. I'm at a lost. I want to fix our marriage and work out our differences. He just seems so adamant about not being with me, but then he says things like I just need my space alone. I just don't know what to do?? I did pack some stuff and leave the house I've been gone from the house for about 3 days. We have text and communicated but that's about it. He won't really discuss any of it to my face at all. U finally came home on the 4th day because I couldn't deal with the fact of him saying it's over by text only and not my face. When he got home though he couldn't look at me. He would turn away from and say I just don't love you.....I want to be single, I don't want to be married, marriage isn't for me etc. People who I am close to say to just black him out. Don't call/text or see Him. If he sends you something don't respond. I just don't know if that's the smart thing to do. Please help!!! I want to save this marriage.

Dana Beckmann 5 years ago

My husband and I just married September 6, 2014. We also young I'm 24 and he is 25. We got married after a year of dating. I know it sounds so sudden, but we were madly in love. We had a connection with each other we had never experienced before. Well after the wedding day things were going good. He's always stressed about work and doesn't know how to cope well with the issues work brings him. I try to support him, understand, and always willing to talk about it, but here lately he just seems to resent me. He has been drinking more. Always going out with friends or his dad drinking. Before I didn't mind him drinking and going out after work because I knew he needed the time to himself. When it started to turn in a addictive habit I began to despise the drinking and give him a hard time of why aren't you home? I made dinner for us. The last time this happened. I didn't even say anything I just said ok whatever just forget it. Well the next day he told me he didn't want to be married anymore. Oh and this was all by text no face to face interaction what so ever. COMPLETELY unexpected. Well in response I panicked. We haven't even been married a year and he's quitting on our marriage. He doesn't even discuss it with me. Says I don't love you anymore, you deserve better, me doing this is a favor to you, and my favorite he believes I'm a better person then he is so in return he's undeserving of my love. I ask if he cheated and he looks at me dumb saying really? No I'm not cheating on you. He sounds more annoyed that I even asked. I just don't understand why he would feel the desire of divorcing? I know I may nag about the drinking issues but it's only because I care about his well being. I'm at a lost. I want to fix our marriage and work out our differences. He just seems so adamant about not being with me, but then he says things like I just need my space alone. I just don't know what to do?? I did pack some stuff and leave the house I've been gone from the house for about 3 days. We have text and communicated but that's about it. He won't really discuss any of it to my face at all. U finally came home on the 4th day because I couldn't deal with the fact of him saying it's over by text only and not my face. When he got home though he couldn't look at me. He would turn away from and say I just don't love you.....I want to be single, I don't want to be married, marriage isn't for me etc. People who I am close to say to just black him out. Don't call/text or see Him. If he sends you something don't respond. I just don't know if that's the smart thing to do. Please help!!! I want to save this marriage.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Dana, it sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting to his new life. There is a chance your marriage can be saved, but it will be hard with an addict. Here is some advice - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-drinking-destroying-marriage/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Dana, it sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting to his new life. There is a chance your marriage can be saved, but it will be hard with an addict. Here is some advice - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-drinking-destroying-marriage/

Kathy 5 years ago

Been married for 20 years this December . We have lost the love the compassion the ability to communicate for more than 20 mins and he shuts me down. Then all at once I was checking our cell phone bill and found a recurring number at all hours of the day and night lots and lots of times I confronted him and he lied at first but I told him he either owned up to who it was or I would call the number myself , it was a girl and he used the excuse she's just a friend I talk to our problems about, but he text her at work all day and even at home while he is here with me and our kids .

Kathy 5 years ago

Been married for 20 years this December . We have lost the love the compassion the ability to communicate for more than 20 mins and he shuts me down. Then all at once I was checking our cell phone bill and found a recurring number at all hours of the day and night lots and lots of times I confronted him and he lied at first but I told him he either owned up to who it was or I would call the number myself , it was a girl and he used the excuse she's just a friend I talk to our problems about, but he text her at work all day and even at home while he is here with me and our kids .

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Kathy, it's going to be hard for him to reconnect with you if he is spending his energy with another woman, even if it is currently just emotional. An emotional affair can be just as devastating as a physical one. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/ed-asks-my-wife-is-having-an-affair-and-she-wont-stop-seeing-him/ Also, if you use our search bar to look for "emotional affair" you will find many more helpful articles.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Kathy, it's going to be hard for him to reconnect with you if he is spending his energy with another woman, even if it is currently just emotional. An emotional affair can be just as devastating as a physical one. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/ed-asks-my-wife-is-having-an-affair-and-she-wont-stop-seeing-him/ Also, if you use our search bar to look for "emotional affair" you will find many more helpful articles.

