“My husband chats online with a lady. How do I trust him?” – Watch Dr. Dana’s Answer

Here’s the next video in our blog series “Dr. Dana Answers Your Questions.” Today’s question is from Lisa: “My husband chats online with a lady who is searching for a new man and she is married. I am fearful that she will seduce him, or has already, and I don’t know what to do. I want to trust him but I don’t know if I can based on what she says and how they are when they are together.”


Please comment below the video to ask your own questions or just to let us know what you think. We’re frequently shooting new videos and will answer the top questions as part of this ongoing series.

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11 comments

mr.s 11 years ago

what if my wife is doing the same thing over x box all day while im at work all night when im home and when I try to disapprove of it she says I cant control her then she accuses me of cheating with my coworkers and wants me to stop taling to people online plus I even caught her having video sex with people online.

mr.s 11 years ago

we have 4 kids tohether and I love her with all my heart and she hates me because for the fist 4 years of our 10 year marriage I was a meth addict 6 years sober now with a good job. she says I never try to make our marriage any better. I don't give her enough attention but she is online all day withy him.

RSTORMFIELD 9 years ago

This is why marriages are not lasting. The divorce rate is very high thanks to our technology. The availability of internet on our smart phones, ipads, etc. simply makes it easier for anyone wanting to meet anyone on line anytime even when they are just feeling depressed. Technology is destroying our American families unless the couple discusses it face to face.

Tracey Brindza-Burkhart 9 years ago

My husband had an affair 8 months ago (he worked midnight and I worked dayrurn) and has since returned home through the grace of God and my forgiveness. And everything is so much better now than they have been. However, even though he no longer physically sees her, (since he has a dayturn job now) there is still some occasional texting back and forth. He says there is nothing going on and that I should have nothing to worry about. And that he wants to be home with me and our girls, and he can't imagine his life without us. He has turned his focus back in our family, but there is still that little voice inside me that the other woman is still trying to convince my husband to come over to her house to "help" move furniture, remove "screws" from the walls etc. But he refused to go. I asked him why he won't block her number, and he says that he wants to be her friend. But yet I can't visit with her. He said I wouldnt understand. But how can I not understand something that has never been explained??? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions??

Tracey Brindza-Burkhart 9 years ago

My husband had an affair 8 months ago (he worked midnight and I worked dayrurn) and has since returned home through the grace of God and my forgiveness. And everything is so much better now than they have been. However, even though he no longer physically sees her, (since he has a dayturn job now) there is still some occasional texting back and forth. He says there is nothing going on and that I should have nothing to worry about. And that he wants to be home with me and our girls, and he can't imagine his life without us. He has turned his focus back in our family, but there is still that little voice inside me that the other woman is still trying to convince my husband to come over to her house to "help" move furniture, remove "screws" from the walls etc. But he refused to go. I asked him why he won't block her number, and he says that he wants to be her friend. But yet I can't visit with her. He said I wouldnt understand. But how can I not understand something that has never been explained??? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions??

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Tracey, you husband made the choice to put you first. He needs to know that he chose you over her, and that means he cannot contact her if you are not comfortable with it. You can't build trust if he won't cut the strings that pulled it down. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/get-husband-wife-understand-affair-made-feel/

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Tracey, you husband made the choice to put you first. He needs to know that he chose you over her, and that means he cannot contact her if you are not comfortable with it. You can't build trust if he won't cut the strings that pulled it down. https://www.strongmarriagenow.com/get-husband-wife-understand-affair-made-feel/

Mardi 9 years ago

Even just Talking between your husband and this woman can lead to things going further at one point in time...or maybe not. But that would not go down well with me if I were you, talking to another woman may seem harmless enough for most people, then u get people like me that doesn't take chances with her husband that did the exact same thing...chatting without me knowing anything to loads of other WOMEN when I was pregnant at that time! I know he will never physically cheat on me, but I keep a close eye on him. Not trusting your husband is the worst feeling ever, rather put a stop to his talking with that other woman, confront him about it, he'll either comply and tell about her and their conversations, being casual or meeting up kind of things, or he'll get angry and defensive, denying anything you accuse him of because he is hiding the truth and distracting you from continuing to question him, because he thinks you'll think he's truly upset and hurt that u don't trust him enough or dare ask such a sickening thing, you'll question yourself after that and think you were the wrong one.

Mardi 9 years ago

Even just Talking between your husband and this woman can lead to things going further at one point in time...or maybe not. But that would not go down well with me if I were you, talking to another woman may seem harmless enough for most people, then u get people like me that doesn't take chances with her husband that did the exact same thing...chatting without me knowing anything to loads of other WOMEN when I was pregnant at that time! I know he will never physically cheat on me, but I keep a close eye on him. Not trusting your husband is the worst feeling ever, rather put a stop to his talking with that other woman, confront him about it, he'll either comply and tell about her and their conversations, being casual or meeting up kind of things, or he'll get angry and defensive, denying anything you accuse him of because he is hiding the truth and distracting you from continuing to question him, because he thinks you'll think he's truly upset and hurt that u don't trust him enough or dare ask such a sickening thing, you'll question yourself after that and think you were the wrong one.

Mardi 9 years ago

That's really a horrible situation to be in...if he had an affair with her...she is banned from the friendship boat for life...no talking, no communicating at all. Temptation will always be under his nose allowing this to go on...you will always question and wonder...what if...maybe...and go crazy. believe me, for your trust to build up again...he has to prove himself that he will leave the past exactly there, and all the baggage with it. you'll never trust in him again, coz you are always going to be questioning him and why would he be friends with a person that he had an affair with, while he's back with you. It's strange and I wouldn't trust that female with my man knowing what they did. Hell no, rather be safe then to get hurt again.

Mardi 9 years ago

That's really a horrible situation to be in...if he had an affair with her...she is banned from the friendship boat for life...no talking, no communicating at all. Temptation will always be under his nose allowing this to go on...you will always question and wonder...what if...maybe...and go crazy. believe me, for your trust to build up again...he has to prove himself that he will leave the past exactly there, and all the baggage with it. you'll never trust in him again, coz you are always going to be questioning him and why would he be friends with a person that he had an affair with, while he's back with you. It's strange and I wouldn't trust that female with my man knowing what they did. Hell no, rather be safe then to get hurt again.