Improve the Communication in Your Relationship

Can’t get on the same page with your spouse? Frustrated that your partner won’t listen to you? Watch the video below to discover how to improve the communication in your relationship and make everything easier.

Video Transcript

Are you having trouble getting through to your spouse? Do you talk about the same issue over and over again? If so, you’re not alone. In our survey of married couples, communication ranks as one of the top marriage problems.

There are so many components to communication that is difficult to talk about them all here. However, one of the first things I talk about when helping couples with communication is actually the importance of listening. Most of us do fairly well when it comes to talking. We can come up with charts, graphs and long lists of why we’re “right,” but most of us don’t listen worth a darn. Listening is, in fact, the most important part of communication in any relationship. In the history of marriage, the ping-pong form of arguing, the back-and-forth of debate, has never resolved anything; until someone stops and listens, the match never ends.

Most of us know that listening is important but why is it so hard to do? A common barrier to listening is that many people feel that by listening and understanding, they’re somehow conceding and giving in, ultimately losing power and control in the relationship.

Let me tell you, Listening is Not the Same as Agreeing

Dr. Dana

How often have we heard, “Listen to me,” when what they really mean is, “Agree with me!” For those of us with children, when we say, “You’re not listening to me,” what we really mean is, “You’re not obeying me.” And trust me, our children know exactly what we really mean when we’re saying it. So, the first thing we need to establish is that “listening” is not the same thing as agreeing, “hearing” is not the same thing as obeying, and “giving your spouse the opportunity to state their case,” (without arguing or interrupting), is not the same as giving in. Listening is, actually, just hearing and understanding what someone is trying to tell you. That’s it.

So, if you’d like to improve the communication in your relationship and resolve issues, take the time to truly listen and try to understand your partner. Interestingly, a pleasant side-effect of patiently listening to your partner is that they’ll be more likely to listen to you!

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Denise Tomlin 8 years ago

It's not the listen part on my behalf that's the problem. It's my husband, not wanting to communicate with me. He goes weeks without a word. It's been months since we had sex. He's always giving his time and energy to everyone else. I feel so alone and lost. I do everything from house work to yard work, taking care of my own car. I thought these things was to be a man jobs. But let someone else need his help he goes running. I'm at my ends with this marriage.

Mike_Olsen_SMN 8 years ago

Hi Denise, there are not men's and women's jobs in a marriage. Just jobs where our strengths lie. If you he won't talk to you about how you are feeling, trying writing him a letter or an email. Talk when you are not feeling angry. Come to him calmly with some things you would like to work on, and try to reconnect. When he goes to help someone, come too. Find the things you used to enjoy doing together.

wynita forman 8 years ago

Hello my name is juanita and i have a serious problem.My fiance cheated on me by taking his ex out to dinner,A friend told me about this and i confronted kenny(my fiance).he lied at first about the dinner wth his ex,then he completely confessed.I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest,i really cried.I stayed with him after an all week drilling conversation ,that i will never allow him to disrespect me after eight faithful years i have given him.Well againg he has cheated on me with what he will say is just a life long friend of his.I was on his e-mail and found where he was telling this woman he misses her,he needs to see her face to face just to assure himself that she is ok.He even went as far as to give this woman his work address,which i was never given.I cook for this man every day,i make all his doctors appts and fuss out any one i need to just to make sure he gets whats ever medicine he needs he is a diabetic.we found out that he has evn more serious ilnesses that are so bad i have not slept with this man in over a year.I feel like 8 years is an investment i have given this man ,and he still wants to play house with other females.If they know what i know they would not be bothered.I have let kenneth know i will be leaving him in april after i have my bariactric surgery.I dreamed of sharing this life with this man but i will not force him to walk into my future with his baggage.please help me.Our grandaughter is so much in love wth him and i dont want to alienate him if he steps up his morals.