Physical intimacy is a critical part of a romantic relationship. The fact is, biology plays a huge role in our love lives. Sex (and other forms of intimacy) is the difference between friends and lovers, and when our bodies feel connected, so do our hearts and minds!
There’s a misconception that sex becomes less important with age, or that after years and years together, it becomes a smaller and smaller component of marriage… That may be a tendency, but that doesn’t make it a good idea!
Now, age does play an important part here. As people get older, they may notice a decrease in libido, develop health problems, have aches and pains that make sex more difficult, or simply not feel very attractive or sexy… These are all valid concerns, but there’s good news! Engaging in sexual activity actually helps!
The more you do it, the easier it becomes – and because every person is different, you can find the activities that work for both of you. All of it helps.
Unfortunately, many couples that have been married for decades start to get out of the habit. They settle into new patterns that don’t involve much sexual activity, and it can be hard to find your way back into the groove. So, where do you start?
First, you have to talk about it. It can be tough (especially for the shy people), but it has to be done. You have to discuss what you want, what you don’t feel comfortable with, and if you have concerns or hang ups related to health, self esteem, or anything else. Talk about this stuff outside of the bedroom, not in the heat of the moment.
The next step is to just go slow. Remember how important this part of your marriage is, and make a point to hold hands, to snuggle, to explore foreplay… You don’t have to ramp things up immediately, and all of this physical connection will help bring you closer together.
Recognize that this stuff is all about habits and attention. It doesn’t just “fade with age” – it fades when you stop making it a priority.
If you start introducing physical intimacy back into your marriage, it will get easier and easier as you go. Each conversation about it will be more comfortable, and you’ll rediscover the passion you may have lost track of.
No matter how old you are, or how long you’ve been married, don’t overlook this part of your relationship. Start slow if you have to, and recognize that your physical connection is just as important as the rest of the relationship.
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com