Kylie Locklear 5 years ago

I've been married for 11 yrs & my husband and I dated & lived together 7yrs prior to getting married. We have two daughters ages 16 & 6. Past 2 yrs we've grown apart and argues all the time, he said we needed time apart. So now he's moved out & says he's not coming back & says there's no help for us. He also doesn't want to talk to me about our situation. What can I do?

Kylie Locklear 5 years ago

I've been married for 11 yrs & my husband and I dated & lived together 7yrs prior to getting married. We have two daughters ages 16 & 6. Past 2 yrs we've grown apart and argues all the time, he said we needed time apart. So now he's moved out & says he's not coming back & says there's no help for us. He also doesn't want to talk to me about our situation. What can I do?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Kylie, Right now he may need the space. Try talking to him gently, such as in letters, letting him know why you want to reconcile, and what you think needs to be worked on in the marriage. He may be right, and the marriage needs to be over, but we think that you both can start fresh and committed with a 'new' marriage. This article addresses an affair as well, but I still think it's a good message for you - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/survive-affair-creating-new-marriage/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Kylie, Right now he may need the space. Try talking to him gently, such as in letters, letting him know why you want to reconcile, and what you think needs to be worked on in the marriage. He may be right, and the marriage needs to be over, but we think that you both can start fresh and committed with a 'new' marriage. This article addresses an affair as well, but I still think it's a good message for you - https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/survive-affair-creating-new-marriage/

Frank G 5 years ago

My wife and I recently got married in March of 2015. We've known each other for a little over 10 years. We met while were stationed together while serving in the United States Navy. She is active duty still and, well I am a stay at home Dad. I relocated to California to be closer to her and my 2 girls. We don't have a horrible marriage, but when we disagree, its an argument and sometimes names are called and things are said that end up in regret after the fact. We love each other and express that in all forms of love, physical, verbal, gifts, etc, but its just the bad times are horrible when they do happen and divorce threats are made, I sometimes make threats to move back to New Jersey. What is the best way to communicate being we are both "hot headed" and quick to point the finger? I don't see divorce in the near future, but I do hope that better forms of communication can happen. Any advice on the best ways of trying to have her open up and not be so distant after or during an argument?

Frank G 5 years ago

My wife and I recently got married in March of 2015. We've known each other for a little over 10 years. We met while were stationed together while serving in the United States Navy. She is active duty still and, well I am a stay at home Dad. I relocated to California to be closer to her and my 2 girls. We don't have a horrible marriage, but when we disagree, its an argument and sometimes names are called and things are said that end up in regret after the fact. We love each other and express that in all forms of love, physical, verbal, gifts, etc, but its just the bad times are horrible when they do happen and divorce threats are made, I sometimes make threats to move back to New Jersey. What is the best way to communicate being we are both "hot headed" and quick to point the finger? I don't see divorce in the near future, but I do hope that better forms of communication can happen. Any advice on the best ways of trying to have her open up and not be so distant after or during an argument?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Frank, it's great that you understand this is an issue in your marriage before threatens your union. The first thing you can do is start with yourself. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/discover-stop-anger/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Frank, it's great that you understand this is an issue in your marriage before threatens your union. The first thing you can do is start with yourself. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/discover-stop-anger/

Morgan 5 years ago

My wife and I have been married 7 years now. She had an affair early last year that lasted for about a month. She says she wants to fix things here but she hasn't disconnected her feelings from the other guy and can't figure out how to get reconnected to the marriage. I'm hurting because it seems like everything I do and show isn't ever enough. Advice is greatly needed please and thank you

Morgan 5 years ago

My wife and I have been married 7 years now. She had an affair early last year that lasted for about a month. She says she wants to fix things here but she hasn't disconnected her feelings from the other guy and can't figure out how to get reconnected to the marriage. I'm hurting because it seems like everything I do and show isn't ever enough. Advice is greatly needed please and thank you

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Morgan, it's possible that she needs to speak to someone to help her work through her thoughts and feelings. You both need to remember why you got married, and forge new activities together. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Morgan, it's possible that she needs to speak to someone to help her work through her thoughts and feelings. You both need to remember why you got married, and forge new activities together. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/

eve 5 years ago

My husband has me for a divorce because i have attachments which are my children. he knew this when we got married and know one of the kids got into trouble because of use of pot . He told me to bring to the house to keep him out trouble so i did he was given one rule not to smoke pot and hew later got by my husband 2 weeks later and was given a second chance well he blow it and that when it cost my marriage because husband said he had enough. I told my son he had to leave since he is 18 and graduated from high school. However this didn't change nothing with my husband i told him that i would got all ties with my family so we can save our marriage. He tells me no that he will file for a divorce and wants me to not ask for spousal support if i love him i wont hurt him. I am alone and dont know what i should do.

