Fighting All The Time? These Strategies Can Help

Most couples argue from time to time, but unhealthy methods of disagreeing with your spouse usually end up causing even more trouble. In this video, Dana sits down with a couple to talk about “fighting smart” – knowing when your temper is getting the best of you, knowing when to keep your mouth shut, and being able to set issues aside until you’ve both had a chance to cool off.

One of the keys to building a strong and healthy marriage is effective communication, and if your disagreements don’t actually solve anything or lead to any changes – you simply aren’t communicating in a productive way. Dr. Dana’s tips in this video can give you some great tools for more effective disagreements, and less conflict in the long run.

NOTE: The video contains some adult language.


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Simon 9 years ago

A couple weeks ago, I tried to have 'the talk' with my wife. We've been together ten years, married five, and I don't think we've ever been truly happy. Within about 3 months of dating, she was angry with me all the time. Sex disappeared for months and re-emerged only sporadically (once or twice a year now, I'd say). I became afraid of her anger and, as a result, stopped wanting to have sex. She became frustrated with me and got angrier. Neither of us was ever really happy.

elle 9 years ago

Long story short, my husband is exhibiting BPD symptoms. I can't get him into someone to diagnose / treat this, as he refuses. I cannot get him to counseling, as he is not receptive to that either.

Tom 9 years ago

So, I thought I would add something to this discussion. I used to fight all the time with my wife. It didn't seem to matter what we talked about, it always turned into a fight. I tried everything, including the techniques described in this video and still nothing worked. Then, after 10+ years of this, I caught her doing drugs in our bathroom. I insisted (forced) her to go into rehab. Luckily, she did that. And it was amazing, the fighting stopped completely. My point is, sometimes there are other factors that we are unaware of, that cause the fighting. Usually the people around see it (as in my case), but we refuse to look at it. I hope this helps some of you. It certainly helped me. I will say, that we have not worked through this yet, but we have left it alone for over a year and allowed things to recover. I am hoping it works out, but the stress relief is huge. If this is your situation, try finding an Al-Anon group and go to a meeting. I gaurantee it will help.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Simon - It's hard to cut through the years of anger and resentment, but it can happen -

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Elle - I'm sorry your husband won't get the treatment his needs. Here's some advice -

Mike_Olsen_SMN 9 years ago

Hi Tom - That is a great point, and we should always try to find the source of our spouse's pain -

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