How Much Detail Should We Discuss After An Affair?

In the wake of an affair, there are always questions. Even when you’re getting things back on track, the affair has ended, and you’ve agreed to give things another shot with your spouse, you’ll likely have questions about where the marriage is heading and what you’re both going to do differently.

Of course, hanging over all of this (especially for the person who was cheated on) are questions about what happened, why it happened, and who it happened with…

But how much detail should you really get into in this situation?

As you’ll see in the video below, discussing some of the details can help promote trust and peace of mind. Other details – or getting too much into the specifics of what happened and where – can do little but cause more stress and anxiety as we construct mental images of infidelity.

Such images can be extremely hard to shake, and actually cause more damage to the marriage in the long run.

Check out Dr. Dana’s advice in this video, and remember: knowing some specifics can help you move past the affair – but too many gory details can just be painful and end up causing more issues in the long run.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

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Carlos Boadicea 9 years ago

My ex wife and I separated in April 2014 and was advised by a professional marriage counselor to follow through with our divorce which was finalized in September 2014. She is currently seeing someone new and has admitted to have fallen in-love with this new person. He is a former coworker. Is there anything that can be done to first show her that what our marriage counselor said was absolutely wrong. And second to somehow convince her that her current 2 month relationship is also wrong and the right one is our marriage. We have a 20 month old daughter, I don't want to use her as a pawn but how do I talk to my ex wife and convince her we should get the family back together for the sake of our daughter and that we can make things work? There has been zero physical or financial abuse and zero infidelity on both parts. Would it be wise to invest in this program or on the 1-on-1's with Dr. Dana or should I hang it up? Thank you...

fearful 9 years ago

after I found out that my wayward wife was having an affair with another man, I reached out to his parents and folks at his work place. Now he has reached out to me to meet to discuss. Should I be worried for my own safety? What would he want to discuss with me?

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi fearful - What did you want to discuss? I think you would have no issues if you met in a public place.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Carlos - if the divorce is final, you will probably have to see this relationship with her as a brand new one. You would have to convince her to date you again, and woo her all over. You should try to focus on the connection between you both, not for you daughter. What happens when she grows up and moves out? Look to form something lasting between the two of you, and focus on yourself. Look to see the issues that caused the divorce in the first place.

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