eve 5 years ago

My husband has me for a divorce because i have attachments which are my children. he knew this when we got married and know one of the kids got into trouble because of use of pot . He told me to bring to the house to keep him out trouble so i did he was given one rule not to smoke pot and hew later got by my husband 2 weeks later and was given a second chance well he blow it and that when it cost my marriage because husband said he had enough. I told my son he had to leave since he is 18 and graduated from high school. However this didn't change nothing with my husband i told him that i would got all ties with my family so we can save our marriage. He tells me no that he will file for a divorce and wants me to not ask for spousal support if i love him i wont hurt him. I am alone and dont know what i should do.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Disqus, a spouse should never expect you to decide between them and your children. They should be united with you to help parent them through the tough times. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-advice-deal-blended-family-issues-fighting/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Disqus, a spouse should never expect you to decide between them and your children. They should be united with you to help parent them through the tough times. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/marriage-counseling-advice-deal-blended-family-issues-fighting/

Valerie 5 years ago

My husband and I have been married come 9 years next month 9/23. We have 2 boys and one boy on the way, I recently found out that he cheated on me with another woman last year more than once (with the same person that is). Of course I am deeply hurt, so he agreed to see a marriage counselor. One day at home he gets dropped of by another woman (meaning he is still seeing someone) while we are supposed to be working on us. He claims he has not had sex but have kissed her because she was waiting on him to get a divorce from me, which he never planned. I went off on him and now he realized how much he wants his family (so he says). I don't know if I should trust him just a little because when I did he still let me down. What do I do? My heart is broken but he wants to work it out.

Valerie 5 years ago

My husband and I have been married come 9 years next month 9/23. We have 2 boys and one boy on the way, I recently found out that he cheated on me with another woman last year more than once (with the same person that is). Of course I am deeply hurt, so he agreed to see a marriage counselor. One day at home he gets dropped of by another woman (meaning he is still seeing someone) while we are supposed to be working on us. He claims he has not had sex but have kissed her because she was waiting on him to get a divorce from me, which he never planned. I went off on him and now he realized how much he wants his family (so he says). I don't know if I should trust him just a little because when I did he still let me down. What do I do? My heart is broken but he wants to work it out.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Valerie, it sounds like he is ready to recommit, but has dug himself in a hole. Let him know you want to be with him to face the mistakes he has made, and continue to see the counselor. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Valerie, it sounds like he is ready to recommit, but has dug himself in a hole. Let him know you want to be with him to face the mistakes he has made, and continue to see the counselor. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/7-steps-to-survive-an-affair/

haywood beale 5 years ago

Hello my wife and I been together 28 years/married 17 years going on 18 this coming November the 29. We been separated for about well over a year and a half, due to my mistreating her, not putting enough effort in the marriage, taking her for granted, verbal abuse, not spending enough time with her etc. fast forward. I'm trying everything in my power to try and show her I want her. she goes out now with her co-workers and on some instances male co-worker, there have been cheating on both parts, so the trust is gone. We attended counseling on one occasion, and now I'm back in counseling again to do any and everything out here to show her my heart still belong to her. How do or show her I want her back w/o causing her to further push herself away from the marriage?.....She's seems to be enjoying herself w/o me in her life....I just want my marriage to be saved...Thanks

haywood beale 5 years ago

Hello my wife and I been together 28 years/married 17 years going on 18 this coming November the 29. We been separated for about well over a year and a half, due to my mistreating her, not putting enough effort in the marriage, taking her for granted, verbal abuse, not spending enough time with her etc. fast forward. I'm trying everything in my power to try and show her I want her. she goes out now with her co-workers and on some instances male co-worker, there have been cheating on both parts, so the trust is gone. We attended counseling on one occasion, and now I'm back in counseling again to do any and everything out here to show her my heart still belong to her. How do or show her I want her back w/o causing her to further push herself away from the marriage?.....She's seems to be enjoying herself w/o me in her life....I just want my marriage to be saved...Thanks

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Haywood, continue to see the counselor, and ask them for suggestions. It's going to take time for the trust to heal, especially if there have been any indiscretions since the separation. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-regain-trust-its-destroyed/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 5 years ago

Hi Haywood, continue to see the counselor, and ask them for suggestions. It's going to take time for the trust to heal, especially if there have been any indiscretions since the separation. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/save-marriage-regain-trust-its-destroyed/

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